Opinions That Judge

Dear Daughter,

My heart is often heavy as I hear women take a stand on issues against one another. I've been guilty of it and as a pastor's wife I've heard just about every topic that divides women. It has not only grieved me but perplexed me.

Stay-at-home-mom vs. the working mom.
Epidural vs. natural childbirth.
College vs. no college.
Courtship vs. dating.
Home-birth vs. hospital birth.
Public school vs. private school.
Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding.
Vaccinations vs. homeopathic remedies.
Homeschooling vs. daycare.
Green living vs. processed foods.
Traditional worship vs. Contemporary worship.
Made from scratch vs. eating out.
Cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers.
Demand feeding vs. scheduled feedings.
Strollers vs. baby slings.

Paul encourages us in Philippians chapter 2 verses 1 and 2, to be of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. We judge one another. It's just a human sinful fact and yet it's wrong. We say with our lips that we want "unity" like Paul is talking about but we don't know how to genuinely achieve unity when it comes to our opinions.

Should we not have an opinion? Can we not form our own preferences? Do we suppress our convictions?

Romans 14:5 says "One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind." We of course will have our own convictions and should not flippantly decide what perspectives we will stand behind. Yet, without legalism should we possess these opinions. Is it not worse to judge your sister in Christ than it is to error on (what you perceive to be) the wrong side of these issues.

Not many of us are born with all of our opinions formed nor will we most likely hold all of our opinions without changing our minds on any issue at anytime in our lives. If God was forbearing with our unformed convictions can we not forbear with our sisters in Christ? Sometimes in life we are forced to face circumstances that make us bend on our opinions. For example, I'm passionate about mom's staying home. I can give you Scriptures that I feel support my side of the argument. But ironically I'm working at the moment that I write this. Not because I want to but because I need to and it's the best way I can serve my husband during this season of our lives. God has a way of humbling us at times. It helps us keep from being judgmental.

I also want to encourage you to not always take a side. When presented with an issue women are quick to take up an opinion and march it right up to the front of the battle line. Myself included. Something I'm learning in my life is to not be quick to form an opinion or to not form one at all if it's not an issue that I feel passionate about one way or the other. For example, I love the "idea" of baby-wearing yet I have a bad back. I love the help a stroller offers me because of my back pain. I really don't think that one way is "right" verses the other on this topic. I don't walk around judging women with strollers or women that wear their babies. I know that I'm being judged by some when I'm walking around with a stroller but I frankly don't care. It's silly to me and I refuse to take a position on this topic. I know women who see the good points to both sides of the birth control debate and yet have chosen to not take an opinion. Their opinion only goes so far as believing that children are a blessing. I think that most Christians would agree to that statement yet that doesn't tell you their convictions about birth control. My point is that you don't have to take up camp with one side or the other. I think a less "opinionated" church would be more honoring to God.

I've been judgmental. I've lacked grace for others...the same grace Christ has patiently bestowed on me. I've been guilty of thinking that there is only one way....my way. I've failed to see others as "growing" rather than perfect. I hope that I do not pass this on to you.

May you be convinced in your own mind, yes. I hope that your opinions are thought through and arrived at with much prayer, study, and conviction. But I also pray that your love for others will go before you wherever you tread with your opinions. May God give you the grace to fellowship with other believers that you will one day be in perfect unity with in heaven. You may not be like minded in many things this side of heaven, but surely you can worship together and fellowship together regardless.

May you not make the judgmental mistakes I have made.

Love you just the way you are,
Mom