While I realize that this video will not print up into this blog when I make it a book, I decided to share it here, regardless, for any that are following this blog. My husband and I watched this video last night and I was moved to tears and a very long discussion took place after it was over as we marveled about our own sin in these areas of ministry and our marriage. While we have not struggled with all of the things mentioned or to the extent that he describes some pastors and their wives struggling with, we were convicted as we looked back over our years of ministry and how ministry has it's way of silently creeping it's way into your life as an idol.
It's applicable to couples who are not in full time ministry as well. If we don't protect our families and prioritize correctly we will suffer the consequences. While convicted and even grieving over our past struggles I was also encouraged by all the things I realize now that we've done right. We haven't become a statistic and our marriage has stayed close and very intimate through it all despite poor management at times on our part. Praise God.
Every couple entering church planting or full time ministry should have to watch this before they commit to go into ministry. God help the church and the pastors who lead them.
Showing posts with label raising children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label raising children. Show all posts
2.24.2011
1.27.2011
on being a mom
“I don’t just want my kids to be moral. I don’t just want them to know all of the Biblical rules for behavior. I don’t just want them to make it through my home with good grades, no drug addiction, and no premarital sex. I want them to leave my home with a hunger and passion to know God personally and to be used by Him to accomplish great things for His kingdom.”
“As I walk honestly before God, with my children watching, they will learn how to have a real relationship with Him as well. As they see me apologize to them and pray in front of them to ask for God’s forgiveness in my own life, my children will learn that God is a God of grace who forgives me and guides me. My worshiping Him in gratitude for a beautiful sunset or a rainbow gives them a pattern for their own spontaneous worship. As my children see me in the deep waters of life, being tested to my core and still holding on to my Lord and choosing to believe the best, this observation will prepare them for their own trials which will surely come. They will know that He will guide and forgive them as they lead an imperfect but devoted life before a loving Father who has always met their mother’s needs!”
“I don’t have to be a perfect mother – just an authentic believer.”
Sally Clarkson The Mission of Motherhood
1.01.2011
well meaning comments
What is it about women and giving advice? We feel the need to drop our opinion, our suggestions, our two cents whether solicited or not. I'm pointing my finger at myself. Dear daughter, do as I say, not as I do. I'm of the more opinionated out there. I struggle to hold my tongue.
As a young mother I often felt unnecessary pressure by well-meaning advice givers.... just a side comment, a quick under the breath suggestion, or a curious probing question meant to give an opinion not really looking for an answer.
I remember feeling lots of guilt. Instead of feeling supported by other mothers I was made to feel like I was failing. I was failing as a mom and I was failing my children. They were going to grow up dysfunctional in some way. Then, the light bulb went on. Wait a minute! My son isn't going to still be sucking on a pacifier when he's 18 nor is my daughter going to wear diapers to high school! Why is everyone acting like just because my child has something 6 months later than their child did that mine will somehow be forever attached to it.
Looking back I'm proud to say that my son no longer carries his blanky around, my daughter doesn't drink from a sippy cup, there isn't even one pacifier in our house, and diapers are long gone and forgotten.
I had a choice. I could stress about all of these small milestones or I could just enjoy my children. I'm not encouraging waiting till they are 10 to wean them from nursing, to take the binky away, and to finally potty train them. What I am encouraging is that we don't measure our success as a parent by other people's standards and comments. I'm encouraging you to enjoy your children. It's better to create a nurturing and loving, healthy, happy, flourishing home life than it is to be high strung, up tight, stressed and in the process create more problems for your children than necessary. Yes, you may have your 2 year old potty trained but what did you have to do to get there? If it meant a year of causing anxiety and tension between you and your baby, it wasn't worth it friend. The relationship anxiety and the resulting personality issues that may come later are not worth the rigidness in your parenting.
Every child crosses milestones at different times. There is no cut and dry handbook for raising children that's accurate. If someone claims they have the book that solves it all then they are wrong. Allow your children to develop at their own speed. Help them try out new skills of course. Be sensitive to the signals that they are ready to take steps from babyhood to childhood. Be sensitive to how many things you work on at a time. Don't make it a stress issue.
One simple thing I learned to apply to every milestone.... if progress was made in one week's time then we stuck with it. If no progress was made in one week's time, we dropped it and waited a few more months for more maturity and skill to be present. This worked like a charm and helped temper our home resulting in peace.
As a young mother I often felt unnecessary pressure by well-meaning advice givers.... just a side comment, a quick under the breath suggestion, or a curious probing question meant to give an opinion not really looking for an answer.
- You haven't started potty training yet??? Oh, okay, well, I guess you must like changing diapers. Giggle giggle.
- You still let him have a pacifier? He's awfully old for that. He'll never learn to talk you know.
- Are you going to let her still drink out of a sippy cup?
- When are you planning on teaching him to tie his own shoes?
I remember feeling lots of guilt. Instead of feeling supported by other mothers I was made to feel like I was failing. I was failing as a mom and I was failing my children. They were going to grow up dysfunctional in some way. Then, the light bulb went on. Wait a minute! My son isn't going to still be sucking on a pacifier when he's 18 nor is my daughter going to wear diapers to high school! Why is everyone acting like just because my child has something 6 months later than their child did that mine will somehow be forever attached to it.
Looking back I'm proud to say that my son no longer carries his blanky around, my daughter doesn't drink from a sippy cup, there isn't even one pacifier in our house, and diapers are long gone and forgotten.
I had a choice. I could stress about all of these small milestones or I could just enjoy my children. I'm not encouraging waiting till they are 10 to wean them from nursing, to take the binky away, and to finally potty train them. What I am encouraging is that we don't measure our success as a parent by other people's standards and comments. I'm encouraging you to enjoy your children. It's better to create a nurturing and loving, healthy, happy, flourishing home life than it is to be high strung, up tight, stressed and in the process create more problems for your children than necessary. Yes, you may have your 2 year old potty trained but what did you have to do to get there? If it meant a year of causing anxiety and tension between you and your baby, it wasn't worth it friend. The relationship anxiety and the resulting personality issues that may come later are not worth the rigidness in your parenting.
Every child crosses milestones at different times. There is no cut and dry handbook for raising children that's accurate. If someone claims they have the book that solves it all then they are wrong. Allow your children to develop at their own speed. Help them try out new skills of course. Be sensitive to the signals that they are ready to take steps from babyhood to childhood. Be sensitive to how many things you work on at a time. Don't make it a stress issue.
One simple thing I learned to apply to every milestone.... if progress was made in one week's time then we stuck with it. If no progress was made in one week's time, we dropped it and waited a few more months for more maturity and skill to be present. This worked like a charm and helped temper our home resulting in peace.
12.16.2010
The calling of motherhood....
" if we reject God's design from the outset, our children, and their children, and their children will reap the consequences of our unfaithfulness."
"A whole generation of children, as a result, ends up feeling rushed, pushed, with little or no sense of the comfort and stability of a satisfying home."
"the minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of a godly heritage by focusing on their home as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built. The result is that the mothers who do attempt to follow God's design for families may suffer from feelings of isolation, loneliness, and discouragement."
Quotes from The Mission of Motherhood
"A whole generation of children, as a result, ends up feeling rushed, pushed, with little or no sense of the comfort and stability of a satisfying home."
"the minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of a godly heritage by focusing on their home as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built. The result is that the mothers who do attempt to follow God's design for families may suffer from feelings of isolation, loneliness, and discouragement."
Quotes from The Mission of Motherhood
11.09.2010
Neighborhood Kids
A friend recently asked me what our secret is to getting all the neighborhood kids to play in our front yard.....
here was my response to her and I thought it was worth recording here.
here was my response to her and I thought it was worth recording here.
1. we hang out in the front yard as a family….I’m usually on the porch reading in a rocker, or doing yard work, or organizing the garage…..and our kids are just out visually and suddenly neighbor kids just start emerging from the houses. I’ve noticed that usually the other neighbor kids wouldn’t normally come out unless we are out already. We make sure we have a presence in the neighborhood as a family in our front yard. We spend time hanging out in our yard. It makes our yard welcoming I guess. Parents seem more likely to send their kids over if they see me out there and involved with keeping an eye. Also kids without realizing it actually like hanging out where their parents are. If they feel like your yard is where stuff is happening because mom and dad are there too doing stuff then they want to be there. People gravitate towards people. So I would say that having a presence (even the adults) makes a big difference. Now, I’m not out there all the time but to get things started it helps. It also works both ways…I can have one ear open to conversations that are taking place. =0) But once they are all playing I do often end up inside from time to time.
2. We have toys. I know it’s annoying to have a bunch of outdoor toys stored in the garage but honestly I think this is a huge key. Other parents usually don’t keep much for kids to play with in their garage other than bikes…. and they don’t let their kids bring inside toys to the outside. My kids have to get their inside toy approved before taking it outside but for the most part I try to be flexible. We also have lots of stuff in the garage for them to play with. If they want bowls from the kitchen to make mud pie then out go the bowls. I even give them ideas if they are bored! If they need a table to play house or kitchen or restaurant then I go out and put up one of the card tables from the garage for them. We have a tub in the garage with “outside” toys and all the kids just love that. We do have a strict clean up policy…everyone has to help clean up before going home.
Those are the two biggest things that come to mind. I would bet that providing snacks would go a long way too….we’ve often done that but I wouldn’t say that it’s the core thing that works. At times it feels like I’m running a free day care but I’d rather my kids be playing at our house than at someone else’ house/yard. I don’t allow my kids to go in neighbor’s houses (unless we have known them really well) so my kids know that they have to play outside so we make outside fun. I try to be a fun mom!
10.22.2010
Young Mothering
Dear young mother,
It seems like everyone wants something from you. And you’re probably already giving way more than you ever thought you could give. But even with all your giving, you might struggle with guilt—lingering, joy-drenching, energy-sapping guilt—that you should be doing more, giving more, accomplishing more.
Don’t waste that guilt. Pay attention to it. Use it. Take it out of the shadows and examine it in light of Scripture. Is this a godly grief that leads to repentance or a worldly grief that produces death (2 Cor. 7:10)? Is it life-giving or life-depleting? Ask yourself, does this bring fresh joy and peace to those nearest me, or does it add unnecessary stress and strain to my home?
Don’t feel guilty over making your children your primary ministry investment in their early years. Your availability, sensitivity, affection, and unhurried attention are irreplaceable.
There are no neutral moments in a young child’s life. Someone is going to be influencing your children, inculcating values and imprinting standards on their impressionable young minds. Let it be you!
Accept your calling from God to serve your family. As a mother, you are helping to shape the souls of your children for Christ and ultimately influence the world. Your children are your gift to the future.
Does this mean you will never invest in others outside your family? Goodness, no. But if you are a young mother, stay on mission. Use your primary ministry of mothering to serve Christ now. Don’t let anything diminish your unique role as a wife and mother. It is not godly guilt that would call you away from a wholehearted investment in your little ones for his sake.This season in your life is just that—a season. And each season is a divine calling from our creator and king. Organizing a new event at church is important. Teaching your little boy to be kind to his sister is also important. But which one can best be done by you during this season? Serve God well by ministering to your children first. Very soon they will be grown and gone, and you will be unable to recapture the teachable moments you have now.
Mothers, listen to Psalm 78:4-7: “We will . . . tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders he has done . . . that the next generation might know . . . so that they should set their hope in God.”
taken from The Resurgence Blog
10.20.2010
Bible Reading for Children
The Bible is full of sex.
That's kind of a shocking statement but it's actually really true. When my children were little and I wanted them to start reading the Bible I had a difficult time figuring out where it was "safe" for them to read. I carefully chose books and passages after I scanned them to make sure that I wouldn't have them reading stories about sex before they were mature enough. I didn't want Bible reading to bring up the topic earlier than I was prepared to have "the talk" with them.
As I scanned the Bible for books they could read I was actually quite shocked at how much sex is in the Bible. Wow. I hadn't looked at it through those eyes before. Even with carefully chosen passages I had to do some explaining....I came up with some vague explanations so that my kids could still read Scriptures. I gave them definitions that I could later expand upon.
Mom, what's a virgin? "a girl who isn't married yet" (in the Biblical sense this is true)
Mom, what's a prostitute? "a woman who is always chasing after men and isn't faithful to have one husband."
Mom, what's an adulterer? "a person who doesn't stay faithful to their own spouse. They flirt with other men/women and don't love just their own spouse. They usually end up divorced."
There have been many questions like these that I have tried to handle with truth and care. I'm not on the bandwagon of explaining reproduction to young children just because I'm worried that other people will tell my children first. Instead I've tried to protect them from being told too soon. I think that's part of my job as a parent...to protect my children not just physically but with information as well. I don't want them to worry about something or think about something longer than they have to before actually being married. Too much information too early can cause unnecessary worry or curiosity.
Oh be careful little eyes where you go.
That's kind of a shocking statement but it's actually really true. When my children were little and I wanted them to start reading the Bible I had a difficult time figuring out where it was "safe" for them to read. I carefully chose books and passages after I scanned them to make sure that I wouldn't have them reading stories about sex before they were mature enough. I didn't want Bible reading to bring up the topic earlier than I was prepared to have "the talk" with them.
As I scanned the Bible for books they could read I was actually quite shocked at how much sex is in the Bible. Wow. I hadn't looked at it through those eyes before. Even with carefully chosen passages I had to do some explaining....I came up with some vague explanations so that my kids could still read Scriptures. I gave them definitions that I could later expand upon.
Mom, what's a virgin? "a girl who isn't married yet" (in the Biblical sense this is true)
Mom, what's a prostitute? "a woman who is always chasing after men and isn't faithful to have one husband."
Mom, what's an adulterer? "a person who doesn't stay faithful to their own spouse. They flirt with other men/women and don't love just their own spouse. They usually end up divorced."
There have been many questions like these that I have tried to handle with truth and care. I'm not on the bandwagon of explaining reproduction to young children just because I'm worried that other people will tell my children first. Instead I've tried to protect them from being told too soon. I think that's part of my job as a parent...to protect my children not just physically but with information as well. I don't want them to worry about something or think about something longer than they have to before actually being married. Too much information too early can cause unnecessary worry or curiosity.
Oh be careful little eyes where you go.
10.12.2010
why a daughter needs a dad
A daughter needs a dad...
- to show her that true love is unconditional
- to teach her that her value as a person is more than the way she looks
- to teach her that family is more important than work
- to show her that a man can be trustworthy
- to be the safe spot she can always turn to
- to teach her that a man’s strength is not the force of his hands or his voice, but the kindness of his heart
- to be the standard against which she will judge all men
- to help her take risks that will build her confidence
- to hold her when she cries
- to teach her she is important by stopping what he is doing to watch her
Why A Daughter Needs A Dad: 100 Reasons by Gregory E. Lang
9.20.2010
I wish I would have trusted God more....
Carolyn Mahaney on mothering:
“For every fearful peak into the future, I wish I had looked to Christ instead. For each imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the specific, unfailing faithfulness of God. In place of dismay and dread, I wish I had exhibited hope and joy. I wish I had approached mothering like the preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: ‘forecasting victory, not foreboding defeat.”
9.16.2010
Partings in Marriage
"Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes" (celebrate his comings and make the least of his leavings)
I got this advice a little too late. When I was a young bride of 20 years old, I hated when my husband had to leave the house...even for work. Silly looking back on it. I would pout and make him feel guilty for leaving me. Yet, I have always excelled at making the most of his comings. Even when the children were toddlers I always rallied them into a frenzy when Daddy was returning home. We would jump up and down and shout together "Daddy is home!" and he'd walk in the front door only to get clobbered with hugs and kisses. We've kept this up and he is always greeted with a rush to the door and hugs all around...even knock-you-down-hugs as my kids affectionately call them.
Years into parenting, my husband once told me how much he loved that I made his returning to the family such a moment of celebration. It means a lot to him.
I out grew my pouting when he had to leave. Thankfully! Now I try to see him off with the same smile and kiss that greets him when he returns. Hopefully it shows him that I'm happy to hold down the fort while he is away.
9.15.2010
Motherhood with Eternity in View
"To be a good mother, you must have eternity in view... A mother with eternity in view will see the value of relaxing with her children. Housework and schoolwork are so temporal, unless you can do them in a spirit of fellowship with others. Every day deserves a song and a dance... the dance of carefree feet skipping through the blessings and joy of just being. Dirty floors, clothes that didn't get picked up, spilled milk, and schoolwork that didn't get done will be of no consequence 100,000 years from now. Whether poor or rich, highly educated, or common laborer, the heart is cultivated to enjoy God's presence. All else is vanity and vexation of spirit.
"Write down all the things that trouble you during the day... What is the very first irritation of the morning? It may be very subtle. It may not lead to bad words. You may not even be aware that you have yielded to a bad spirit. Write it all down for one day and then review it at night. Was it worth it?
"If you find that your expectations of your spouse or your children are so high that you are angry at them for failing to comply, it is far better to lower your expectations to your smiling threshold than to scowl at them from your high perch."
Michael Pearl
9.10.2010
Sweet Sleep
When I had my first baby I had a romanticized vision of a sweet little cradle in our bedroom, beside my bed, with a precious sleeping baby in it and waking each morning after a restful nights sleep to find my little bundle looking up at me with a smile and wide eyes, well rested as well, and the birds would be chirping a pretty song out my window......
Said baby was born, sweet little cradle was strategically placed in our bedroom, and that's about all that became a reality from my hopes of a sleeping babe. Not only did the baby not sleep soundly (this baby made lots of noises in his sleep), I was not rested when I awoke in the morning (since I had awoken many times in the night to soothe a crying baby), and loud obnoxious crows and a barking dog greeted the morning out my window instead of singing robins like in Mary Poppins. Where did I go wrong? I had it all figured out and then reality sank in. This was going to be harder than I realized.
I solved some of the problems by moving my baby into his own room at only 3 weeks. My friends that were new moms at the time as well thought I was cruel but my husband and I were desperate for some shut eye. I stumbled my way through each day like a drugged zombie longing for some good deep sleep. The baby woke several times a night to be nursed. He was a good baby, always going right back to sleep after nursing but somehow the months rolled by without any improvement in sleep. I rocked him to sleep otherwise he'd cry when I put him down for bed or a nap. I knew something had to change but I didn't know how. I wondered how I would keep this up when we had more children. While I loved rocking my baby to sleep, I knew I had to teach this little one how to sleep on his own otherwise I'd be sorry in a few years...and well, still a zombie.
My friends were recommending books that seemed too cruel to implement...parent directed feedings, no contact bedtimes, no rocking, no snuggling, no soothing a crying a baby, strict and ridged feeding times that left no room for growth spurts, teething, or bonding while nursing. I couldn't embrace those methods and yet I was struggling to find a way to get my baby to sleep.
I found hope and at 9 months old my baby slept through the night for the first time.
I began reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child written by an actual expert (a pediatric sleep doctor from some children's sleep hospital in Boston). It was scientifically based on studies. These studies proved that parent-directed-feedings had no effect on sleep habits (proven by infants studied in the NICU who were fed through IVs continually). I was willing to listen to an expert.
What I learned:
-I could have the best of both worlds....a baby who went to sleep on his own like a pro and get in all my rocking and snuggling! =0)
-Babies have to learn how to sleep. It's a skill just like riding a bike. They learn how to go to sleep but they also have to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. Like feeding himself, going potty, and riding a bike, I wanted him to be independant. I knew of parents who's 5 year olds were still dependent on them for sleep (ie, sleeping with them, or the parents holding their hand till they fell asleep, etc.)
-Snuggling, rocking, comforting, holding, and the like are NOT taboo. They have their place but they are actually very healthy. More about that in a minute.
-Bedtime routines help babies and children prepare for sleep. Babies and children need to unwind. This is where rocking, snuggling, etc comes in. Having a routine that is the same every evening (or at least similar) signals to your baby that it's time for sleep. Same for children....having a bedtime routine helps prepare them mentally, emotionally, and physically for bed. More on bedtime routines in a minute.
-Babies and children need more sleep than you think. America is a sleep deprived nation.
-ADD and ADHD are often misdiagnosed sleep deprivation.
-Sleep begets sleep. That means that overly tired babies and children have a more difficult time getting REM sleep (deep sleep) for extended hours. The flip side is that well rested babies and children will end up sleeping longer and deeper the more sleep that they get.
-Healthy sleep habits are key to a happy baby and child during awake times.
-Growing children, even elementary and teens, often need naps.
So, the good news is, I finally learned how to train my infant to go to sleep and stay asleep. The book tells you how much each age child needs (how many hours in a 24 hour period). That was really helpful since my first born took really long great naps....it helped me gauge how much sleep he needed in a full 24 hours. The book also takes you through each age group explaining their sleep needs and possible routines (not schedules- there is a difference) that may work well for each age. Routines have flexibility, schedules do not. Routines can be baby dictated, schedules are parent dictated.
The hardest part is undoing bad sleep habits. Had I only started out training my infant from the beginning, the "untraining" of bad habits wouldn't have been so tough to endure. Yes, it requires allowing your baby to cry himself to sleep in order to learn how to sleep. I didn't follow the book perfectly which is why I liked this book. It's not rigid. Any book that says there is only ONE way to do things and one way to raise your children are not realistic. Children are not robots. They are all different and you have to figure out each child and what works with them. I guess that's one of the hard things about being a mom...figuring out each child, their personalities, their make up of who they are....
After I had my first baby, baby number two was born. She was a completely different baby in every way. She took short naps and slept long through the night. I was able to implement what I had learned right from the beginning with her and wow, it paid off. She even went down for bed without crying...she loved sleep and even if she did cry at nap time it was only for about 2 min. I timed it and I'm not kidding.
So, here are the basics of what worked for us:
-breastfeeding on demand
for one baby that was every 4 hours for the other baby it was around every 2 hours. For the first baby it meant waking in the night to nurse until he was 9 months old and for the second baby that meant waking in the night to nurse until she was just under 3 months old but by 8 weeks she often slept through the night without waking to nurse (she slept from 7pm-7am by the time she was 3 months old till she was about 7 years old).
-sleep time routine
this always included rocking with their blanky
(but not rocking to the point that they fell asleep because then they'd always expect to be rocked to sleep. I laid them down in bed just when they were getting relaxed and sleepy.)
this sometimes included reading them a book, singing to them, a warm bath, baby massage, etc.
All of these things signaled to them that it was almost sleep time and it was time to relax. Once they were relaxed from these things I would lay them down in their bed.
-make a comfy place to sleep
a room painted in soft colors decorated with other soft colors
clean sheets and blankets (always provide your infant and children with a clean place to sleep-wash bedding weekly)
soft sheets and blankets (provide the best you can and make it snuggly)
proper cozy jammies (not too cold not too hot)
-sleep blanket, sleep animal, sleep binky
we let our kids have a binky and by the second child I figured out that it was best to make the binky only for sleeping. This prevented binky attachment later.
I always put the same blanket and stuffed animal in their crib so that they got attached to them. That way when I rocked them with those two items they knew it was sleep time. It also was a comfort to them when we were sleeping away from home.
-same sleep place
while training a baby to sleep we found it key to keep the place that they slept always the same. Their own quiet room in their own comfy crib instead of naps in a pack-n-play here or there or sleeping one night in the parent's bed, the next night in a pack-n-play, the next night on mom in the recliner, etc. Create a sleep place so that your baby knows where they sleep and gets comfortable with the familiarity of sleeping there.
-while the book suggest letting your baby cry till they fall asleep, I wasn't comfortable allowing it to go longer than 30 minutes. If we reached 30 minutes of crying when I was re-training our first born to sleep, then I would do as the book suggested... go in and check on him but not say a word. If he was okay, then I'd lay him back down and leave the room. He finally figured out that I wasn't going to get him back up or rock him to sleep. He eventually learned to just go to sleep.
My two babies are 11 and 9 years old now and they are both great sleepers. Our bedtime routine now consist of brushing teeth, saying bedtime prayers together, hugs, kisses, reading books in bed, and then we always say "spit spot" to each other (from Mary Poppins- just a silly tradition we started. I guess for us it kind of means "now get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning")
I've never had trouble with my kids getting out of bed. I've had other people say to me "well, you just got lucky with easy kids." HA, I don't think so! In fact I don't think there is such a thing as "easy kids". People just want to believe that since they haven't taken the pains to train their own children that you must have just gotten lucky with easy kids. I'll tell you the reason I haven't had trouble with the "I need another drink, I need to go potty again, I need to tell you something" routine that most kids pull....it's because I trained my children to sleep from the beginning. It's never crossed their minds to get back out of bed. They love sleep and they know it's good for them. When they moved from a crib to a bed there were no issues with getting out of bed.
The best part is that I have happy, rested children. They have the gift of good sleep, good health, good focus through the day with plenty of energy. They love their snugly beds and truly appreciate their bedtime.... the gift to us as parents is kids who go right to bed with ease so that we have the evening alone to unwind from our day and connect as a couple. It's also a blessing to us when we have company and our kids go down without a peep and we can continue to enjoy our company.
Do your baby a favor and teach them how to sleep. They will benefit from it for the rest of their lives. It will create a healthy and peaceful home to grow up in...where mother is rested, mother has breaks during the day during naps to refresh herself, and the whole family has sweet sleep through the nights. Balance that with lots of snuggle time and rocking when your babies and children are awake.
I know not everyone will embrace the same sleep methods and that's okay. Do what works for your family. We all parent in ways that are important to us. For me, I've wanted to give my kids the gift of good sleep habits. I didn't want them to be dependent on me for sleep. I felt it gave them a healthier lifestyle and gave my husband and I the freedom to have a more balanced marriage and family life which in turn blesses my children back.
Said baby was born, sweet little cradle was strategically placed in our bedroom, and that's about all that became a reality from my hopes of a sleeping babe. Not only did the baby not sleep soundly (this baby made lots of noises in his sleep), I was not rested when I awoke in the morning (since I had awoken many times in the night to soothe a crying baby), and loud obnoxious crows and a barking dog greeted the morning out my window instead of singing robins like in Mary Poppins. Where did I go wrong? I had it all figured out and then reality sank in. This was going to be harder than I realized.
I solved some of the problems by moving my baby into his own room at only 3 weeks. My friends that were new moms at the time as well thought I was cruel but my husband and I were desperate for some shut eye. I stumbled my way through each day like a drugged zombie longing for some good deep sleep. The baby woke several times a night to be nursed. He was a good baby, always going right back to sleep after nursing but somehow the months rolled by without any improvement in sleep. I rocked him to sleep otherwise he'd cry when I put him down for bed or a nap. I knew something had to change but I didn't know how. I wondered how I would keep this up when we had more children. While I loved rocking my baby to sleep, I knew I had to teach this little one how to sleep on his own otherwise I'd be sorry in a few years...and well, still a zombie.
My friends were recommending books that seemed too cruel to implement...parent directed feedings, no contact bedtimes, no rocking, no snuggling, no soothing a crying a baby, strict and ridged feeding times that left no room for growth spurts, teething, or bonding while nursing. I couldn't embrace those methods and yet I was struggling to find a way to get my baby to sleep.
I found hope and at 9 months old my baby slept through the night for the first time.
I began reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child written by an actual expert (a pediatric sleep doctor from some children's sleep hospital in Boston). It was scientifically based on studies. These studies proved that parent-directed-feedings had no effect on sleep habits (proven by infants studied in the NICU who were fed through IVs continually). I was willing to listen to an expert.
What I learned:
-I could have the best of both worlds....a baby who went to sleep on his own like a pro and get in all my rocking and snuggling! =0)
-Babies have to learn how to sleep. It's a skill just like riding a bike. They learn how to go to sleep but they also have to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. Like feeding himself, going potty, and riding a bike, I wanted him to be independant. I knew of parents who's 5 year olds were still dependent on them for sleep (ie, sleeping with them, or the parents holding their hand till they fell asleep, etc.)
-Snuggling, rocking, comforting, holding, and the like are NOT taboo. They have their place but they are actually very healthy. More about that in a minute.
-Bedtime routines help babies and children prepare for sleep. Babies and children need to unwind. This is where rocking, snuggling, etc comes in. Having a routine that is the same every evening (or at least similar) signals to your baby that it's time for sleep. Same for children....having a bedtime routine helps prepare them mentally, emotionally, and physically for bed. More on bedtime routines in a minute.
-Babies and children need more sleep than you think. America is a sleep deprived nation.
-ADD and ADHD are often misdiagnosed sleep deprivation.
-Sleep begets sleep. That means that overly tired babies and children have a more difficult time getting REM sleep (deep sleep) for extended hours. The flip side is that well rested babies and children will end up sleeping longer and deeper the more sleep that they get.
-Healthy sleep habits are key to a happy baby and child during awake times.
-Growing children, even elementary and teens, often need naps.
So, the good news is, I finally learned how to train my infant to go to sleep and stay asleep. The book tells you how much each age child needs (how many hours in a 24 hour period). That was really helpful since my first born took really long great naps....it helped me gauge how much sleep he needed in a full 24 hours. The book also takes you through each age group explaining their sleep needs and possible routines (not schedules- there is a difference) that may work well for each age. Routines have flexibility, schedules do not. Routines can be baby dictated, schedules are parent dictated.
The hardest part is undoing bad sleep habits. Had I only started out training my infant from the beginning, the "untraining" of bad habits wouldn't have been so tough to endure. Yes, it requires allowing your baby to cry himself to sleep in order to learn how to sleep. I didn't follow the book perfectly which is why I liked this book. It's not rigid. Any book that says there is only ONE way to do things and one way to raise your children are not realistic. Children are not robots. They are all different and you have to figure out each child and what works with them. I guess that's one of the hard things about being a mom...figuring out each child, their personalities, their make up of who they are....
After I had my first baby, baby number two was born. She was a completely different baby in every way. She took short naps and slept long through the night. I was able to implement what I had learned right from the beginning with her and wow, it paid off. She even went down for bed without crying...she loved sleep and even if she did cry at nap time it was only for about 2 min. I timed it and I'm not kidding.
So, here are the basics of what worked for us:
-breastfeeding on demand
for one baby that was every 4 hours for the other baby it was around every 2 hours. For the first baby it meant waking in the night to nurse until he was 9 months old and for the second baby that meant waking in the night to nurse until she was just under 3 months old but by 8 weeks she often slept through the night without waking to nurse (she slept from 7pm-7am by the time she was 3 months old till she was about 7 years old).
-sleep time routine
this always included rocking with their blanky
(but not rocking to the point that they fell asleep because then they'd always expect to be rocked to sleep. I laid them down in bed just when they were getting relaxed and sleepy.)
this sometimes included reading them a book, singing to them, a warm bath, baby massage, etc.
All of these things signaled to them that it was almost sleep time and it was time to relax. Once they were relaxed from these things I would lay them down in their bed.
-make a comfy place to sleep
a room painted in soft colors decorated with other soft colors
clean sheets and blankets (always provide your infant and children with a clean place to sleep-wash bedding weekly)
soft sheets and blankets (provide the best you can and make it snuggly)
proper cozy jammies (not too cold not too hot)
-sleep blanket, sleep animal, sleep binky
we let our kids have a binky and by the second child I figured out that it was best to make the binky only for sleeping. This prevented binky attachment later.
I always put the same blanket and stuffed animal in their crib so that they got attached to them. That way when I rocked them with those two items they knew it was sleep time. It also was a comfort to them when we were sleeping away from home.
-same sleep place
while training a baby to sleep we found it key to keep the place that they slept always the same. Their own quiet room in their own comfy crib instead of naps in a pack-n-play here or there or sleeping one night in the parent's bed, the next night in a pack-n-play, the next night on mom in the recliner, etc. Create a sleep place so that your baby knows where they sleep and gets comfortable with the familiarity of sleeping there.
-while the book suggest letting your baby cry till they fall asleep, I wasn't comfortable allowing it to go longer than 30 minutes. If we reached 30 minutes of crying when I was re-training our first born to sleep, then I would do as the book suggested... go in and check on him but not say a word. If he was okay, then I'd lay him back down and leave the room. He finally figured out that I wasn't going to get him back up or rock him to sleep. He eventually learned to just go to sleep.
My two babies are 11 and 9 years old now and they are both great sleepers. Our bedtime routine now consist of brushing teeth, saying bedtime prayers together, hugs, kisses, reading books in bed, and then we always say "spit spot" to each other (from Mary Poppins- just a silly tradition we started. I guess for us it kind of means "now get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning")
I've never had trouble with my kids getting out of bed. I've had other people say to me "well, you just got lucky with easy kids." HA, I don't think so! In fact I don't think there is such a thing as "easy kids". People just want to believe that since they haven't taken the pains to train their own children that you must have just gotten lucky with easy kids. I'll tell you the reason I haven't had trouble with the "I need another drink, I need to go potty again, I need to tell you something" routine that most kids pull....it's because I trained my children to sleep from the beginning. It's never crossed their minds to get back out of bed. They love sleep and they know it's good for them. When they moved from a crib to a bed there were no issues with getting out of bed.
The best part is that I have happy, rested children. They have the gift of good sleep, good health, good focus through the day with plenty of energy. They love their snugly beds and truly appreciate their bedtime.... the gift to us as parents is kids who go right to bed with ease so that we have the evening alone to unwind from our day and connect as a couple. It's also a blessing to us when we have company and our kids go down without a peep and we can continue to enjoy our company.
Do your baby a favor and teach them how to sleep. They will benefit from it for the rest of their lives. It will create a healthy and peaceful home to grow up in...where mother is rested, mother has breaks during the day during naps to refresh herself, and the whole family has sweet sleep through the nights. Balance that with lots of snuggle time and rocking when your babies and children are awake.
I know not everyone will embrace the same sleep methods and that's okay. Do what works for your family. We all parent in ways that are important to us. For me, I've wanted to give my kids the gift of good sleep habits. I didn't want them to be dependent on me for sleep. I felt it gave them a healthier lifestyle and gave my husband and I the freedom to have a more balanced marriage and family life which in turn blesses my children back.
9.05.2010
Snuggle
Snuggle your kids. Pull them up on your lap. Rock them. Hug them. Kiss them. Massage their feet. Rub their backs. Tickle their necks. Play with their hair. Rub lotion into their legs, arms, and feet after a bath. Wrap them warm in blankets with socks on and snuggle on the couch. Pull out the sleeper sofa or blow up the air mattress and have cuddle time with popcorn and a movie in the living room. Let them climb into your bed in the morning. Climb into their bed in the morning and cuddle. Always hug hello and always hug goodbye. Shaking hands is for strangers. Kiss goodnight. Have them hug each other goodnight and goodbye.
Develop an affectionate family that has a bond strong enough to give comfort through a knowing hug. You won't regret raising an affectionate child. The human touch is a powerful communicator. When the teen years become trying, when they leave home and face their own adult life challenges, coming back "home" into a parent's embrace can give the assurance that words sometimes can't convey. It's the knowing squeeze of a hand, the crying on a shoulder, the embrace of strong loving arms that say "I'll hold you up when you can't stand up." Cultivate an affection that begins with rocking a newborn, snuggling a toddler, cuddles in bed with a child, a reassuring hug with your teen, foot massages with a young adult child.
Be an affectionate mother. Meet your child's emotional needs and fill their "affection bank" every day with the deposits of compassion. Be a compassionate mother when your toddler tumbles, when your newborn cries for comfort in a cradle, when your little one needs some rocking before bed, or your older child needs some hugs or sofa time.
I'm not talking about rocking your child to sleep every night because you've spoiled them and they can't go to sleep any other way. I'm not talking about creating a sleep environment that makes your infant or child completely dependent on you for sleep. There is a difference. We always worked hard to develop good sleep routines and habits for our children but a healthy bedtime routine (wind down) included lots of snuggle and affection. As a mother I did infant massage on my babies and have kept it up all their lives. They love back rubs and they know how to give a good one back. We have some of the best heart to heart talks when we are snuggling, massaging each others feet, talking in bed on an early morning, or cuddling on the sofa. I will always cherish rocking them every evening before bed....priceless.
Give your children the security of affection.
Develop an affectionate family that has a bond strong enough to give comfort through a knowing hug. You won't regret raising an affectionate child. The human touch is a powerful communicator. When the teen years become trying, when they leave home and face their own adult life challenges, coming back "home" into a parent's embrace can give the assurance that words sometimes can't convey. It's the knowing squeeze of a hand, the crying on a shoulder, the embrace of strong loving arms that say "I'll hold you up when you can't stand up." Cultivate an affection that begins with rocking a newborn, snuggling a toddler, cuddles in bed with a child, a reassuring hug with your teen, foot massages with a young adult child.
Be an affectionate mother. Meet your child's emotional needs and fill their "affection bank" every day with the deposits of compassion. Be a compassionate mother when your toddler tumbles, when your newborn cries for comfort in a cradle, when your little one needs some rocking before bed, or your older child needs some hugs or sofa time.
I'm not talking about rocking your child to sleep every night because you've spoiled them and they can't go to sleep any other way. I'm not talking about creating a sleep environment that makes your infant or child completely dependent on you for sleep. There is a difference. We always worked hard to develop good sleep routines and habits for our children but a healthy bedtime routine (wind down) included lots of snuggle and affection. As a mother I did infant massage on my babies and have kept it up all their lives. They love back rubs and they know how to give a good one back. We have some of the best heart to heart talks when we are snuggling, massaging each others feet, talking in bed on an early morning, or cuddling on the sofa. I will always cherish rocking them every evening before bed....priceless.
Give your children the security of affection.
8.14.2010
a complaining mother?
“A woman needs to cultivate the habitual feeling that all the events of her nursery and kitchen are brought about by the permission of our Heavenly Father, and that fretfulness or complaint in regard to these is, in fact, complaining at the appointments of God, and is really as sinful as submissive murmurs amid the sorer chastisements of His hand. And a woman who cultivates this habit of referring all the minor trials of life to the wise and benevolent agency of a heavenly Parent, and daily seeks His sympathy and aid to enable her to meet them with a quiet and cheerful spirit, will soon find it the perennial spring of abiding peace and content.”
The American Woman’s Home by Catherine and Harriet Beecher Stowe 1869
The American Woman’s Home by Catherine and Harriet Beecher Stowe 1869
8.12.2010
Raising Boys
If you are raising sons, a fun idea is to pick up electronics at garage sales for your boys to take apart. They can explore and learn how things work without ruining any of your gadgets that you'd like to keep using. When you are at garage sales look for items such as:
old phones
radios
type writers
fans
shower heads
remote controls
flashlights
speakers
CD players
video camera/video tapes
cell phones
toasters
and more
and then give him a pair of work goggles and hammer. =0) No really, a set of tools out in the garage or on the back patio with these items could bring hours of fun and education.
old phones
radios
type writers
fans
shower heads
remote controls
flashlights
speakers
CD players
video camera/video tapes
cell phones
toasters
and more
and then give him a pair of work goggles and hammer. =0) No really, a set of tools out in the garage or on the back patio with these items could bring hours of fun and education.
8.04.2010
Free or Slave?
"[Feminism] is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands." ". --G.K. Chesterton, The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton, vol. 4, p. 440
7.24.2010
Balloon Time
When my kids were little and we were couped up in the house from either winter weather or too hot in the summer weather, I would blow up some balloons for them to play with. They loved it and it was great cheap entertainment. It was a nice break from their usual toys and helped kill bordem. It also served as a great way to get them up and active. Playing with balloons is an activity that works for a wide span of ages.
So, keep a package of balloons handy for some cheap fun and exercise. A package of balloons also travels light and easy....bring them on vacation. They are great fun while camping or in a boring hotel room. Make up games like "don't let the balloon touch the floor" and "balloon volley ball" using a string for a net.
So, keep a package of balloons handy for some cheap fun and exercise. A package of balloons also travels light and easy....bring them on vacation. They are great fun while camping or in a boring hotel room. Make up games like "don't let the balloon touch the floor" and "balloon volley ball" using a string for a net.
6.17.2010
The Blanket Sleeper
The blanket sleeper is probably one of the most misunderstood articles of clothing. Known to most people as a "sleeper" that you put on a baby for sleeping. Made of fleece type material with plastic soles on the feet and zipper that zips all the way to the collar. I'm not sure what generation started putting blanket sleepers on babies without jammies on underneath but regardless, this has become common.
The blanket sleeper was designed to be a blanket that wouldn't fall off of your baby. It's intended purpose is to be put on over your baby's pajamas (like the thin cotton ones below). Since babies rarely keep their covers on they could end up being very cold in the night without a blanket. The blanket sleeper is a blanket that you put on your baby and zip up so that it won't fall off. It's not intended to replace your baby's pajamas.
Blanket sleepers are not soft on the inside like cotton pajamas are. I always feel bad for babies that I see in just a blanket sleeper with their bare skin. I'm guessing that the misuse of blanket sleepers began in climates that are generally warmer than most. As cold as it is where we live now the blanket sleeper has been awesome in keeping our kids warm when they were babies and toddlers. Blanket sleepers work really well over thin cotton toddler jammies as well, like these below.
If your baby has trouble sleeping at night, kicks his/her covers off, or wakes up with cold hands or feet, you may want to consider using a blanket sleeper over their jammies. But if you live in a warm/hot climate, it's good to avoid blanket sleepers altogether. Blanket sleepers are rarely made with cotton anymore. They are usually made with polyester which is not breathable and can make your baby too warm. It would be healthier in a warm climate (or during summer months) to put your baby in cotton jammies and not use a blanket sleeper at all.
Tips-
-blanket sleepers should not go through the dryer...the dryer sucks out the lint.....they lose all their thickness like socks do. Hang them to dry.
-try to find cotton blend or cotton blanket sleepers if you can...
here are some online cotton blanket sleepers:
ComfyKid.com- blanket sleepers
ComfyKid.com - Halo sleepsack
-consider sewing your own blanket sleepers out of a cotton material.
The blanket sleeper was designed to be a blanket that wouldn't fall off of your baby. It's intended purpose is to be put on over your baby's pajamas (like the thin cotton ones below). Since babies rarely keep their covers on they could end up being very cold in the night without a blanket. The blanket sleeper is a blanket that you put on your baby and zip up so that it won't fall off. It's not intended to replace your baby's pajamas.
Blanket sleepers are not soft on the inside like cotton pajamas are. I always feel bad for babies that I see in just a blanket sleeper with their bare skin. I'm guessing that the misuse of blanket sleepers began in climates that are generally warmer than most. As cold as it is where we live now the blanket sleeper has been awesome in keeping our kids warm when they were babies and toddlers. Blanket sleepers work really well over thin cotton toddler jammies as well, like these below.
If your baby has trouble sleeping at night, kicks his/her covers off, or wakes up with cold hands or feet, you may want to consider using a blanket sleeper over their jammies. But if you live in a warm/hot climate, it's good to avoid blanket sleepers altogether. Blanket sleepers are rarely made with cotton anymore. They are usually made with polyester which is not breathable and can make your baby too warm. It would be healthier in a warm climate (or during summer months) to put your baby in cotton jammies and not use a blanket sleeper at all.
Tips--blanket sleepers should not go through the dryer...the dryer sucks out the lint.....they lose all their thickness like socks do. Hang them to dry.
-try to find cotton blend or cotton blanket sleepers if you can...
here are some online cotton blanket sleepers:
ComfyKid.com- blanket sleepers
ComfyKid.com - Halo sleepsack
-consider sewing your own blanket sleepers out of a cotton material.
6.14.2010
On being a stay-at-home-daughter
Whenever a conversation about raising homemakers gets started, you can be sure to expect a few standard responses. The one I most enjoy answering is: “Well, that’s all fine and good if a girl gets married at eighteen or twenty, but that’s not really likely in this day and age. What is she supposed to do with her in-between time? And what if she never gets married at all? Wouldn’t those homemaking skills go to waste? And wouldn’t her other gifts go to waste as well?”
Up until my sophomore year in high school, I wasn’t training to be a homemaker. Far from it, I thought that most housewives were housewives because they didn’t have the intellect or ambition to be anything else. I wanted to go to NYU to explore my interest in filmmaking -I wanted to go to Oxford to learn English and history at the school where my dad had done much of his post-graduate work. I wanted everything… except for the little white house with the picket fence -if you had asked me in high school whether or not I ever wanted a family of my own, I’d have answered you that I was pretty sure my spiritual gift was singleness.
Despite being raised by a homemaker (a stellar homeschool mama who graduated cum laude from one of the biggest historically black colleges in America) and loving her dearly, I always remember asking my mom how she “gave everything up” to be at home with us. She would always smile at me patiently, a twinkle in her eye, and say that she didn’t know how she had given up the opportunity to invest in her home for something else in the first place.
Even as my college dreams were gently laid to rest -as the Lord slowly began convicting me of the condescending attitude I had towards “those girls” who wanted nothing more than to be wives and mothers when they grew up -I found opportunities to use and nurture the gifts, passions, and abilities I had in this new context: the home.
Now twenty, I am what some would call a “stay at home” daughter. I have chosen to live at home under the covering of my family until marriage. It’s a complete turnaround from my former ambitions, and the only thing I could tell you about the girl who writes this article vs. her fiercely independent and ambitious high school counterpart is that I have really patient parents, who wanted to support me in whatever post-high school path I chose to take, and who constantly inspired me to stay immersed in God’s Word -I read fantastic resources that highlighted the beauty of a homeward calling -and I serve a mighty God, who changed my heart. I’m still headstrong -and I’m still ambitious -but my focus has changed. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman more than anything else in this world.
But what about these in-between years? Surely, learning to cook and clean should only take so much time. Can’t I go to college and get a career in the meantime, and drop it all when I get married?
I am a junior in an online college program, working towards an English literature degree. I am an aspiring author who just signed her first publishing contract last month. I am currently finished with the first draft of my first book and started on a second. I was the sole employee for my dad’s online store from sixteen to nineteen, and by the time we outsourced, I was filling one hundred orders and taking about twice that many phone calls a week. After I have my B.A., I would love to pursue a nouthetic counseling certification, and am already making plans to start my first home business teaching an literature/history/writing class.
Most importantly, I have a family to serve -five brothers, four of whom are five and under who keep me incredibly busy between wrangling and homeschooling (my mom lets me homeschool my three-year-old brother, which is a rewarding learning experience for both of us) -a dad who needs a research assistant, sometimes one who’s ready to run through three to five books a week to find what he needs -and a mom to whom I am an apprentice, from meal-plans to laundry to errands to anything else that she needs to do on a day-to-day basis.
I don’t assume that I will be married someday -the ratio of women to men in America is roughly 2 to 1, and, as a black woman, I know that there is a 54% chance that I will remain single. Although I do trust that, if it’s the Lord’s will that I marry, it only takes one man -the right man -to walk into my life for that to happen, I have lived a full life -I could ask for nothing more than the opportunities the Lord has given me here, or the room I have to take advantage of them.
If I don’t get married for ten years -if I never get married -I am planning to continue to develop those Proverbs 31 skills to bless my family, church, and community. If I have a homeward focus during singleness and end up remaining single, I have lost nothing -I have gained practical skills that have helped me to have a full life at home doing what I love with the people I love. If I spend my time only investing in those passions of mine that have nothing to do with becoming that Proverbs 31 woman, I have lost a lot of vital time in preparation, and, I would argue, some pivotal years of growth and ministry.
I am an individual -the Lord made me unique -special. The same is true of you -of your daughters -of your mothers. Embracing a homeward calling does not eradicate those unique aspects of my personality. It just focuses them on the most beautiful context I could possibly use them in: my home (Titus 2:3-5) . The more I learn about the exciting sphere of the home, the more I understand the secret behind my mother’s smile: honestly, there is no place I’d rather be.
6.13.2010
Like you haven't seen her in a long time.....
Today, Emilee and I ran some errands together. At one point while at the check out counter, Emilee and I were discussing our purchase together while the kind woman behind the counter waited for us to make up our minds. The woman interrupted and asked me, "is she your daughter?"
I answered, "Yes, she is. Why? Does she not look like me?"
The woman behind the counter answered, "oh no, it's just that you are talking to her like you haven't seen her in a long time."
I was puzzled. I wasn't sure how to take that. After much pondering I figured I could take it as a compliment.
I hope that I speak with such love and adoration for my daughter that when I speak to her it's as if we've been reunited after being apart. I hope that I respect her feelings and opinions so that our conversation may seem to be extra polite and considerate of each others feelings. May I always respect her input on decision making with every day things as if I'm giving her preference on a special day of being reunited. I hope that I speak to my daughter as if every day with her is like a day reunited after a long parting. May I always treat her as if every day were a celebration to be together again.
Are other mothers and daughters in the store just bearing with one another, not connecting with one another, and distant from one another that Emilee and I seem an odd pair? Do we stand out because our love shines through to the point that one would think we were celebrating a long parting by going out shopping together? If that is the case then Amen! and Amen again!
I answered, "Yes, she is. Why? Does she not look like me?"
The woman behind the counter answered, "oh no, it's just that you are talking to her like you haven't seen her in a long time."
I was puzzled. I wasn't sure how to take that. After much pondering I figured I could take it as a compliment.
I hope that I speak with such love and adoration for my daughter that when I speak to her it's as if we've been reunited after being apart. I hope that I respect her feelings and opinions so that our conversation may seem to be extra polite and considerate of each others feelings. May I always respect her input on decision making with every day things as if I'm giving her preference on a special day of being reunited. I hope that I speak to my daughter as if every day with her is like a day reunited after a long parting. May I always treat her as if every day were a celebration to be together again.
Are other mothers and daughters in the store just bearing with one another, not connecting with one another, and distant from one another that Emilee and I seem an odd pair? Do we stand out because our love shines through to the point that one would think we were celebrating a long parting by going out shopping together? If that is the case then Amen! and Amen again!
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