Today Emilee caught me writing for this blog. She asked what I was doing and I explained it to her. I scrolled through to show her some of the things that I've been writing to her about. She squealed with delight. She asked if others are following along. She said "what a treasure!" Yes, what a treasure I hope this will be for her. She said that we'll have to keep it and use it for later and pass it down to her daughters. Yes, that is the idea. Then she asked if when she is a mom if she can write on her computer to her kids. I hope she does. =0)
I love you Emilee and I hope that this book in the making is a huge blessing in your life. May God bless you with a loving and godly husband and bless you both with a home filled with little feet.
xo
Mom
11.21.2010
Thoughts on Newborn Care
I've had a lot of random baby-care thoughts running through my head lately. It's amazing how much I've already forgotten though. I hope that we will get to do foster care some day and if we do, I know that all the forgotten things will come rushing back to me. I want to jot down a few here now though to get them out of my head. I hope these are helpful to you Emilee.
Keep your baby covered. I often see newborns and young infants out in public with their parents during the winter season without being properly covered. It just pains me when I see this. It's snowing outside and not exactly warm in the grocery store and yet there is this crying infant with bare feet and legs. No blanket to speak of and the careless parent is dressed head to toe in their own warm clothing and they can't figure out why their baby is crying. I feel like saying to them, "why don't you put on some shorts and walk around barefoot today and see how comfortable you are!" What I think is common sense is clearly not common. As a mother you often have to think about your baby's comfort which does take pausing for a moment to think about it. Don't assume that just because you are warm, that your baby is warm. Don't assume that if you feel overheated that your baby feels overheated. If you want a happy, content, and often sleeping baby, you will need to keep socks on your baby, and warm, snugly, and comfortable (preferably cotton) clothing on your baby. Keep your baby wrapped in a blanket and if needed keep a cap covering your baby's head. Even in the summer newborns need to be covered even with lightweight clothing and socks. Feel their feet often to check for coldness. Of course, don't over bundle a baby in the heat of summer. Stay in tune with your baby's body temperature. If your baby is sweating your baby is clearly too warm.
Swaddle your baby. We always called this burrito wrapping because the baby looks like a burrito in the blanket. While it doesn't sound comfortable to us to be wrapped tightly and restrained, it actually is very comforting to an infant. Not long ago, they spent most of their life in a very secure, tight, and warm womb. Flailing around doesn't make an infant feel secure. If your baby is having trouble sleeping or is crying a lot this may be the reason. Have a nurse or other mother show you how to properly wrap your baby. Carrying your baby in a sling or other strapped to your body carrier also brings them comfort.
Don't take your new baby into public. No one can resist a new baby and they will not likely think first of your baby over their own desire to coo over your sweet baby and touch your baby. New babies need to be protected from all the germs out there in their first few months of new life. Church can wait. Outings can be missed. You need to allow yourself to heal and recuperate anyway so stay home with your baby. Don't accept many visitors the first few weeks. Allow your baby to slowly absorb the imperfect world their bodies have been suddenly born into. I've seen women rush to church the first Sunday after giving birth....most likely to show off at their baby's expense. I knew a girl once who in the middle of flu season insisted that she have her baby-shower the week after her baby was born. I was shocked when I arrived at the shower to see that she had brought the newborn baby. He was passed around to every lady there....there were also several small children at the baby shower who were running around playing. Some of them were coughing and had runny noses. When she asked if I wanted to hold her baby I insisted that even though I was perfectly well that I did not feel comfortable holding such a new baby with any germs I might be carrying. She said I was being ridiculous. I cringed inside for this one week old baby that was been cooed over by dirty toddler hands and runny noses and passed around to 30+ women. Not one week later this baby was back into the hospital with a severe case of RSV and fighting for his life. Don't put your own selfish desires above the well-being of your baby. Be wise and be mature for your baby's sake. Take those first few months off to bond with your baby in the warmth and safety of your home. Give your baby the best start on life that you can. There will plenty of time for others to coo over and cuddle your baby. Allow others to run to the store for you and bring you meals.
Keep your baby covered. I often see newborns and young infants out in public with their parents during the winter season without being properly covered. It just pains me when I see this. It's snowing outside and not exactly warm in the grocery store and yet there is this crying infant with bare feet and legs. No blanket to speak of and the careless parent is dressed head to toe in their own warm clothing and they can't figure out why their baby is crying. I feel like saying to them, "why don't you put on some shorts and walk around barefoot today and see how comfortable you are!" What I think is common sense is clearly not common. As a mother you often have to think about your baby's comfort which does take pausing for a moment to think about it. Don't assume that just because you are warm, that your baby is warm. Don't assume that if you feel overheated that your baby feels overheated. If you want a happy, content, and often sleeping baby, you will need to keep socks on your baby, and warm, snugly, and comfortable (preferably cotton) clothing on your baby. Keep your baby wrapped in a blanket and if needed keep a cap covering your baby's head. Even in the summer newborns need to be covered even with lightweight clothing and socks. Feel their feet often to check for coldness. Of course, don't over bundle a baby in the heat of summer. Stay in tune with your baby's body temperature. If your baby is sweating your baby is clearly too warm.
Swaddle your baby. We always called this burrito wrapping because the baby looks like a burrito in the blanket. While it doesn't sound comfortable to us to be wrapped tightly and restrained, it actually is very comforting to an infant. Not long ago, they spent most of their life in a very secure, tight, and warm womb. Flailing around doesn't make an infant feel secure. If your baby is having trouble sleeping or is crying a lot this may be the reason. Have a nurse or other mother show you how to properly wrap your baby. Carrying your baby in a sling or other strapped to your body carrier also brings them comfort.
Don't take your new baby into public. No one can resist a new baby and they will not likely think first of your baby over their own desire to coo over your sweet baby and touch your baby. New babies need to be protected from all the germs out there in their first few months of new life. Church can wait. Outings can be missed. You need to allow yourself to heal and recuperate anyway so stay home with your baby. Don't accept many visitors the first few weeks. Allow your baby to slowly absorb the imperfect world their bodies have been suddenly born into. I've seen women rush to church the first Sunday after giving birth....most likely to show off at their baby's expense. I knew a girl once who in the middle of flu season insisted that she have her baby-shower the week after her baby was born. I was shocked when I arrived at the shower to see that she had brought the newborn baby. He was passed around to every lady there....there were also several small children at the baby shower who were running around playing. Some of them were coughing and had runny noses. When she asked if I wanted to hold her baby I insisted that even though I was perfectly well that I did not feel comfortable holding such a new baby with any germs I might be carrying. She said I was being ridiculous. I cringed inside for this one week old baby that was been cooed over by dirty toddler hands and runny noses and passed around to 30+ women. Not one week later this baby was back into the hospital with a severe case of RSV and fighting for his life. Don't put your own selfish desires above the well-being of your baby. Be wise and be mature for your baby's sake. Take those first few months off to bond with your baby in the warmth and safety of your home. Give your baby the best start on life that you can. There will plenty of time for others to coo over and cuddle your baby. Allow others to run to the store for you and bring you meals.
11.16.2010
Nursing Trouble - Clogged ducts and Mastitus
While I never had trouble with clogged milk ducts or mastitis, I thought this would be valuable information to record. Here is info taken from this post about treating the condition naturally.
First... a Few Words on Prevention
One of the best ways to treat mastitis is to not allow it to develop in the first place. Here are some important things to keep in mind for prevention's sake:
Switch sides often and nurse thoroughly.
Try to make a point of switching which breast you start nursing with, and which one you finish with. By alternating sides like this, you ensure that both sides receive as close to equal sucking time as possible, which helps to keep them well drained. Also, allow baby to nurse as long as needed on a breast before switching. Baby will get all of the rich, creamy hindmilk (full of good fats), and you will not be left with excess milk that can cause clogging issues to begin with.
Don't go too long between feeds.
By letting your baby nurse on demand, or on a flexible but fairly routine schedule, your body will adjust to make just the right amount of milk that baby requires. Allowing longer stretches than usual causes your breasts to become more engorged (which certainly isn't comfortable anyways), and can contribute to ducts becoming plugged. If you must be away from your baby, bring a pump or at least take a few moments to hand-express some milk into a sink.
At the First Sign of Trouble
These 3 steps are among the most important things that you do can do, to treat an infection in the very early stages and prevent it from every becoming full blown.
While at a blogging conference this past summer, I could feel that less frequent nursing was causing some milk buildup, and I began to experience that familiar redness/soreness and could feel a lump where a duct was becoming blocked. By treating it with the steps below, within less than 12 hours the lump and soreness were gone and I had managed to sidestep an infection entirely!
1. Nurse, nurse, nurse. Do not shy away from nursing (even if it is somewhat painful). If you begin to feel a lump building up or experience some tenderness, put your baby to the breast as often as you can. The more you can nurse, the faster it will begin to clear up.
2. Massage. I feel as silly doing it as I do talking about it, but it really, truly works. Using two or three fingers, find the spot that feels hard or sore, and gently rub in a circular motion. Switch now and then from clockwise to counter-clockwise, and try moving your fingers slightly to massage from different angles. This helps to release the milk that has built up and is clogging the duct.
Massage should also be used while nursing. Nurse the baby on the side with the plugged duct, and as you do so, use your finger tips to massage in strokes that go down towards the nipple. Change angles often, and continue to do so as long as you can stand it. Do this every single time you nurse on that side.
3. Apply Heat. Applying heat, whether it be by taking a long, hot shower or simply by resting with a hot cloth or compress on your chest will make a huge difference. Combining massage with heat makes a very effective combination.
4. Rest. I'm bad for this myself, as I find it hard to actually lay down and rest or nap when I need to, but a breast infection is often a sign of pushing yourself too hard. Resting each time you nurse your baby, or taking naps as you are able to, will help speed recovery.When It Is Time for Stronger Measures
Most infections can be avoided by taking the above action steps, but sometimes an infection gains ground quickly and these steps alone are not enough. The presence of a fever and/or achiness that resembles the flu both indicate that the site has become infected.
There are many natural ways to encourage the body to fight off mastitis infections. Here are a few of them:
Things to take orally
Garlic: My top choice for a natural "antibiotic", raw garlic is very effective in stimulating the immune system and having a strong antibacterial effect against infections. It does need to be raw to get the benefit from it. Try eating 2-5 cloves per day, as much as you can handle. Read more on garlic's properties and uses here.
Poke Root: This herb has been long used as a treatment for sickness and pain, including specific use for breast pain by Native American Indians. It has antibiotic properties and stimulates the lymph system, for better drainage and to help clear out an infection. It can be used in a tincture form, but no more than 2 drops per day, as it is quite strong.
Echinacea: Another immune booster, echinacea root tincture is effective in mastitis treatment. In Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Years, Susan Weed recommends a dose of a 1/2 drop for every pound of body weight (so a 130 lb woman would take 65 drops). According to Kellymom.com, this dose can be taken up to 3-5 times per day. Susan Weed says even up to 12 times per day is fine and may be effective.
Things to use externally
Cabbage leaves: You have probably heard of this remedy for engorgement when your milk first comes, but it is also an effective treatment for infection. It is particularly effective when used at the first signs of trouble, but will continue to help once an infection is underway.
Place a cool cabbage leaf inside your bra, directly against your breast. Leave it for an hour or two, then remove. You can do this multiple times throughout the day, but don't leave it on continually as it could eventually affect milk supply (although using it for a couple of days on and off will have no adverse effects).
Poultice/Compress: I mentioned above the use of heat, and any hot compress applied to the breast will be helpful. The addition of a herbal poultice will also help to encourage healing of the infection. A few herbs to consider: Comfrey, Calendula, Rosemary, Dandelion, Marshmallow root. Apply to the skin (with a hot compress or cloth is best) for 5-10 minutes, as many as 3 to 6 times a day. Take the opportunity to do this while you are resting-- see, there's that "R" word again!
11.09.2010
Neighborhood Kids
A friend recently asked me what our secret is to getting all the neighborhood kids to play in our front yard.....
here was my response to her and I thought it was worth recording here.
here was my response to her and I thought it was worth recording here.
1. we hang out in the front yard as a family….I’m usually on the porch reading in a rocker, or doing yard work, or organizing the garage…..and our kids are just out visually and suddenly neighbor kids just start emerging from the houses. I’ve noticed that usually the other neighbor kids wouldn’t normally come out unless we are out already. We make sure we have a presence in the neighborhood as a family in our front yard. We spend time hanging out in our yard. It makes our yard welcoming I guess. Parents seem more likely to send their kids over if they see me out there and involved with keeping an eye. Also kids without realizing it actually like hanging out where their parents are. If they feel like your yard is where stuff is happening because mom and dad are there too doing stuff then they want to be there. People gravitate towards people. So I would say that having a presence (even the adults) makes a big difference. Now, I’m not out there all the time but to get things started it helps. It also works both ways…I can have one ear open to conversations that are taking place. =0) But once they are all playing I do often end up inside from time to time.
2. We have toys. I know it’s annoying to have a bunch of outdoor toys stored in the garage but honestly I think this is a huge key. Other parents usually don’t keep much for kids to play with in their garage other than bikes…. and they don’t let their kids bring inside toys to the outside. My kids have to get their inside toy approved before taking it outside but for the most part I try to be flexible. We also have lots of stuff in the garage for them to play with. If they want bowls from the kitchen to make mud pie then out go the bowls. I even give them ideas if they are bored! If they need a table to play house or kitchen or restaurant then I go out and put up one of the card tables from the garage for them. We have a tub in the garage with “outside” toys and all the kids just love that. We do have a strict clean up policy…everyone has to help clean up before going home.
Those are the two biggest things that come to mind. I would bet that providing snacks would go a long way too….we’ve often done that but I wouldn’t say that it’s the core thing that works. At times it feels like I’m running a free day care but I’d rather my kids be playing at our house than at someone else’ house/yard. I don’t allow my kids to go in neighbor’s houses (unless we have known them really well) so my kids know that they have to play outside so we make outside fun. I try to be a fun mom!
10.22.2010
Young Mothering
Dear young mother,
It seems like everyone wants something from you. And you’re probably already giving way more than you ever thought you could give. But even with all your giving, you might struggle with guilt—lingering, joy-drenching, energy-sapping guilt—that you should be doing more, giving more, accomplishing more.
Don’t waste that guilt. Pay attention to it. Use it. Take it out of the shadows and examine it in light of Scripture. Is this a godly grief that leads to repentance or a worldly grief that produces death (2 Cor. 7:10)? Is it life-giving or life-depleting? Ask yourself, does this bring fresh joy and peace to those nearest me, or does it add unnecessary stress and strain to my home?
Don’t feel guilty over making your children your primary ministry investment in their early years. Your availability, sensitivity, affection, and unhurried attention are irreplaceable.
There are no neutral moments in a young child’s life. Someone is going to be influencing your children, inculcating values and imprinting standards on their impressionable young minds. Let it be you!
Accept your calling from God to serve your family. As a mother, you are helping to shape the souls of your children for Christ and ultimately influence the world. Your children are your gift to the future.
Does this mean you will never invest in others outside your family? Goodness, no. But if you are a young mother, stay on mission. Use your primary ministry of mothering to serve Christ now. Don’t let anything diminish your unique role as a wife and mother. It is not godly guilt that would call you away from a wholehearted investment in your little ones for his sake.This season in your life is just that—a season. And each season is a divine calling from our creator and king. Organizing a new event at church is important. Teaching your little boy to be kind to his sister is also important. But which one can best be done by you during this season? Serve God well by ministering to your children first. Very soon they will be grown and gone, and you will be unable to recapture the teachable moments you have now.
Mothers, listen to Psalm 78:4-7: “We will . . . tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders he has done . . . that the next generation might know . . . so that they should set their hope in God.”
taken from The Resurgence Blog
10.20.2010
Bible Reading for Children
The Bible is full of sex.
That's kind of a shocking statement but it's actually really true. When my children were little and I wanted them to start reading the Bible I had a difficult time figuring out where it was "safe" for them to read. I carefully chose books and passages after I scanned them to make sure that I wouldn't have them reading stories about sex before they were mature enough. I didn't want Bible reading to bring up the topic earlier than I was prepared to have "the talk" with them.
As I scanned the Bible for books they could read I was actually quite shocked at how much sex is in the Bible. Wow. I hadn't looked at it through those eyes before. Even with carefully chosen passages I had to do some explaining....I came up with some vague explanations so that my kids could still read Scriptures. I gave them definitions that I could later expand upon.
Mom, what's a virgin? "a girl who isn't married yet" (in the Biblical sense this is true)
Mom, what's a prostitute? "a woman who is always chasing after men and isn't faithful to have one husband."
Mom, what's an adulterer? "a person who doesn't stay faithful to their own spouse. They flirt with other men/women and don't love just their own spouse. They usually end up divorced."
There have been many questions like these that I have tried to handle with truth and care. I'm not on the bandwagon of explaining reproduction to young children just because I'm worried that other people will tell my children first. Instead I've tried to protect them from being told too soon. I think that's part of my job as a parent...to protect my children not just physically but with information as well. I don't want them to worry about something or think about something longer than they have to before actually being married. Too much information too early can cause unnecessary worry or curiosity.
Oh be careful little eyes where you go.
That's kind of a shocking statement but it's actually really true. When my children were little and I wanted them to start reading the Bible I had a difficult time figuring out where it was "safe" for them to read. I carefully chose books and passages after I scanned them to make sure that I wouldn't have them reading stories about sex before they were mature enough. I didn't want Bible reading to bring up the topic earlier than I was prepared to have "the talk" with them.
As I scanned the Bible for books they could read I was actually quite shocked at how much sex is in the Bible. Wow. I hadn't looked at it through those eyes before. Even with carefully chosen passages I had to do some explaining....I came up with some vague explanations so that my kids could still read Scriptures. I gave them definitions that I could later expand upon.
Mom, what's a virgin? "a girl who isn't married yet" (in the Biblical sense this is true)
Mom, what's a prostitute? "a woman who is always chasing after men and isn't faithful to have one husband."
Mom, what's an adulterer? "a person who doesn't stay faithful to their own spouse. They flirt with other men/women and don't love just their own spouse. They usually end up divorced."
There have been many questions like these that I have tried to handle with truth and care. I'm not on the bandwagon of explaining reproduction to young children just because I'm worried that other people will tell my children first. Instead I've tried to protect them from being told too soon. I think that's part of my job as a parent...to protect my children not just physically but with information as well. I don't want them to worry about something or think about something longer than they have to before actually being married. Too much information too early can cause unnecessary worry or curiosity.
Oh be careful little eyes where you go.
10.19.2010
Single and frustrated about it.....
Pray for single men and guard against bitterness. Society hardly encourages men to take initiative. Rather, they are told to shirk responsibility. Sitcom dads act like their children, and their wives treat them as such. No man wants that kind of family, so many fail to see the benefit of marriage. Today’s world works against Christian men who want to act biblically.
As their sisters in Christ, guard against resentment and bitterness. Instead, pray for these men. Pray for strong leaders to encourage them toward godliness. They need to be inspired to think outside of themselves and provoked to care for and lead others. They need courage. Pray that the Lord will give you wisdom to show appropriate love for them that will somehow encourage that very leadership they need to exercise. Pray, pray, pray.
Remember God’s providence. It may seem typical for me to tell you to pray and trust the Lord. But there’s no escaping reality: this is where our theology is put to work, when we see if it’s made of the right stuff. Let’s be thankful that the last word on your singleness is not left to guys who have too little courage, but to the God of the universe who has planned out its beginning to its end. Your singleness does not surprise God. It’s not a dilemma he needs to work around. It’s the very means to your holiness.
Whether single, dating, or married, pray that your heart is bent on complementing God’s means for your holiness and not kicking against it. Nothing better prepares you to trust the Lord in submitting to the leadership of your future husband than to trust the Lord when you are single.
Guard what you read and watch. Lots of books and movies marketed towards single women provoke selfishness, self-pity, and emotional indulgence. Guard your heart against being swept away with unbiblical emotions. Read books that promote a big vision of God and the gospel. Read books that prompt you to service. Encourage other single women in this as well.
Above all, pray for thankful hearts, because as far as the East is from the West, so far he has removed your sins. With hearts thankful for the good news of the gospel, you will be slow to think poorly of timid, single men and trust God’s good intentions for your life. As the Lord has been gracious and patient with your sin, be patient and gracious to single men, who are battling against the world’s enticements in order to be godly and courageous.
Taken from this post by John Starke
10.12.2010
why a daughter needs a dad
A daughter needs a dad...
- to show her that true love is unconditional
- to teach her that her value as a person is more than the way she looks
- to teach her that family is more important than work
- to show her that a man can be trustworthy
- to be the safe spot she can always turn to
- to teach her that a man’s strength is not the force of his hands or his voice, but the kindness of his heart
- to be the standard against which she will judge all men
- to help her take risks that will build her confidence
- to hold her when she cries
- to teach her she is important by stopping what he is doing to watch her
Why A Daughter Needs A Dad: 100 Reasons by Gregory E. Lang
10.04.2010
your wedding dress
Don't ever get rid of your wedding dress.
What a treasure of memories. Nothing more symbolizes the day of your unity to your daughter than your wedding dress. It represents the new identity you are clothing yourself to be in your husband. Your wedding dress conveys all that is feminine and represents your role as a woman. Your wedding ceremony is a foundation of godly marriage for the generations to come after you. At the alter you repeat the vows that generations of others before you have promised. You stand with others before you who have upheld God's design for marriage. By these vows you are united not only to each other but to the institution of marriage that God designed to represent His relationship with us. Becoming one flesh you set aside your previous identity and become this one man's helpmate. You wear a white dress to present yourself spiritually pure to the new leader of the home you will diligently manage. You wear a white dress adorned with beautiful elements to display your own beauty...the gift that you are to your husband. He will treasure that image of you in your wedding dress for the rest of his life.
Treasure your dress.
Preserve it.
Bring it out from time to time to remind yourself of that momentous day.
Show it to your daughters.
Let your daughters dress up in it and imagine themselves one day taking the vows that generations before them have girded themselves up with.
If you don't have daughters you may not know what it may one day mean to your daughter-in-law...
If you can't afford to have your dress preserved, the best thing you can do is to store it in black trash bags. This way it is protected from the light. This will help it not turn yellow with age. Keep it stored in a dry place where it can not mold. Keep bugs and moths away from it by storing it in a cedar chest or by placing cedar blocks around it. If you can afford to, you should at least have it cleaned after your wedding. Take it to an experienced dry cleaner.
What a treasure of memories. Nothing more symbolizes the day of your unity to your daughter than your wedding dress. It represents the new identity you are clothing yourself to be in your husband. Your wedding dress conveys all that is feminine and represents your role as a woman. Your wedding ceremony is a foundation of godly marriage for the generations to come after you. At the alter you repeat the vows that generations of others before you have promised. You stand with others before you who have upheld God's design for marriage. By these vows you are united not only to each other but to the institution of marriage that God designed to represent His relationship with us. Becoming one flesh you set aside your previous identity and become this one man's helpmate. You wear a white dress to present yourself spiritually pure to the new leader of the home you will diligently manage. You wear a white dress adorned with beautiful elements to display your own beauty...the gift that you are to your husband. He will treasure that image of you in your wedding dress for the rest of his life.
Treasure your dress.
Preserve it.
Bring it out from time to time to remind yourself of that momentous day.
Show it to your daughters.
Let your daughters dress up in it and imagine themselves one day taking the vows that generations before them have girded themselves up with.
If you don't have daughters you may not know what it may one day mean to your daughter-in-law...
If you can't afford to have your dress preserved, the best thing you can do is to store it in black trash bags. This way it is protected from the light. This will help it not turn yellow with age. Keep it stored in a dry place where it can not mold. Keep bugs and moths away from it by storing it in a cedar chest or by placing cedar blocks around it. If you can afford to, you should at least have it cleaned after your wedding. Take it to an experienced dry cleaner.
9.20.2010
I wish I would have trusted God more....
Carolyn Mahaney on mothering:
“For every fearful peak into the future, I wish I had looked to Christ instead. For each imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the specific, unfailing faithfulness of God. In place of dismay and dread, I wish I had exhibited hope and joy. I wish I had approached mothering like the preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: ‘forecasting victory, not foreboding defeat.”
9.16.2010
Partings in Marriage
"Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes" (celebrate his comings and make the least of his leavings)
I got this advice a little too late. When I was a young bride of 20 years old, I hated when my husband had to leave the house...even for work. Silly looking back on it. I would pout and make him feel guilty for leaving me. Yet, I have always excelled at making the most of his comings. Even when the children were toddlers I always rallied them into a frenzy when Daddy was returning home. We would jump up and down and shout together "Daddy is home!" and he'd walk in the front door only to get clobbered with hugs and kisses. We've kept this up and he is always greeted with a rush to the door and hugs all around...even knock-you-down-hugs as my kids affectionately call them.
Years into parenting, my husband once told me how much he loved that I made his returning to the family such a moment of celebration. It means a lot to him.
I out grew my pouting when he had to leave. Thankfully! Now I try to see him off with the same smile and kiss that greets him when he returns. Hopefully it shows him that I'm happy to hold down the fort while he is away.
9.15.2010
Motherhood with Eternity in View
"To be a good mother, you must have eternity in view... A mother with eternity in view will see the value of relaxing with her children. Housework and schoolwork are so temporal, unless you can do them in a spirit of fellowship with others. Every day deserves a song and a dance... the dance of carefree feet skipping through the blessings and joy of just being. Dirty floors, clothes that didn't get picked up, spilled milk, and schoolwork that didn't get done will be of no consequence 100,000 years from now. Whether poor or rich, highly educated, or common laborer, the heart is cultivated to enjoy God's presence. All else is vanity and vexation of spirit.
"Write down all the things that trouble you during the day... What is the very first irritation of the morning? It may be very subtle. It may not lead to bad words. You may not even be aware that you have yielded to a bad spirit. Write it all down for one day and then review it at night. Was it worth it?
"If you find that your expectations of your spouse or your children are so high that you are angry at them for failing to comply, it is far better to lower your expectations to your smiling threshold than to scowl at them from your high perch."
Michael Pearl
9.14.2010
Snow Tips
I typed up this list for a friend who just moved to the snow and wanted some tips....
-always shovel the driveway. If you wait, it will freeze overnight and you won't be able to scrape it up.
-don't drive on the driveway until you've shoveled because the tires will pack it down and even if you shovel you will have two stripes on your drive way of frozen ice (which makes for kids slipping and falling easily.)
-mittens are for keeping warm not for playing in snow. Once they are wet their hands will freeze. My kids came close to actually getting frostbite just while playing in our yard one year.
-water resistant gloves are for playing in snow not mittens.
-snow pants are an essential (walmart and target carry them. Have your kids where thermals underneath and then put the snow pants on.)
-snow boots are essential for playing in the snow as well....payless will carry reasonably priced ones.
-scarfs can double as ear warmers by wrapping it around your head like a headband and then secure by wrapping around your neck.
-keep a sweater hanger (you can see it here) in your entry coat closet. Each kid or person in the family gets their own cubbie for mittens, scarfs, ear muffs, snow gloves. This solves trying to find everyone's "gear" when trying to get out the door on time.
-boots and mittens dry great by the floor heater vents.
-when you go somewhere teach your kids to take off their mittens and put them into their coat pockets. That way they don't get lost.
-hang snow pants over the tub or shower to dry.
-when getting out of a car/truck, test the parking lot ground with your foot before getting out. You can slip very badly on black ice that you can't see. Trust me, I've done it and it wasn't pretty. Teach your children to do the same.
-keep a windshield scraper in your car. Preferably one with a brush and a scraper on it.
-always park in your garage if you can.
-enjoy it, have fun in it, when it snows- put down the school books and go play in it! =0)
-always shovel the driveway. If you wait, it will freeze overnight and you won't be able to scrape it up.
-don't drive on the driveway until you've shoveled because the tires will pack it down and even if you shovel you will have two stripes on your drive way of frozen ice (which makes for kids slipping and falling easily.)
-mittens are for keeping warm not for playing in snow. Once they are wet their hands will freeze. My kids came close to actually getting frostbite just while playing in our yard one year.
-water resistant gloves are for playing in snow not mittens.
-snow pants are an essential (walmart and target carry them. Have your kids where thermals underneath and then put the snow pants on.)
-snow boots are essential for playing in the snow as well....payless will carry reasonably priced ones.
-scarfs can double as ear warmers by wrapping it around your head like a headband and then secure by wrapping around your neck.
-keep a sweater hanger (you can see it here) in your entry coat closet. Each kid or person in the family gets their own cubbie for mittens, scarfs, ear muffs, snow gloves. This solves trying to find everyone's "gear" when trying to get out the door on time.
-boots and mittens dry great by the floor heater vents.
-when you go somewhere teach your kids to take off their mittens and put them into their coat pockets. That way they don't get lost.
-hang snow pants over the tub or shower to dry.
-when getting out of a car/truck, test the parking lot ground with your foot before getting out. You can slip very badly on black ice that you can't see. Trust me, I've done it and it wasn't pretty. Teach your children to do the same.
-keep a windshield scraper in your car. Preferably one with a brush and a scraper on it.
-always park in your garage if you can.
-enjoy it, have fun in it, when it snows- put down the school books and go play in it! =0)
9.13.2010
One flesh and under his family head....
read the full article hereWhy should you say “I do” to changing your name when you get married? I think there are six biblically-based reasons:
- Unity: Scripture says that when you become married, you become one flesh with your husband. Changing your name to his reflects that fact. (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5)
- Identification: Scripture teaches that it’s the man who launches out to establish a new family unit. Changing your name to his, and naming your children with the same name, identifies all of you as part of his family unit. (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5)
- Commitment: Changing your name indicates that you are making a permanent, life-long commitment to your husband, and will henceforth be identified as being inseparably linked to him. (Rom. 7:2; Matt. 19:6)
- Roles: Changing your name to his indicates that you affirm the biblical pattern of your husband being the head of your marriage and household. (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5)
- Paradigm: Since the relationship between husband and wife is a paradigm of the relationship between Christ and the church, Christian women who change their name model and bear witness to the reality of Christ changing our names when we enter a relationship with Him. We—the church Bride—identify ourselves with Him and are called by His name when we become one with Him. Christ’s bride is rightly called by her Husband’s name. A woman who changes her name bears witness to this part of the gospel story. (Isa. 43:7, Acts 15:17, 2 Chron. 7:14, Rev. 3:12; 14:1)
- Precedence: Adam named Eve. Twice. (Gen. 2:23; 3:20)
9.10.2010
Sweet Sleep
When I had my first baby I had a romanticized vision of a sweet little cradle in our bedroom, beside my bed, with a precious sleeping baby in it and waking each morning after a restful nights sleep to find my little bundle looking up at me with a smile and wide eyes, well rested as well, and the birds would be chirping a pretty song out my window......
Said baby was born, sweet little cradle was strategically placed in our bedroom, and that's about all that became a reality from my hopes of a sleeping babe. Not only did the baby not sleep soundly (this baby made lots of noises in his sleep), I was not rested when I awoke in the morning (since I had awoken many times in the night to soothe a crying baby), and loud obnoxious crows and a barking dog greeted the morning out my window instead of singing robins like in Mary Poppins. Where did I go wrong? I had it all figured out and then reality sank in. This was going to be harder than I realized.
I solved some of the problems by moving my baby into his own room at only 3 weeks. My friends that were new moms at the time as well thought I was cruel but my husband and I were desperate for some shut eye. I stumbled my way through each day like a drugged zombie longing for some good deep sleep. The baby woke several times a night to be nursed. He was a good baby, always going right back to sleep after nursing but somehow the months rolled by without any improvement in sleep. I rocked him to sleep otherwise he'd cry when I put him down for bed or a nap. I knew something had to change but I didn't know how. I wondered how I would keep this up when we had more children. While I loved rocking my baby to sleep, I knew I had to teach this little one how to sleep on his own otherwise I'd be sorry in a few years...and well, still a zombie.
My friends were recommending books that seemed too cruel to implement...parent directed feedings, no contact bedtimes, no rocking, no snuggling, no soothing a crying a baby, strict and ridged feeding times that left no room for growth spurts, teething, or bonding while nursing. I couldn't embrace those methods and yet I was struggling to find a way to get my baby to sleep.
I found hope and at 9 months old my baby slept through the night for the first time.
I began reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child written by an actual expert (a pediatric sleep doctor from some children's sleep hospital in Boston). It was scientifically based on studies. These studies proved that parent-directed-feedings had no effect on sleep habits (proven by infants studied in the NICU who were fed through IVs continually). I was willing to listen to an expert.
What I learned:
-I could have the best of both worlds....a baby who went to sleep on his own like a pro and get in all my rocking and snuggling! =0)
-Babies have to learn how to sleep. It's a skill just like riding a bike. They learn how to go to sleep but they also have to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. Like feeding himself, going potty, and riding a bike, I wanted him to be independant. I knew of parents who's 5 year olds were still dependent on them for sleep (ie, sleeping with them, or the parents holding their hand till they fell asleep, etc.)
-Snuggling, rocking, comforting, holding, and the like are NOT taboo. They have their place but they are actually very healthy. More about that in a minute.
-Bedtime routines help babies and children prepare for sleep. Babies and children need to unwind. This is where rocking, snuggling, etc comes in. Having a routine that is the same every evening (or at least similar) signals to your baby that it's time for sleep. Same for children....having a bedtime routine helps prepare them mentally, emotionally, and physically for bed. More on bedtime routines in a minute.
-Babies and children need more sleep than you think. America is a sleep deprived nation.
-ADD and ADHD are often misdiagnosed sleep deprivation.
-Sleep begets sleep. That means that overly tired babies and children have a more difficult time getting REM sleep (deep sleep) for extended hours. The flip side is that well rested babies and children will end up sleeping longer and deeper the more sleep that they get.
-Healthy sleep habits are key to a happy baby and child during awake times.
-Growing children, even elementary and teens, often need naps.
So, the good news is, I finally learned how to train my infant to go to sleep and stay asleep. The book tells you how much each age child needs (how many hours in a 24 hour period). That was really helpful since my first born took really long great naps....it helped me gauge how much sleep he needed in a full 24 hours. The book also takes you through each age group explaining their sleep needs and possible routines (not schedules- there is a difference) that may work well for each age. Routines have flexibility, schedules do not. Routines can be baby dictated, schedules are parent dictated.
The hardest part is undoing bad sleep habits. Had I only started out training my infant from the beginning, the "untraining" of bad habits wouldn't have been so tough to endure. Yes, it requires allowing your baby to cry himself to sleep in order to learn how to sleep. I didn't follow the book perfectly which is why I liked this book. It's not rigid. Any book that says there is only ONE way to do things and one way to raise your children are not realistic. Children are not robots. They are all different and you have to figure out each child and what works with them. I guess that's one of the hard things about being a mom...figuring out each child, their personalities, their make up of who they are....
After I had my first baby, baby number two was born. She was a completely different baby in every way. She took short naps and slept long through the night. I was able to implement what I had learned right from the beginning with her and wow, it paid off. She even went down for bed without crying...she loved sleep and even if she did cry at nap time it was only for about 2 min. I timed it and I'm not kidding.
So, here are the basics of what worked for us:
-breastfeeding on demand
for one baby that was every 4 hours for the other baby it was around every 2 hours. For the first baby it meant waking in the night to nurse until he was 9 months old and for the second baby that meant waking in the night to nurse until she was just under 3 months old but by 8 weeks she often slept through the night without waking to nurse (she slept from 7pm-7am by the time she was 3 months old till she was about 7 years old).
-sleep time routine
this always included rocking with their blanky
(but not rocking to the point that they fell asleep because then they'd always expect to be rocked to sleep. I laid them down in bed just when they were getting relaxed and sleepy.)
this sometimes included reading them a book, singing to them, a warm bath, baby massage, etc.
All of these things signaled to them that it was almost sleep time and it was time to relax. Once they were relaxed from these things I would lay them down in their bed.
-make a comfy place to sleep
a room painted in soft colors decorated with other soft colors
clean sheets and blankets (always provide your infant and children with a clean place to sleep-wash bedding weekly)
soft sheets and blankets (provide the best you can and make it snuggly)
proper cozy jammies (not too cold not too hot)
-sleep blanket, sleep animal, sleep binky
we let our kids have a binky and by the second child I figured out that it was best to make the binky only for sleeping. This prevented binky attachment later.
I always put the same blanket and stuffed animal in their crib so that they got attached to them. That way when I rocked them with those two items they knew it was sleep time. It also was a comfort to them when we were sleeping away from home.
-same sleep place
while training a baby to sleep we found it key to keep the place that they slept always the same. Their own quiet room in their own comfy crib instead of naps in a pack-n-play here or there or sleeping one night in the parent's bed, the next night in a pack-n-play, the next night on mom in the recliner, etc. Create a sleep place so that your baby knows where they sleep and gets comfortable with the familiarity of sleeping there.
-while the book suggest letting your baby cry till they fall asleep, I wasn't comfortable allowing it to go longer than 30 minutes. If we reached 30 minutes of crying when I was re-training our first born to sleep, then I would do as the book suggested... go in and check on him but not say a word. If he was okay, then I'd lay him back down and leave the room. He finally figured out that I wasn't going to get him back up or rock him to sleep. He eventually learned to just go to sleep.
My two babies are 11 and 9 years old now and they are both great sleepers. Our bedtime routine now consist of brushing teeth, saying bedtime prayers together, hugs, kisses, reading books in bed, and then we always say "spit spot" to each other (from Mary Poppins- just a silly tradition we started. I guess for us it kind of means "now get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning")
I've never had trouble with my kids getting out of bed. I've had other people say to me "well, you just got lucky with easy kids." HA, I don't think so! In fact I don't think there is such a thing as "easy kids". People just want to believe that since they haven't taken the pains to train their own children that you must have just gotten lucky with easy kids. I'll tell you the reason I haven't had trouble with the "I need another drink, I need to go potty again, I need to tell you something" routine that most kids pull....it's because I trained my children to sleep from the beginning. It's never crossed their minds to get back out of bed. They love sleep and they know it's good for them. When they moved from a crib to a bed there were no issues with getting out of bed.
The best part is that I have happy, rested children. They have the gift of good sleep, good health, good focus through the day with plenty of energy. They love their snugly beds and truly appreciate their bedtime.... the gift to us as parents is kids who go right to bed with ease so that we have the evening alone to unwind from our day and connect as a couple. It's also a blessing to us when we have company and our kids go down without a peep and we can continue to enjoy our company.
Do your baby a favor and teach them how to sleep. They will benefit from it for the rest of their lives. It will create a healthy and peaceful home to grow up in...where mother is rested, mother has breaks during the day during naps to refresh herself, and the whole family has sweet sleep through the nights. Balance that with lots of snuggle time and rocking when your babies and children are awake.
I know not everyone will embrace the same sleep methods and that's okay. Do what works for your family. We all parent in ways that are important to us. For me, I've wanted to give my kids the gift of good sleep habits. I didn't want them to be dependent on me for sleep. I felt it gave them a healthier lifestyle and gave my husband and I the freedom to have a more balanced marriage and family life which in turn blesses my children back.
Said baby was born, sweet little cradle was strategically placed in our bedroom, and that's about all that became a reality from my hopes of a sleeping babe. Not only did the baby not sleep soundly (this baby made lots of noises in his sleep), I was not rested when I awoke in the morning (since I had awoken many times in the night to soothe a crying baby), and loud obnoxious crows and a barking dog greeted the morning out my window instead of singing robins like in Mary Poppins. Where did I go wrong? I had it all figured out and then reality sank in. This was going to be harder than I realized.
I solved some of the problems by moving my baby into his own room at only 3 weeks. My friends that were new moms at the time as well thought I was cruel but my husband and I were desperate for some shut eye. I stumbled my way through each day like a drugged zombie longing for some good deep sleep. The baby woke several times a night to be nursed. He was a good baby, always going right back to sleep after nursing but somehow the months rolled by without any improvement in sleep. I rocked him to sleep otherwise he'd cry when I put him down for bed or a nap. I knew something had to change but I didn't know how. I wondered how I would keep this up when we had more children. While I loved rocking my baby to sleep, I knew I had to teach this little one how to sleep on his own otherwise I'd be sorry in a few years...and well, still a zombie.
My friends were recommending books that seemed too cruel to implement...parent directed feedings, no contact bedtimes, no rocking, no snuggling, no soothing a crying a baby, strict and ridged feeding times that left no room for growth spurts, teething, or bonding while nursing. I couldn't embrace those methods and yet I was struggling to find a way to get my baby to sleep.
I found hope and at 9 months old my baby slept through the night for the first time.
I began reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child written by an actual expert (a pediatric sleep doctor from some children's sleep hospital in Boston). It was scientifically based on studies. These studies proved that parent-directed-feedings had no effect on sleep habits (proven by infants studied in the NICU who were fed through IVs continually). I was willing to listen to an expert.
What I learned:
-I could have the best of both worlds....a baby who went to sleep on his own like a pro and get in all my rocking and snuggling! =0)
-Babies have to learn how to sleep. It's a skill just like riding a bike. They learn how to go to sleep but they also have to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. Like feeding himself, going potty, and riding a bike, I wanted him to be independant. I knew of parents who's 5 year olds were still dependent on them for sleep (ie, sleeping with them, or the parents holding their hand till they fell asleep, etc.)
-Snuggling, rocking, comforting, holding, and the like are NOT taboo. They have their place but they are actually very healthy. More about that in a minute.
-Bedtime routines help babies and children prepare for sleep. Babies and children need to unwind. This is where rocking, snuggling, etc comes in. Having a routine that is the same every evening (or at least similar) signals to your baby that it's time for sleep. Same for children....having a bedtime routine helps prepare them mentally, emotionally, and physically for bed. More on bedtime routines in a minute.
-Babies and children need more sleep than you think. America is a sleep deprived nation.
-ADD and ADHD are often misdiagnosed sleep deprivation.
-Sleep begets sleep. That means that overly tired babies and children have a more difficult time getting REM sleep (deep sleep) for extended hours. The flip side is that well rested babies and children will end up sleeping longer and deeper the more sleep that they get.
-Healthy sleep habits are key to a happy baby and child during awake times.
-Growing children, even elementary and teens, often need naps.
So, the good news is, I finally learned how to train my infant to go to sleep and stay asleep. The book tells you how much each age child needs (how many hours in a 24 hour period). That was really helpful since my first born took really long great naps....it helped me gauge how much sleep he needed in a full 24 hours. The book also takes you through each age group explaining their sleep needs and possible routines (not schedules- there is a difference) that may work well for each age. Routines have flexibility, schedules do not. Routines can be baby dictated, schedules are parent dictated.
The hardest part is undoing bad sleep habits. Had I only started out training my infant from the beginning, the "untraining" of bad habits wouldn't have been so tough to endure. Yes, it requires allowing your baby to cry himself to sleep in order to learn how to sleep. I didn't follow the book perfectly which is why I liked this book. It's not rigid. Any book that says there is only ONE way to do things and one way to raise your children are not realistic. Children are not robots. They are all different and you have to figure out each child and what works with them. I guess that's one of the hard things about being a mom...figuring out each child, their personalities, their make up of who they are....
After I had my first baby, baby number two was born. She was a completely different baby in every way. She took short naps and slept long through the night. I was able to implement what I had learned right from the beginning with her and wow, it paid off. She even went down for bed without crying...she loved sleep and even if she did cry at nap time it was only for about 2 min. I timed it and I'm not kidding.
So, here are the basics of what worked for us:
-breastfeeding on demand
for one baby that was every 4 hours for the other baby it was around every 2 hours. For the first baby it meant waking in the night to nurse until he was 9 months old and for the second baby that meant waking in the night to nurse until she was just under 3 months old but by 8 weeks she often slept through the night without waking to nurse (she slept from 7pm-7am by the time she was 3 months old till she was about 7 years old).
-sleep time routine
this always included rocking with their blanky
(but not rocking to the point that they fell asleep because then they'd always expect to be rocked to sleep. I laid them down in bed just when they were getting relaxed and sleepy.)
this sometimes included reading them a book, singing to them, a warm bath, baby massage, etc.
All of these things signaled to them that it was almost sleep time and it was time to relax. Once they were relaxed from these things I would lay them down in their bed.
-make a comfy place to sleep
a room painted in soft colors decorated with other soft colors
clean sheets and blankets (always provide your infant and children with a clean place to sleep-wash bedding weekly)
soft sheets and blankets (provide the best you can and make it snuggly)
proper cozy jammies (not too cold not too hot)
-sleep blanket, sleep animal, sleep binky
we let our kids have a binky and by the second child I figured out that it was best to make the binky only for sleeping. This prevented binky attachment later.
I always put the same blanket and stuffed animal in their crib so that they got attached to them. That way when I rocked them with those two items they knew it was sleep time. It also was a comfort to them when we were sleeping away from home.
-same sleep place
while training a baby to sleep we found it key to keep the place that they slept always the same. Their own quiet room in their own comfy crib instead of naps in a pack-n-play here or there or sleeping one night in the parent's bed, the next night in a pack-n-play, the next night on mom in the recliner, etc. Create a sleep place so that your baby knows where they sleep and gets comfortable with the familiarity of sleeping there.
-while the book suggest letting your baby cry till they fall asleep, I wasn't comfortable allowing it to go longer than 30 minutes. If we reached 30 minutes of crying when I was re-training our first born to sleep, then I would do as the book suggested... go in and check on him but not say a word. If he was okay, then I'd lay him back down and leave the room. He finally figured out that I wasn't going to get him back up or rock him to sleep. He eventually learned to just go to sleep.
My two babies are 11 and 9 years old now and they are both great sleepers. Our bedtime routine now consist of brushing teeth, saying bedtime prayers together, hugs, kisses, reading books in bed, and then we always say "spit spot" to each other (from Mary Poppins- just a silly tradition we started. I guess for us it kind of means "now get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning")
I've never had trouble with my kids getting out of bed. I've had other people say to me "well, you just got lucky with easy kids." HA, I don't think so! In fact I don't think there is such a thing as "easy kids". People just want to believe that since they haven't taken the pains to train their own children that you must have just gotten lucky with easy kids. I'll tell you the reason I haven't had trouble with the "I need another drink, I need to go potty again, I need to tell you something" routine that most kids pull....it's because I trained my children to sleep from the beginning. It's never crossed their minds to get back out of bed. They love sleep and they know it's good for them. When they moved from a crib to a bed there were no issues with getting out of bed.
The best part is that I have happy, rested children. They have the gift of good sleep, good health, good focus through the day with plenty of energy. They love their snugly beds and truly appreciate their bedtime.... the gift to us as parents is kids who go right to bed with ease so that we have the evening alone to unwind from our day and connect as a couple. It's also a blessing to us when we have company and our kids go down without a peep and we can continue to enjoy our company.
Do your baby a favor and teach them how to sleep. They will benefit from it for the rest of their lives. It will create a healthy and peaceful home to grow up in...where mother is rested, mother has breaks during the day during naps to refresh herself, and the whole family has sweet sleep through the nights. Balance that with lots of snuggle time and rocking when your babies and children are awake.
I know not everyone will embrace the same sleep methods and that's okay. Do what works for your family. We all parent in ways that are important to us. For me, I've wanted to give my kids the gift of good sleep habits. I didn't want them to be dependent on me for sleep. I felt it gave them a healthier lifestyle and gave my husband and I the freedom to have a more balanced marriage and family life which in turn blesses my children back.
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