Questions to Reveal Idols in Our Hearts

1. What do you most highly value?
2. What do you think about by default?
3. What is your highest goal?
4. To what or whom are you most committed?
5. Who or what do you love the most?
6. Who or what do you trust or depend upon the most?
7. Who or what do you fear the most?
8. Who or what do you hope in and hope for most?
9. Who or what do you desire the most? Or, what desire makes you most angry or makes you despair when it is not satisfied?
10. Who or what do you most delight in or hold as your greatest joy and treasure?
11. Who or what captures your greatest zeal?
12. To whom or for what are you most thankful?
13. For whom or what great purpose do you work?

a complaining mother?

“A woman needs to cultivate the habitual feeling that all the events of her nursery and kitchen are brought about by the permission of our Heavenly Father, and that fretfulness or complaint in regard to these is, in fact, complaining at the appointments of God, and is really as sinful as submissive murmurs amid the sorer chastisements of His hand. And a woman who cultivates this habit of referring all the minor trials of life to the wise and benevolent agency of a heavenly Parent, and daily seeks His sympathy and aid to enable her to meet them with a quiet and cheerful spirit, will soon find it the perennial spring of abiding peace and content.”

The American Woman’s Home by Catherine and Harriet Beecher Stowe 1869

Raising Boys

If you are raising sons, a fun idea is to pick up electronics at garage sales for your boys to take apart. They can explore and learn how things work without ruining any of your gadgets that you'd like to keep using. When you are at garage sales look for items such as:

old phones
radios
type writers
fans
shower heads
remote controls
flashlights
speakers
CD players
video camera/video tapes
cell phones
toasters
and more

and then give him a pair of work goggles and hammer. =0) No really, a set of tools out in the garage or on the back patio with these items could bring hours of fun and education.

Free or Slave?

"[Feminism] is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands." ". --G.K. Chesterton, The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton, vol. 4, p. 440

Balloon Time

When my kids were little and we were couped up in the house from either winter weather or too hot in the summer weather, I would blow up some balloons for them to play with. They loved it and it was great cheap entertainment. It was a nice break from their usual toys and helped kill bordem. It also served as a great way to get them up and active. Playing with balloons is an activity that works for a wide span of ages.

So, keep a package of balloons handy for some cheap fun and exercise. A package of balloons also travels light and easy....bring them on vacation. They are great fun while camping or in a boring hotel room. Make up games like "don't let the balloon touch the floor" and "balloon volley ball" using a string for a net.

Dirty High Chair

Best way to clean a high chair?

In the summer, remove the padding, take the chair outside to the grass and hose it down with the garden hose. Get out a sponge or scrub brush and some dish soap and scrub the chair down. Scrub the padding down too if it's plastic or toss it in the washer machine. Rinse the chair with the hose again and towel dry it and you'll be surprised how clean you can get it!

Opinions That Judge

Dear Daughter,

My heart is often heavy as I hear women take a stand on issues against one another. I've been guilty of it and as a pastor's wife I've heard just about every topic that divides women. It has not only grieved me but perplexed me.

Stay-at-home-mom vs. the working mom.
Epidural vs. natural childbirth.
College vs. no college.
Courtship vs. dating.
Home-birth vs. hospital birth.
Public school vs. private school.
Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding.
Vaccinations vs. homeopathic remedies.
Homeschooling vs. daycare.
Green living vs. processed foods.
Traditional worship vs. Contemporary worship.
Made from scratch vs. eating out.
Cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers.
Demand feeding vs. scheduled feedings.
Strollers vs. baby slings.

Paul encourages us in Philippians chapter 2 verses 1 and 2, to be of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. We judge one another. It's just a human sinful fact and yet it's wrong. We say with our lips that we want "unity" like Paul is talking about but we don't know how to genuinely achieve unity when it comes to our opinions.

Should we not have an opinion? Can we not form our own preferences? Do we suppress our convictions?

Romans 14:5 says "One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind." We of course will have our own convictions and should not flippantly decide what perspectives we will stand behind. Yet, without legalism should we possess these opinions. Is it not worse to judge your sister in Christ than it is to error on (what you perceive to be) the wrong side of these issues.

Not many of us are born with all of our opinions formed nor will we most likely hold all of our opinions without changing our minds on any issue at anytime in our lives. If God was forbearing with our unformed convictions can we not forbear with our sisters in Christ? Sometimes in life we are forced to face circumstances that make us bend on our opinions. For example, I'm passionate about mom's staying home. I can give you Scriptures that I feel support my side of the argument. But ironically I'm working at the moment that I write this. Not because I want to but because I need to and it's the best way I can serve my husband during this season of our lives. God has a way of humbling us at times. It helps us keep from being judgmental.

I also want to encourage you to not always take a side. When presented with an issue women are quick to take up an opinion and march it right up to the front of the battle line. Myself included. Something I'm learning in my life is to not be quick to form an opinion or to not form one at all if it's not an issue that I feel passionate about one way or the other. For example, I love the "idea" of baby-wearing yet I have a bad back. I love the help a stroller offers me because of my back pain. I really don't think that one way is "right" verses the other on this topic. I don't walk around judging women with strollers or women that wear their babies. I know that I'm being judged by some when I'm walking around with a stroller but I frankly don't care. It's silly to me and I refuse to take a position on this topic. I know women who see the good points to both sides of the birth control debate and yet have chosen to not take an opinion. Their opinion only goes so far as believing that children are a blessing. I think that most Christians would agree to that statement yet that doesn't tell you their convictions about birth control. My point is that you don't have to take up camp with one side or the other. I think a less "opinionated" church would be more honoring to God.

I've been judgmental. I've lacked grace for others...the same grace Christ has patiently bestowed on me. I've been guilty of thinking that there is only one way....my way. I've failed to see others as "growing" rather than perfect. I hope that I do not pass this on to you.

May you be convinced in your own mind, yes. I hope that your opinions are thought through and arrived at with much prayer, study, and conviction. But I also pray that your love for others will go before you wherever you tread with your opinions. May God give you the grace to fellowship with other believers that you will one day be in perfect unity with in heaven. You may not be like minded in many things this side of heaven, but surely you can worship together and fellowship together regardless.

May you not make the judgmental mistakes I have made.

Love you just the way you are,
Mom

MiniMe Paper Dolls

Emilee loves paper dolls. We are always keeping our eyes open for paper dolls. I just came across these precious paper dolls that you can order to look like your daughter. They are designed to keep modesty in mind.They remind me of the illustrations in Milly Molly Mandy. So sweet. You can purchase hard copies or downloadable pdf files. If you order the package it comes with a CD of your customized doll so you can print off as many of her and her outfits as you like!Go here for a code to use to get the Summer Line of outfits above for free with your order. Be sure to check out the outfits page. Love the dress up clothes line of costumes. Simply precious.

I think Emilee is getting an Emilee Paper Doll for her birthday next month. Shhhh! Don't tell her.

The Blanket Sleeper

The blanket sleeper is probably one of the most misunderstood articles of clothing. Known to most people as a "sleeper" that you put on a baby for sleeping. Made of fleece type material with plastic soles on the feet and zipper that zips all the way to the collar. I'm not sure what generation started putting blanket sleepers on babies without jammies on underneath but regardless, this has become common.
The blanket sleeper was designed to be a blanket that wouldn't fall off of your baby. It's intended purpose is to be put on over your baby's pajamas (like the thin cotton ones below). Since babies rarely keep their covers on they could end up being very cold in the night without a blanket. The blanket sleeper is a blanket that you put on your baby and zip up so that it won't fall off. It's not intended to replace your baby's pajamas.


Blanket sleepers are not soft on the inside like cotton pajamas are. I always feel bad for babies that I see in just a blanket sleeper with their bare skin. I'm guessing that the misuse of blanket sleepers began in climates that are generally warmer than most. As cold as it is where we live now the blanket sleeper has been awesome in keeping our kids warm when they were babies and toddlers. Blanket sleepers work really well over thin cotton toddler jammies as well, like these below.
If your baby has trouble sleeping at night, kicks his/her covers off, or wakes up with cold hands or feet, you may want to consider using a blanket sleeper over their jammies. But if you live in a warm/hot climate, it's good to avoid blanket sleepers altogether. Blanket sleepers are rarely made with cotton anymore. They are usually made with polyester which is not breathable and can make your baby too warm. It would be healthier in a warm climate (or during summer months) to put your baby in cotton jammies and not use a blanket sleeper at all.
Tips-

-blanket sleepers should not go through the dryer...the dryer sucks out the lint.....they lose all their thickness like socks do. Hang them to dry.

-try to find cotton blend or cotton blanket sleepers if you can...

here are some online cotton blanket sleepers:

ComfyKid.com- blanket sleepers
ComfyKid.com - Halo sleepsack

-consider sewing your own blanket sleepers out of a cotton material.

On being a stay-at-home-daughter

Whenever a conversation about raising homemakers gets started, you can be sure to expect a few standard responses. The one I most enjoy answering is: “Well, that’s all fine and good if a girl gets married at eighteen or twenty, but that’s not really likely in this day and age. What is she supposed to do with her in-between time? And what if she never gets married at all? Wouldn’t those homemaking skills go to waste? And wouldn’t her other gifts go to waste as well?”

Up until my sophomore year in high school, I wasn’t training to be a homemaker. Far from it, I thought that most housewives were housewives because they didn’t have the intellect or ambition to be anything else. I wanted to go to NYU to explore my interest in filmmaking -I wanted to go to Oxford to learn English and history at the school where my dad had done much of his post-graduate work. I wanted everything… except for the little white house with the picket fence -if you had asked me in high school whether or not I ever wanted a family of my own, I’d have answered you that I was pretty sure my spiritual gift was singleness.

Despite being raised by a homemaker (a stellar homeschool mama who graduated cum laude from one of the biggest historically black colleges in America) and loving her dearly, I always remember asking my mom how she “gave everything up” to be at home with us. She would always smile at me patiently, a twinkle in her eye, and say that she didn’t know how she had given up the opportunity to invest in her home for something else in the first place.

Even as my college dreams were gently laid to rest -as the Lord slowly began convicting me of the condescending attitude I had towards “those girls” who wanted nothing more than to be wives and mothers when they grew up -I found opportunities to use and nurture the gifts, passions, and abilities I had in this new context: the home.

Now twenty, I am what some would call a “stay at home” daughter. I have chosen to live at home under the covering of my family until marriage. It’s a complete turnaround from my former ambitions, and the only thing I could tell you about the girl who writes this article vs. her fiercely independent and ambitious high school counterpart is that I have really patient parents, who wanted to support me in whatever post-high school path I chose to take, and who constantly inspired me to stay immersed in God’s Word -I read fantastic resources that highlighted the beauty of a homeward calling -and I serve a mighty God, who changed my heart. I’m still headstrong -and I’m still ambitious -but my focus has changed. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman more than anything else in this world.

But what about these in-between years? Surely, learning to cook and clean should only take so much time. Can’t I go to college and get a career in the meantime, and drop it all when I get married?

I am a junior in an online college program, working towards an English literature degree. I am an aspiring author who just signed her first publishing contract last month. I am currently finished with the first draft of my first book and started on a second. I was the sole employee for my dad’s online store from sixteen to nineteen, and by the time we outsourced, I was filling one hundred orders and taking about twice that many phone calls a week. After I have my B.A., I would love to pursue a nouthetic counseling certification, and am already making plans to start my first home business teaching an literature/history/writing class.

Most importantly, I have a family to serve -five brothers, four of whom are five and under who keep me incredibly busy between wrangling and homeschooling (my mom lets me homeschool my three-year-old brother, which is a rewarding learning experience for both of us) -a dad who needs a research assistant, sometimes one who’s ready to run through three to five books a week to find what he needs -and a mom to whom I am an apprentice, from meal-plans to laundry to errands to anything else that she needs to do on a day-to-day basis.

I don’t assume that I will be married someday -the ratio of women to men in America is roughly 2 to 1, and, as a black woman, I know that there is a 54% chance that I will remain single. Although I do trust that, if it’s the Lord’s will that I marry, it only takes one man -the right man -to walk into my life for that to happen, I have lived a full life -I could ask for nothing more than the opportunities the Lord has given me here, or the room I have to take advantage of them.

If I don’t get married for ten years -if I never get married -I am planning to continue to develop those Proverbs 31 skills to bless my family, church, and community. If I have a homeward focus during singleness and end up remaining single, I have lost nothing -I have gained practical skills that have helped me to have a full life at home doing what I love with the people I love. If I spend my time only investing in those passions of mine that have nothing to do with becoming that Proverbs 31 woman, I have lost a lot of vital time in preparation, and, I would argue, some pivotal years of growth and ministry.

I am an individual -the Lord made me unique -special. The same is true of you -of your daughters -of your mothers. Embracing a homeward calling does not eradicate those unique aspects of my personality. It just focuses them on the most beautiful context I could possibly use them in: my home (Titus 2:3-5) . The more I learn about the exciting sphere of the home, the more I understand the secret behind my mother’s smile: honestly, there is no place I’d rather be.

Jasmine Bauchum

Like you haven't seen her in a long time.....

Today, Emilee and I ran some errands together. At one point while at the check out counter, Emilee and I were discussing our purchase together while the kind woman behind the counter waited for us to make up our minds. The woman interrupted and asked me, "is she your daughter?"

I answered, "Yes, she is. Why? Does she not look like me?"

The woman behind the counter answered, "oh no, it's just that you are talking to her like you haven't seen her in a long time."

I was puzzled. I wasn't sure how to take that. After much pondering I figured I could take it as a compliment.

I hope that I speak with such love and adoration for my daughter that when I speak to her it's as if we've been reunited after being apart. I hope that I respect her feelings and opinions so that our conversation may seem to be extra polite and considerate of each others feelings. May I always respect her input on decision making with every day things as if I'm giving her preference on a special day of being reunited. I hope that I speak to my daughter as if every day with her is like a day reunited after a long parting. May I always treat her as if every day were a celebration to be together again.

Are other mothers and daughters in the store just bearing with one another, not connecting with one another, and distant from one another that Emilee and I seem an odd pair? Do we stand out because our love shines through to the point that one would think we were celebrating a long parting by going out shopping together? If that is the case then Amen! and Amen again!

Advice for Brides

I really appreciated reading this article and look forward to our talks in the future on this topic. I thought about rewriting an article to be like this but realized that I couldn't put it into better words. It feels as if I had written it myself when she talks about the journey. With all the well-meaning books out there that talk to your kids for you about this topic, I plan on not using any of them. I plan on talking to my daughter myself. I'm working on developing that kind of relationship with her now so that later these conversations will flow naturally and joyfully!

the article source can be found here by Nicole Whitacre

Several weeks before each of her daughters got married, Mom took us away for a mother-daughter overnight. She wanted to have one final conversation before giving us away to our husbands.

Her counsel was simple: give yourself freely, passionately, completely to your husband.

The essence of our conversation is included in Mom’s book, Feminine Appeal:

“Marital sex is the pinnacle of human bonding. It is the highest form of the communication of love—a language that expresses love without words. It calls for the deepest, most powerful emotions. It creates intimacy within marriage like nothing else. In fact, as we give and receive the gift of lovemaking, this intimacy will grow stronger and more precious as the years go by. Each encounter will lead us to a deeper ‘knowing’ of the one we love.”

Sex “creates intimacy like nothing else.” All the shared joys and trials, all the deep and meaningful communication, certainly contribute to marital intimacy, but no experience can match the deep, inexplicable closeness that comes from a loving physical union within the confines of marriage.

“It’s a mystery,” I remember Mom saying. And so it is. This intimacy, this "knowing" that results from the physical relationship is beyond my ability to describe in words (although Solomon do so eloquently in his Song).

What I do know is that while I share fellowship and labors, joys and trials with many others, sex is something I share only with my husband. It’s our own little world, closed to all. Not even the dearest friend or family member can enter. We are on a journey, the two of us. An exclusive journey. A journey of love. We are creating memories known only to us. Secrets only we share.

The further we go on this journey, the bond between us grows more powerful and intense. The "knowing" grows deeper. The love grows sweeter.

Ten years after that conversation, I have to say--Mom, you were right.

Great Expectations

Expectations can kill a woman. I'm not talking about the expectations others put on her. Those can kill her too I suppose if she doesn't handle them well. What I AM talking about are the expectations she has herself. Not expectations she has for herself but for others. In life and counseling I've come to find that expectations can leave women devastated and feeling unloved. Whether it's false expectations of a young man whom she is interested in, false expectations of an evening out with her spouse, or false expectations of what she dreams as the perfect family vacation. It's all the same, false!

I've come to think that the most damaging expectations are the ones we put on our spouse. Women tend to romanticize everything. When we start to "expect" that our husband should do such-and-such (because that would be the romantic thing to do of course!) and he fails to do it, we are left feeling that he isn't romantic or worse, that he doesn't love us.

I call them "love test". It can be as simple as putting down the toilet seat. See, the young wife tells herself, "darn it, he left that seat up again! I keep asking him to put it down! He must not care enough about how it effects me! That's it! Today when he comes home I'll see if he leaves it up again. If he does then he must not love me." Said innocent, tired from work (working to provide for said young bride as a way of loving her) unaware of the "love test" that has been set up for him, walks through the door and into the bathroom he goes. He comes out and there stands his wife in tears who seconds ago was smiling and welcoming him home. Baffled, he asks why she is crying. He can't imagine what he has done now to disappoint the bride he loves. She explains that he must not love her anymore because he has left the toilet seat up again.

An expectation was set and not met. It happens on an evening out together. A chance to get away from the kids and enjoy some talking time. Yet all day, in anticipation of the evening alone, a woman will often start day dreaming about the evening and set up expectations in her mind.....like, "well, since we are going out he should get my door for me every time, he should have a romantic restaurant planned out, oh and I'm sure he's thought ahead to reserve our favorite booth in the corner, and I bet he's going to surprise me with a little gift cause it's been awhile since he's done that...oh my, what if it's the diamond earrings that I've been hinting out for a few years....I know that if he loves me he'll think to do these things."

Husband comes in the door beat up from a long day at work, looking forward to his relaxing night out with his wife, only to come out of the bedroom changed into super casual clothes and asks "can we just go through the drive-thru tonight and then hang out at the park to eat it....I'm beat and I really don't feel like sitting around a bunch of people." All dressed up, she starts sobbing and you know the rest....they don't go out but instead spend the next two hours sorting out the motives of each other.

Then there is the family vacation.....she expects that they'll do such-and-such, eat at such-and-such, go to such-and-such, and take perfect pictures of the kids doing such-and-such. She doesn't expect there to be any car sickness, any travel delays, no closed destinations, no bad weather, an always happy and rested husband, no getting lost, no sick kids, and that she'll be putting her feet up most of the trip. HA! Lots of false expectations. It's even worse if they don't take the kids. A vacation alone as a couple is a recipe for false expectations.

Like I said, expectations can kill a woman....bit by bit, expectation by expectation. It's a discipline that we have to challenge ourselves to take on- being realistic and not setting expectations.

Some of the best advice I got a few weeks before my wedding was from a young wife and mother who was mentoring me....she said, "your husband is going to fail you." That's it. She just said it and paused. I looked at her totally confused. "Nooooooo" I thought to myself there is no way this man who loves me so much is going to fail me! I thought she was nuts. I was truly blind to the fact that he would fail. He is human. He has weaknesses (not many that I would acknowledge at the time) and he was going to fail me. In fact, she could have said, "He's going to fail you all the time, time and time again!"

What I didn't realize until many years later was that I could have cut his "failings" in half if I had not been the one setting him up for failure with love tests.

Don't let expectations ruin you. Don't expect others to think and act a certain way. Allow others to be who they are. Give your spouse the gift of letting him be as he needs to be without love tests. Don't expect your girlfriends to do certain things for you, they will fail you too. Don't expect every young man you take interest in to fall in love with you. Dwell on how you can meet your husband's needs at the end of a tiring day, not how he can meet yours. When you both do this, you will minister to each other, your needs will be met, and you can day dream together about an evening out or a vacation....set your secret expectations aside.

Be realistic.

Don't measure love by unmet expectations.

Living Clean

It pays to live clean. I've come to discover that knowing how to clean and living clean are two different things. Most people know how to clean well enough when their house gets dirty and messy but not very many people live clean in-between.

You can touch stuff in your house with sticky hands never washing and never wiping off. You can spill in the kitchen and leave it. You can get toothpaste all over the sink and counter (and sometimes walls as I've discovered in my house cleaning business) and choose not to wipe it up. You can let dirt and crumbs fall on the floor and not think twice about sweeping them up. You can also not put things away.

OR

You can wash your hands so they aren't sticky and wipe up counters and sinks as you go. You can wipe off cabinets and handles, keep the lid on the toothpaste and even wipe off the toothpaste to keep it clean. You can sweep up the floor and wipe up the spills. You can take the few seconds it requires to put something away when you are done with it. Doing this you will find that you save yourself a ton of time on cleaning day and that your home is maintained better in general.

It's worth training your children to live clean by teaching them to clean up after themselves, wipe off, wash off, and sweep up. How early can you start this? As early as they make messes.

Even with potty training you have an opportunity to teach "living clean". Most parents think of potty training as "teaching my kids to go pee and poop in the toilet". Oh, it is SO much more than that! When I was potty training my kids I taught them the entire process.

Shut the door for privacy.
Go potty or poop.
Use toilet paper (3 squares) and properly wipe (there is a "right" way you know).
Close the lid of the seat.
Flush the toilet.
Wash your hands with soap.
Dry off your hands.
Turn off the light.

I feel sorry for the parent that fails to teach all of these steps. Trying to teach them after the fact is difficult. Don't miss the opportunity to teach at the moment a habit is learned. How often I have had children over to my house who don't flush, leave the lid up, and don't wash. How often I have had adults over who do the same! Living clean in this area can keep a much cleaner bathroom and no surprises in the toilet left for later. Not that we have kept living clean as a strict standard but it sure does help to at least have these habits in general.

Living clean means we respect what God has given us. Being a good steward of everything God has given us is honorable. We are not so lazy that we just spill and leave it. Living clean means that we show favor to the ones that have to live with us. It also means that our home is more ready for hospitality. It also ensures that we don't have a huge mountain of work ahead of us when we do decide to finally clean.

Baby advice

When I was just starting college, I met a young new mother on staff at my college who I started babysitting for. She told me the story of going to the pediatrician's office when her baby was just a few months old with her baby-info-book in hand. Through tears she cried to the doctor "the baby isn't doing what the book says the baby is supposed to do!"

The doctor kindly responded "the baby didn't read the book."