Ministry, Marriage and Mistakes

While I realize that this video will not print up into this blog when I make it a book, I decided to share it here, regardless, for any that are following this blog. My husband and I watched this video last night and I was moved to tears and a very long discussion took place after it was over as we marveled about our own sin in these areas of ministry and our marriage. While we have not struggled with all of the things mentioned or to the extent that he describes some pastors and their wives struggling with, we were convicted as we looked back over our years of ministry and how ministry has it's way of silently creeping it's way into your life as an idol.

It's applicable to couples who are not in full time ministry as well. If we don't protect our families and prioritize correctly we will suffer the consequences. While convicted and even grieving over our past struggles I was also encouraged by all the things I realize now that we've done right. We haven't become a statistic and our marriage has stayed close and very intimate through it all despite poor management at times on our part. Praise God.

Every couple entering church planting or full time ministry should have to watch this before they commit to go into ministry. God help the church and the pastors who lead them.

On Being a Good Guest

Luke 14:7-11

⁷When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: ⁸“When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. ⁹If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. ¹⁰But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. ¹¹For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 25:6-7

⁶ Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence, and do not claim a place among great men; ⁷ it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here," than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.

Proverbs 25:17

¹⁷ Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house- too much of you, and he will hate you.

Proverbs 23:1-3

¹ When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, ² and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. ³ Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.

Living Clean

It pays to live clean. I've come to discover that knowing how to clean and living clean are two different things. Most people know how to clean well enough when their house gets dirty and messy but not very many people live clean in-between.

You can touch stuff in your house with sticky hands never washing and never wiping off. You can spill in the kitchen and leave it. You can get toothpaste all over the sink and counter (and sometimes walls as I've discovered in my house cleaning business) and choose not to wipe it up. You can let dirt and crumbs fall on the floor and not think twice about sweeping them up. You can also not put things away.

OR

You can wash your hands so they aren't sticky and wipe up counters and sinks as you go. You can wipe off cabinets and handles, keep the lid on the toothpaste and even wipe off the toothpaste to keep it clean. You can sweep up the floor and wipe up the spills. You can take the few seconds it requires to put something away when you are done with it. Doing this you will find that you save yourself a ton of time on cleaning day and that your home is maintained better in general.

It's worth training your children to live clean by teaching them to clean up after themselves, wipe off, wash off, and sweep up. How early can you start this? As early as they make messes.

Even with potty training you have an opportunity to teach "living clean". Most parents think of potty training as "teaching my kids to go pee and poop in the toilet". Oh, it is SO much more than that! When I was potty training my kids I taught them the entire process.

Shut the door for privacy.
Go potty or poop.
Use toilet paper (3 squares) and properly wipe (there is a "right" way you know).
Close the lid of the seat.
Flush the toilet.
Wash your hands with soap.
Dry off your hands.
Turn off the light.

I feel sorry for the parent that fails to teach all of these steps. Trying to teach them after the fact is difficult. Don't miss the opportunity to teach at the moment a habit is learned. How often I have had children over to my house who don't flush, leave the lid up, and don't wash. How often I have had adults over who do the same! Living clean in this area can keep a much cleaner bathroom and no surprises in the toilet left for later. Not that we have kept living clean as a strict standard but it sure does help to at least have these habits in general.

Living clean means we respect what God has given us. Being a good steward of everything God has given us is honorable. We are not so lazy that we just spill and leave it. Living clean means that we show favor to the ones that have to live with us. It also means that our home is more ready for hospitality. It also ensures that we don't have a huge mountain of work ahead of us when we do decide to finally clean.

Hospitality and Single

This is taken from an interview with Dr. Pat Ennis, department head of The Master's College Home Ec. Department and co-author of Practicing Hospitality.

In reading Practicing Hospitality, I noted that you are a "mature single professional" (is, I think, how you termed it.) I've been talking to other single female friends that I know and asking them how difficult they find it to be to both extend and receive hospitality. They note it as a particular challenge, one expressing how awkward people feel around her single state in a room full of married couples and families. What advice would you give to the single, in particular, that might help to alleviate the awkwardness? You talked a bit about this subject in your book in Chapter 6, but I'm wondering if you'd have any additional or pointed advice to offer.

I am a “mature single professional” and as I shared in chapter 6, had I waited until I was married to practice hospitality, I would have missed hundreds of opportunities to minister to others. I truly understand the awkwardness at being a single individual in a room full of married couples and families. While my advice is not necessarily going to work for everyone, I can communicate what my gracious heavenly Father taught me that changed my entire outlook toward extending hospitality.

Early in my college teaching I was whining to Him about feeling like a misfit among married couples and families. He lovingly reminded me that as His adopted child I am complete in Him (Colossians 2:10) regardless of my marital status. My failure to acknowledge my position as His daughter caused me to be discontent and was creating within me a stand-offish, aloof attitude. I was much like a porcupine on a cold winter night—I desperately needed to be with others but my prickly attitude caused others to shun me. As I allowed my heavenly Father to soften my heart I found that my lack of a spouse was not the challenge in my interpersonal relations—it was my attitude. The truth of Proverbs 18:24 and Philippians 4:11-12 was once again reinforced in my heart—to have friends I must be friendly and I am to be content as a single woman. This is to be my attitude toward others regardless of whether or not they respond positively.

My experience with singles is that many are isolated because they choose to be. Rather than reaching out to others, they wait for others to include them. It is important for singles to “stretch out their hands” to families, couples, and others who are alone and in need of companionship. This action is a character quality resident in the godly woman described in Proverbs 31:10-31. The principle is applicable to all believers, not just women.

The single person has much more discretionary time and often resources than a married person. 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 reminds us that the single person has the freedom to serve the Lord with fewer hindrances. Failure to use the single status to reach out to others is poor stewardship of one’s unmarried status. Eagerly practicing hospitality, using the suggestions in our book, can “prime the pump” to stimulate singles’ creativity. Thinking “outside of the box” rather than wallowing in self-pity is a step toward fulfilling the biblical instructions to extend hospitality—and remember they are instructions, not suggestions (Romans 12:13; Hebrews 13:2). I know, from personal experience, the joy of having submitted myself to these instructions and have many rich memories because of my choice to obey them.

A final word on this topic—singles practicing hospitality is like learning to ride a bike or roller blades. More than likely while they are learning the skill they can get bruised, scratched, and will sometimes be discouraged. But for the accomplished rider or skater the thrill of the activity is worth every obstacle that occurred to gain proficiency. Though perhaps lonely, a single is safe in isolation—but that’s not what Christians were saved for (Matthew 28:19-20). May I encourage you to take the risk and extend hospitality? I believe you will find joy in doing so!

Homemaking Internship

"But the truth is that homemaking involves so much more than just cleaning a house. The commands in Scripture to love, follow, and help a husband; to raise children for the glory of God; and to manage a home encompass a vast responsibility. Homemaking requires an extremely diverse array of skills—everything from management abilities, to knowledge of health and nutrition, to interior decorating capabilities, to childhood development expertise. If you are to become an effective homemaker, then you must study these subjects and many more.

Finally, back to you, daughters. Let me encourage each of you to embrace your mother’s domestic teaching. Allow her to probe your heart and direct your affections toward the home. And take it one step further. Appoint yourself as your mom’s homemaking assistant. In addition to your assigned chores, be on the lookout for practical ways you can shoulder more of her homemaking responsibilities. In so doing, you will not only receive vital training for your future mission, but you will honor God by expressing your femininity today. In conclusion, let me leave you with these words from John Angell James:

My young friends, let it be
your constant aim, and at
the same time your earnest
prayer, that you may first of all
thoroughly understand your
mission, and then diligently
prepare for it, and hereafter
as successfully fulfill it."

Carolyn Mahaney

Read the whole article here. I'm printing it for my daughter.

Front Porch Mentoring

This article couldn't be closer to my heart when it comes to generational fellowship and shining our light in our neighborhoods and well, how I feel about my cherished front porch. Nine years ago, getting to know my neighbors was new to me as an adult and I'm so pleased to now have wonderful relationships with some of my neighbors. And it's not because they are all just like me. Many of them have very different lives, religious beliefs, and are very different ages. I cherish each one. Some are ones that I hopefully shine a light too even during the times I'm not verbally witnessing to them and some of them are huge encouragements to me in my striving to serve God. Beyond neighbors, I hope to instill in my daughter the practice of hospitality that sits on the front porch and gleans from one another while sipping tea. We use our front porch often and have had so many come to sit with us. Great conversations have taken place on our front porch with young and old.

"One of the things I love best about hearing tales of "the good old days" is the camaraderie between neighbors and the kinship that linked generations. Little girls learned how to be women simply by being with the women in their lives. Cooking, keeping house, taking care of babies- all the ins and outs of womanhood were learned as a matter of course simply by one generation absorbing these things from previous ones.

This old-fashioned, front-porch style of passing on values and skills seems lost on my generation; in part, because we are simply too busy to be involved in each other's lives, and, in part, because we are a very scattered generation of young folk.

A lot of us live hours- or even states- away from our parents and extended family. Our generation has more technology at its finger tips than previous ones ever dreamt possible; email, instant messaging, texting and cell phones all enable us to keep in touch with loved ones, literally at the touch of a button.

Yet we are are more emotionally distant and withdrawn from those around us than generations past. How many of us know more about our next door neighbors than their first name? How many times have we invited friends from church into our home; or visited in the homes of our pastor or church family? 

One of the greatest challenges of being a twenty-first century woman is letting your guard down and being "real" with people. Since we've lost the "connectedness" of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers, we somehow feel we have to live up to an image projected by Hollywood. You know what I'm talking about. The illusion that real womanhood revolves around keeping up on the latest fashions, filling your home with designer furniture, driving expensive vehicles, having picture-perfect kids and a successful, manikin-handsome husband.

If we find our lives falling short of this picture-perfect scenario, we tend to shut others out. We shy away from inviting our friends over because they might see our old, ugly carpet, or how out-dated the couch is. And since our kitchen is definitely not state-of-the-art, and our cooking expertise doesn't match Rachel Ray or Paula Dean, it's too "risky" to ask people over for dinner. They might criticize our imperfections and it's easier just to keep everyone a safe distance away.

The thought that perhaps some of the younger girls in our circle of friendship might like to spend some time in our company probably doesn't even enter our minds. I mean, teenagers don't like the type of things I like- they probably think I'm an old, worn out fogey, any way. Girls these days don't even have an inkling that they should be learning to cook or clean or take care of babies. I don't have any extra time in my day to spend entertaining, anyway.

And so we cut the ties before us and after us. Each generation is self-contained, self-absorbed. And, like a plant with shallow roots, each generation withers on the vine. We live among, go to church with, and are even related to people with whom we share very little of our lives. The results are fragmented families, churches without true unity, and young women who grow up isolated and afraid to reach out.

The Biblical mandate for passing the torch of womanhood from generation to generation is so simple and clear: "The aged women... teach the young women" (Titus 2:2,3)

I would love to see this concept of Biblical mentoring rekindled among the Christian women in our culture. However, I'm not going to sit around "waiting" for it to happen. While I obviously can't change our culture, I can make a difference in the small sphere of influence God has given me. My family, my friends, my church, my community. I can choose to reach out to those God has brought into my life, both older and younger, and offer the gift of friendship.

I love one definition of a mentor: Someone farther down the path then you, who is going where you want to go, and who is willing to give you some light to help you get there.

Accordingly, we can all be a mentor to someone.

Hmmmm... who can I invite for a little front-porch chat this week?"

by Kristy visit Kristy's blog, Homemaker's Cottage

the art of hospitality

“The ultimate act of hospitality was when Jesus Christ died for sinners to make everyone who believes a member of the household of God. We are no longer strangers and sojourners. We have come home to God. Everybody who trusts in Jesus finds a home in God.”

John Piper