Wisdom from a Bridal Shower

• When there’s trouble, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you or with him or something wrong with your family or his–it’s because God made you different than each other.
• Marriage is for sanctification.
• Remember no one will love him like you do.
• Read the Bible together every day.
• Pray together.
• Hold onto Jesus.
• Remember that all marriages are cross-cultural.
• Laugh a whole lot, especially when things are crummy.
• Never criticize him in front of other people.
• Let your behavior be respectful even when you don’t feel like it. Politeness like “please” and “thank you” can help clear the air.
• Be patient.
• Do things together, and time alone is important too.
• Appreciate each day. Don’t let things hang over from the past and don’t worry about the future.
• If you’re not feeling well, let him comfort you, and don’t go hide under the covers.
• Keep pursuing each other and learning each other.
• Make room for silliness.
• Stay friends.
• Learn how to celebrate together. You live close to your families, but make your own celebrations too for Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.
• Be as crazy as you can at home, then when sober times come, you can be sober. I hope you’ll have more than 62 years like we have.
• Let him be head of your house, and Jesus be head over all.
• Know every day about God’s sufficiency–not just in hard times, but all the time. I pray that God will lavish future grace on you.
• Go on the mission field. That will put everything to the test.
• Pray. Hug. Laugh.
• I wasted too much time wanting my husband to be what he wasn’t. Your husband is who you’ll know best from here on out. Enjoy who he is.
• Read out loud together.
• Launch out and be your own family, but remember you can call your mother anytime–and any of these friends too.
• A threefold cord is not easily broken. Please keep Jesus as the third strand in the cord of your life together.

11 rules for marriage that you won't learn in school

Rule 1: Marriage isn't about your happiness. It's not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there's a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It's okay to have one rookie season, but it's not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don't continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn't a feeling. Love is commitment. It's time to replace the "D word"--divorce--with the "C word"--commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can't begin a marriage without commitment. You can't sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong "Romantic Language School," and become fluent in your spouse's language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God's gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn't wrong, it's just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man's drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can't be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

by Dennis Rainey

Praying Together

"Couples who do not pray are as badly off as those who stop sleeping together. Like lovemaking, prayer requires, in a sense, taking off the clothes, removing the shoes to touch holy ground."

Mike Mason

well meaning comments

What is it about women and giving advice? We feel the need to drop our opinion, our suggestions, our two cents whether solicited or not. I'm pointing my finger at myself. Dear daughter, do as I say, not as I do. I'm of the more opinionated out there. I struggle to hold my tongue.

As a young mother I often felt unnecessary pressure by well-meaning advice givers.... just a side comment, a quick under the breath suggestion, or a curious probing question meant to give an opinion not really looking for an answer.

• You haven't started potty training yet??? Oh, okay, well, I guess you must like changing diapers. Giggle giggle.
• You still let him have a pacifier? He's awfully old for that. He'll never learn to talk you know.
• Are you going to let her still drink out of a sippy cup?
• When are you planning on teaching him to tie his own shoes?

These are just a few pressure comments I've had said to me or over heard other mothers say to each other. I'm sure I've said them too without realizing just how much pressure it puts on the mother receiving these comments.

I remember feeling lots of guilt. Instead of feeling supported by other mothers I was made to feel like I was failing. I was failing as a mom and I was failing my children. They were going to grow up dysfunctional in some way. Then, the light bulb went on. Wait a minute! My son isn't going to still be sucking on a pacifier when he's 18 nor is my daughter going to wear diapers to high school! Why is everyone acting like just because my child has something 6 months later than their child did that mine will somehow be forever attached to it.

Looking back I'm proud to say that my son no longer carries his blanky around, my daughter doesn't drink from a sippy cup, there isn't even one pacifier in our house, and diapers are long gone and forgotten.

I had a choice. I could stress about all of these small milestones or I could just enjoy my children. I'm not encouraging waiting till they are 10 to wean them from nursing, to take the binky away, and to finally potty train them. What I am encouraging is that we don't measure our success as a parent by other people's standards and comments. I'm encouraging you to enjoy your children. It's better to create a nurturing and loving, healthy, happy, flourishing home life than it is to be high strung, up tight, stressed and in the process create more problems for your children than necessary. Yes, you may have your 2 year old potty trained but what did you have to do to get there? If it meant a year of causing anxiety and tension between you and your baby, it wasn't worth it friend. The relationship anxiety and the resulting personality issues that may come later are not worth the rigidness in your parenting.

Every child crosses milestones at different times. There is no cut and dry handbook for raising children that's accurate. If someone claims they have the book that solves it all then they are wrong. Allow your children to develop at their own speed. Help them try out new skills of course. Be sensitive to the signals that they are ready to take steps from babyhood to childhood. Be sensitive to how many things you work on at a time. Don't make it a stress issue.

One simple thing I learned to apply to every milestone.... if progress was made in one week's time then we stuck with it. If no progress was made in one week's time, we dropped it and waited a few more months for more maturity and skill to be present. This worked like a charm and helped temper our home resulting in peace.

Single or Married....idols

"There are two opposite errors about marriage into which a Christian single can fall. Idols that serve as functional saviors underlie these errors. The first idol is independence. When the idol of independence is worshiped, committed relationships, in general, and marriage, in particular, are dismissed or even disdained. Underlying this idol can be fear from a past hurt, the unhealed trauma of suffering through a parental divorce, or simply good old-fashioned selfishness, whereby someone does not want to make any life adjustments to accommodate another person. When heaven is conceived of as independence, and hell is conceived of as interdependence, then singleness is worshiped as a functional savior.

The second idol is dependence. When the idol of dependence is worshiped, then having someone to date is essential, being single is a crisis to be averted, and marriage is worshiped as the central guiding principle of life in which the longings for identity, joy, and relationship are to be satisfied. Underlying this idol can be a fear of being alone, a codependence that needs someone to lean on to an unhealthy degree, or a weak relationship with God so that it is not the primary defining and satisfying relationship in one’s life. When heaven is conceived of as a couple, and hell is conceived of as being single, then a dating partner or spouse invariably becomes the functional savior that is worshiped to get us out of our hell and into our heaven."

Religion Saves + Nine Other Misconceptions by Mark Driscoll

The calling of motherhood....

" if we reject God's design from the outset, our children, and their children, and their children will reap the consequences of our unfaithfulness."

"A whole generation of children, as a result, ends up feeling rushed, pushed, with little or no sense of the comfort and stability of a satisfying home."

"the minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of a godly heritage by focusing on their home as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built. The result is that the mothers who do attempt to follow God's design for families may suffer from feelings of isolation, loneliness, and discouragement."

Quotes from The Mission of Motherhood

Housecleaning Tips

1. Start each day with a load of laundry.

2. Use the right tools and products for cleaning.

3. Use both of your hands when you clean.

4. Schedule time to clean!

5. Work in one room till it’s done.

6. Get the kitchen clean before bedtime.

7. Take a small laundry basket around the house to collect misplaced items and then deliver them to their proper place.

8. Spend a few minutes each day tidying up hot spots (places that collect clutter).

9. Learn to throw away junk AND stuff you don’t use.

10. Sort mail over the trash can and throw junk mail directly into the trash.

11. When cleaning/de-cluttering have 3 bags marked Give Away, Throw Away, Put Away.

12. Disinfectant household wipes are great for quick bathroom clean ups.

13. Keep your entry way and front room tidy for unexpected guest.

14. Put little people in your house to work. Kids love cleaning.

15. Make the bed as soon as you get out of it.

16. Spend a few minutes each day de-cluttering one area of your house.

On Being a Good Guest

Luke 14:7-11

⁷When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: ⁸“When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. ⁹If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. ¹⁰But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. ¹¹For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 25:6-7

⁶ Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence, and do not claim a place among great men; ⁷ it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here," than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.

Proverbs 25:17

¹⁷ Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house- too much of you, and he will hate you.

Proverbs 23:1-3

¹ When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, ² and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. ³ Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.

What I Do With The Hard Things In My Life

1. Immerse myself in the Word of God. His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him. (2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” And Psalms119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”)

2. Realize:

a. He is in sovereign control of all that concerns me, His child. Everything is sifted through His fingers first. (Job 2:10 “Shall we except good from God and not trouble?”)

b. God has given each of us our own race to run. We are to keep our eyes fixed on Him and stay in our own lane, not comparing our lives or the life of someone we love to the lives of others. (1 Corinthians 7:17 “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.” And Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”)

c. God does not ask us to understand His ways but He asks us to trust Him implicitly. He sees the whole, eternal picture. (Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”)

d. My lack of faith does not nullify His faithfulness. (Romans 3:4a “What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!”)

e. I am not the point- He is. It’s not all about me, it’s about God. It is not about me getting out of suffocating pain; it is about His Son being revealed in me, about God’s image being released in me. (Matt. 5:16 “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven.”)

3. Yield to the instrument of refinement He has chosen in my life. Instead of kicking and screaming, align yourself with God’s purposes for your life. (Philippians 4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” And James 1:4 “And let endurance have it’s perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”)

4. Confess that I don’t know how to yield, that I am helpless and angry. (Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”)

5. Confirm that I am willing to be taught in the midst of this pain and difficulty. (Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.”)

6. Ask in the disappointment, loss, isolation, and pain that the Holy Spirit will teach me through the Word to trust God and understand who God is in all His mercy and love. (Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”)

7. Seek to walk in obedience through the storm and not waste my energy fretting it. (Psalm 46:1,2 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”)

8. Know that the secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances. (Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”)

9. Remain hopeful that through all of life’s changes, we are secure in the knowledge that we will see His face and be fully satisfied. (Psalm 17:15 “As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.)

10. Press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of

us. (Philippians 3:12 “Not that I have already obtained all this,

or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold

of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” And Acts 20:24

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may

finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given

me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”)

thoughts on suffering/trials/sin

SUFFERING

God uses suffering to:

- reveal our character

- to humble us

- to draw us to Himself

TRIALS

God uses trials to:

- show us the strength of our faith

- humble us

- wean us from earthly things

- call us to a heavenly hope

- reveal what we really love

- teach us to value God and His blessings (grace)

- enable us to help others in trials

- develop greater strength for usefulness

SIN

Dealing with our sin:

- recognize it

- ask God for help daily

- memorize scriptures that address your sin

- avoid flirting with temptation

- have a plan of attack

- find accountability and encouragement from someone

A Resource List

This is a resource list that I typed up for a women's Bible study I was teaching a few years back and while I don't want to take the time to update it or add to it right now, I thought it would still be good to post it here. Categories are in caps and then sub-categories are in bold.

Websites:

www.girltalk.com (for women) Girl Talk -conversations on Biblical womanhood

http://www.covlife.org/familyroom (for husbands) The Family Room –conversations on Biblical manhood

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts (for single women) Solo Femininity

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey Modesty Survey

http://www.seekinghim.com Devotional by Nancy DeMoss (click on Radio and then Today’s Devotional)

www.therebelution.com (for teens) The Rebelution -a teenage rebellion against the low expectations of an ungodly culture)

CDs:

Seeds Family Worship http://www.seedsmusic.com/ - scripture through music

Books:

SUBMISSION/PERSEVERANCE/CONTENTMENT

For Women in General-

Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face by Martha Peace (this book covers these topics- Gossip and Slander, Idolatrous Emotional Attachments, Manipulation, Hurt Feelings, Vanity, PMS, Legalism, The Feminist Influence, The Role of Women in the Church, Trials)

Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish (this book covers Biblical Counseling, Single Teen Mothers, Singleness, Post Abortion, Marriage, Married to Unbelievers, Adoption, Mothers of Children with Learning Disabilities, Mothers of Rebellious Teens, Divorce and Single Moms, Women Abused as Children, Addictions, Overeating and Bulimia, Sexual Sins, Women in the Afternoon of Life, Facing Dying and Death, and Medical Questions).

Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

A Woman’s High Calling by Elizabeth George

Life Management for Busy Women by Elizabeth George- managing your prioritize

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism by John Piper

Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George –anxiety, trials, worry, fear

Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety: Becoming a Woman of Faith and Confidence by Elyse Fitzpatrick

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney

Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss

Biblical Womanhood in the Home edited by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot

God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life by Elizabeth George

Elizabeth Prentiss, More Love to Thee by Sharon James

Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed by Carolyn Mahaney and daughters

For Men-

Disciplines of a Godly Man by Kent Hughes

The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott- marriage

Contentment-

The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs

Found: God’s Will by John MacArthur

Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace

Spiritual Growth/Purpose-

Set Apart: Calling a Wordly Church to a Godly Life by Kent Hughes

Knowing God by J.I. Packer- attributes of God (characteristics of God)

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper

The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

Follow Me: Christ’s Call, Our Response by John MacArthur

Why One Way? Defending an Exclusive Claim in an Inclusive World by John MacArthur

Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper

SINGLENESS

Single-

Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper

Singled Out for Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss – for women

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot

Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris

MARRIAGE

For Married Women-

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

Helper By Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick

A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George –prioritizing your life

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney

When Love Dies by Judy Bodmer

Marriage-

The Fulfilled Family/God’s Design for Your Home by John MacArthur- marriage and parenting

Powerful Promises for Every Couple by Jim and Liz George- marriage study

Walking Together by Jack and Cynthia Heald- marriage study

When Love Dies/How to Save a Hopeless Marriage by Judy Bodmer

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor –dating and marriage

Love Life for Every Married Couple by Dr. Ed Wheat

How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Dr. Ed Wheat

Intended For Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat

Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris

PROPRIETY

Modesty-

Becoming a Woman of Discretion: Cultivating a Pure Heart in a Sensual World by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

And The Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit

NURTURING CHILDREN

For Children-

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name Sally Lloyd-Jones- shows Christ through the whole bible

Leading Little Ones To God by Marion M. Schoolland –great for family devotions

The Millers Family Series by Mildred A. Martin – out of print but you can get them through Rainbowresource.com- great for family devotions for little ones. Wisdom and the Millers, Proverbs and the Millers, Prudence and the Millers, Missionary Stories and the Millers, Storytime with the Millers, School Days with the Millers.

Read Aloud Bible Stories vol. 1-4 by Ella Lindvall

Window On The World put out by Operation World – teaches kids about missions in different countries

Concord Cunningham Series by Mat Halverson (kids use their bibles to help solve mysteries)

Science and the Bible series…by Donald B. Deyoung (science experiments that illustrate scripture truths)

Parenting-

Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp (CD only, soon to be in print)

Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Louis Priolo

Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp

Successful Christian Parenting: Raising Your Child with Care, Compassion, and Common Sense (New title is What the Bible Says About Parenting) by John MacArthur

When Good Kids Make Bad Choices: Help and Hope for Hurting Parents by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser

And The Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

A Year With Your Children In The Bible by Jim Cromarty

Don’t Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman

Home By Choice by Brenda Hunter

PRAYER

Prayer-

The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions by Arthur Bennett

Lord, Teach Me to Pray by John MacArthur

Power of a Praying........ by Stormie Omartian

MIND

Christian Mind-

Developing a Christian Mind by Oliver Barclay

Loving God With All Your Mind: Thinking as a Christian in the Postmodern World by Gene Edward Veith, Jr.

Renewing Your Mind: Basic Christian Beliefs You Need to Know by R. C. Sproul

The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer

The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Your Mind Matters by John Stott

Knowing God by J.I. Packer

Think Biblically by John MacArthur

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman

Let The Nations Be Glad by John Piper

Why Christians Can’t Trust Psychology by Ed Bulkley

Suffering-

When the Healing Doesn’t Come by John MacArthur (pamphlet available thru Grace To You Ministries)

Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges

Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish

Why Christians Can’t Trust Psychology by

Kitchen Table Counseling by

Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George

The Power of Suffering by John MacArthur

CHURCH

Set Apart: Calling a Worldly Church to a Godly Life by Ken Hughes

Worship-

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman

True Worship by Donald P Hustad

Let The Nations Be Glad by John Piper

Series On Hymns: by Joni Eareckson Tada and other authors

O Worship The King

When Morning Gilds the Skies

O Come All Ye Faithful

What Wondrous Love Is This

WITNESSING

Without a Doubt by Kenneth Richards

The God Who is Real by Henry Morris

What Jesus Demands From The World by John Piper

Why One Way by John MacArthur

Caught

Today Emilee caught me writing for this blog. She asked what I was doing and I explained it to her. I scrolled through to show her some of the things that I've been writing to her about. She squealed with delight. She asked if others are following along. She said "what a treasure!" Yes, what a treasure I hope this will be for her. She said that we'll have to keep it and use it for later and pass it down to her daughters. Yes, that is the idea. Then she asked if when she is a mom if she can write on her computer to her kids. I hope she does. =0)

I love you Emilee and I hope that this book in the making is a huge blessing in your life. May God bless you with a loving and godly husband and bless you both with a home filled with little feet.

xo
Mom

Thoughts on Newborn Care

I've had a lot of random baby-care thoughts running through my head lately. It's amazing how much I've already forgotten though. I hope that we will get to do foster care some day and if we do, I know that all the forgotten things will come rushing back to me. I want to jot down a few here now though to get them out of my head. I hope these are helpful to you Emilee.

Keep your baby covered. I often see newborns and young infants out in public with their parents during the winter season without being properly covered. It just pains me when I see this. It's snowing outside and not exactly warm in the grocery store and yet there is this crying infant with bare feet and legs. No blanket to speak of and the careless parent is dressed head to toe in their own warm clothing and they can't figure out why their baby is crying. I feel like saying to them, "why don't you put on some shorts and walk around barefoot today and see how comfortable you are!" What I think is common sense is clearly not common. As a mother you often have to think about your baby's comfort which does take pausing for a moment to think about it. Don't assume that just because you are warm, that your baby is warm. Don't assume that if you feel overheated that your baby feels overheated. If you want a happy, content, and often sleeping baby, you will need to keep socks on your baby, and warm, snugly, and comfortable (preferably cotton) clothing on your baby. Keep your baby wrapped in a blanket and if needed keep a cap covering your baby's head. Even in the summer newborns need to be covered even with lightweight clothing and socks. Feel their feet often to check for coldness. Of course, don't over bundle a baby in the heat of summer. Stay in tune with your baby's body temperature. If your baby is sweating your baby is clearly too warm.

Swaddle your baby. We always called this burrito wrapping because the baby looks like a burrito in the blanket. While it doesn't sound comfortable to us to be wrapped tightly and restrained, it actually is very comforting to an infant. Not long ago, they spent most of their life in a very secure, tight, and warm womb. Flailing around doesn't make an infant feel secure. If your baby is having trouble sleeping or is crying a lot this may be the reason. Have a nurse or other mother show you how to properly wrap your baby. Carrying your baby in a sling or other strapped to your body carrier also brings them comfort.

Don't take your new baby into public. No one can resist a new baby and they will not likely think first of your baby over their own desire to coo over your sweet baby and touch your baby. New babies need to be protected from all the germs out there in their first few months of new life. Church can wait. Outings can be missed. You need to allow yourself to heal and recuperate anyway so stay home with your baby. Don't accept many visitors the first few weeks. Allow your baby to slowly absorb the imperfect world their bodies have been suddenly born into. I've seen women rush to church the first Sunday after giving birth....most likely to show off at their baby's expense. I knew a girl once who in the middle of flu season insisted that she have her baby-shower the week after her baby was born. I was shocked when I arrived at the shower to see that she had brought the newborn baby. He was passed around to every lady there....there were also several small children at the baby shower who were running around playing. Some of them were coughing and had runny noses. When she asked if I wanted to hold her baby I insisted that even though I was perfectly well that I did not feel comfortable holding such a new baby with any germs I might be carrying. She said I was being ridiculous. I cringed inside for this one week old baby that was been cooed over by dirty toddler hands and runny noses and passed around to 30+ women. Not one week later this baby was back into the hospital with a severe case of RSV and fighting for his life. Don't put your own selfish desires above the well-being of your baby. Be wise and be mature for your baby's sake. Take those first few months off to bond with your baby in the warmth and safety of your home. Give your baby the best start on life that you can. There will plenty of time for others to coo over and cuddle your baby. Allow others to run to the store for you and bring you meals.

Nursing Trouble - Clogged ducts and Mastitus

While I never had trouble with clogged milk ducts or mastitis, I thought this would be valuable information to record. Here is info taken from this post about treating the condition naturally.

First... a Few Words on Prevention

One of the best ways to treat mastitis is to not allow it to develop in the first place. Here are some important things to keep in mind for prevention's sake:

Switch sides often and nurse thoroughly.

Try to make a point of switching which breast you start nursing with, and which one you finish with. By alternating sides like this, you ensure that both sides receive as close to equal sucking time as possible, which helps to keep them well drained. Also, allow baby to nurse as long as needed on a breast before switching. Baby will get all of the rich, creamy hindmilk (full of good fats), and you will not be left with excess milk that can cause clogging issues to begin with.

Don't go too long between feeds.

By letting your baby nurse on demand, or on a flexible but fairly routine schedule, your body will adjust to make just the right amount of milk that baby requires. Allowing longer stretches than usual causes your breasts to become more engorged (which certainly isn't comfortable anyways), and can contribute to ducts becoming plugged. If you must be away from your baby, bring a pump or at least take a few moments to hand-express some milk into a sink.

At the First Sign of Trouble

These 3 steps are among the most important things that you do can do, to treat an infection in the very early stages and prevent it from every becoming full blown.

While at a blogging conference this past summer, I could feel that less frequent nursing was causing some milk buildup, and I began to experience that familiar redness/soreness and could feel a lump where a duct was becoming blocked. By treating it with the steps below, within less than 12 hours the lump and soreness were gone and I had managed to sidestep an infection entirely!

1. Nurse, nurse, nurse. Do not shy away from nursing (even if it is somewhat painful). If you begin to feel a lump building up or experience some tenderness, put your baby to the breast as often as you can. The more you can nurse, the faster it will begin to clear up.

2. Massage. I feel as silly doing it as I do talking about it, but it really, truly works. Using two or three fingers, find the spot that feels hard or sore, and gently rub in a circular motion. Switch now and then from clockwise to counter-clockwise, and try moving your fingers slightly to massage from different angles. This helps to release the milk that has built up and is clogging the duct.

Massage should also be used while nursing. Nurse the baby on the side with the plugged duct, and as you do so, use your finger tips to massage in strokes that go down towards the nipple. Change angles often, and continue to do so as long as you can stand it. Do this every single time you nurse on that side.

3. Apply Heat. Applying heat, whether it be by taking a long, hot shower or simply by resting with a hot cloth or compress on your chest will make a huge difference. Combining massage with heat makes a very effective combination.

4. Rest. I'm bad for this myself, as I find it hard to actually lay down and rest or nap when I need to, but a breast infection is often a sign of pushing yourself too hard. Resting each time you nurse your baby, or taking naps as you are able to, will help speed recovery.

When It Is Time for Stronger Measures

Most infections can be avoided by taking the above action steps, but sometimes an infection gains ground quickly and these steps alone are not enough. The presence of a fever and/or achiness that resembles the flu both indicate that the site has become infected.

There are many natural ways to encourage the body to fight off mastitis infections. Here are a few of them:

Things to take orally

Garlic: My top choice for a natural "antibiotic", raw garlic is very effective in stimulating the immune system and having a strong antibacterial effect against infections. It does need to be raw to get the benefit from it. Try eating 2-5 cloves per day, as much as you can handle. Read more on garlic's properties and uses here.

Poke Root: This herb has been long used as a treatment for sickness and pain, including specific use for breast pain by Native American Indians. It has antibiotic properties and stimulates the lymph system, for better drainage and to help clear out an infection. It can be used in a tincture form, but no more than 2 drops per day, as it is quite strong.

Echinacea: Another immune booster, echinacea root tincture is effective in mastitis treatment. In Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Years, Susan Weed recommends a dose of a 1/2 drop for every pound of body weight (so a 130 lb woman would take 65 drops). According to Kellymom.com, this dose can be taken up to 3-5 times per day. Susan Weed says even up to 12 times per day is fine and may be effective.

Things to use externally

Cabbage leaves: You have probably heard of this remedy for engorgement when your milk first comes, but it is also an effective treatment for infection. It is particularly effective when used at the first signs of trouble, but will continue to help once an infection is underway.

Place a cool cabbage leaf inside your bra, directly against your breast. Leave it for an hour or two, then remove. You can do this multiple times throughout the day, but don't leave it on continually as it could eventually affect milk supply (although using it for a couple of days on and off will have no adverse effects).

Poultice/Compress: I mentioned above the use of heat, and any hot compress applied to the breast will be helpful. The addition of a herbal poultice will also help to encourage healing of the infection. A few herbs to consider: Comfrey, Calendula, Rosemary, Dandelion, Marshmallow root. Apply to the skin (with a hot compress or cloth is best) for 5-10 minutes, as many as 3 to 6 times a day. Take the opportunity to do this while you are resting-- see, there's that "R" word again!

Neighborhood Kids

A friend recently asked me what our secret is to getting all the neighborhood kids to play in our front yard.....
here was my response to her and I thought it was worth recording here.

1. we hang out in the front yard as a family….I’m usually on the porch reading in a rocker, or doing yard work, or organizing the garage…..and our kids are just out visually and suddenly neighbor kids just start emerging from the houses. I’ve noticed that usually the other neighbor kids wouldn’t normally come out unless we are out already. We make sure we have a presence in the neighborhood as a family in our front yard. We spend time hanging out in our yard. It makes our yard welcoming I guess. Parents seem more likely to send their kids over if they see me out there and involved with keeping an eye. Also kids without realizing it actually like hanging out where their parents are. If they feel like your yard is where stuff is happening because mom and dad are there too doing stuff then they want to be there. People gravitate towards people. So I would say that having a presence (even the adults) makes a big difference. Now, I’m not out there all the time but to get things started it helps. It also works both ways…I can have one ear open to conversations that are taking place. =0) But once they are all playing I do often end up inside from time to time.

2. We have toys. I know it’s annoying to have a bunch of outdoor toys stored in the garage but honestly I think this is a huge key. Other parents usually don’t keep much for kids to play with in their garage other than bikes…. and they don’t let their kids bring inside toys to the outside. My kids have to get their inside toy approved before taking it outside but for the most part I try to be flexible. We also have lots of stuff in the garage for them to play with. If they want bowls from the kitchen to make mud pie then out go the bowls. I even give them ideas if they are bored! If they need a table to play house or kitchen or restaurant then I go out and put up one of the card tables from the garage for them. We have a tub in the garage with “outside” toys and all the kids just love that. We do have a strict clean up policy…everyone has to help clean up before going home.

Those are the two biggest things that come to mind. I would bet that providing snacks would go a long way too….we’ve often done that but I wouldn’t say that it’s the core thing that works. At times it feels like I’m running a free day care but I’d rather my kids be playing at our house than at someone else’ house/yard. I don’t allow my kids to go in neighbor’s houses (unless we have known them really well) so my kids know that they have to play outside so we make outside fun. I try to be a fun mom!