Love to Cook, Hate to Cook

Women today have decided that if they don't enjoy domestic work, have never learned, or don't know how that they should not be expected to do it. In an age where laziness is rampant, self-focus is encouraged, excuses are accepted, and the idea that I can make the world cater to me instead of me serving the world, believing-women have brought this thinking into their own homes. I know more and more women who "don't cook" and "don't clean" because (and I've heard it all) "I don't know how to cook," "I'm too tired," "I'd rather eat out," "it's too much work," "I can't possibly get it done so I need a maid," "I have better things to spend my time on," "I'm working a full time job," and the worst I've heard, "I don't like to cook."

Our great-grandmothers would be appalled at the excuses given and the attitudes behind them. I truly believe that. I'm sure they would wonder how so much was lost in just two generations. Is it our American wealth, or maybe the American slogan of the day that speaks of self, self, self, or maybe just laziness. The crazy thing is that we have so many more tools, products, resources, cookbooks, internet, appliances, and so forth that our great-grandmothers did NOT have. I'm sure we have never come close to working as hard as they had in one week's time just in caring for their family's basic needs.

My point, dear daughter, and dear grand-daughters of my future, is that there are plenty of days that I don't "like" to cook. I don't only cook because I like to cook. I do love to cook in general but there have been plenty of times that I wasn't in the mood or loving the experience of cooking. I cook because it is the best thing for my family. By cooking I provide my family with healthier foods, I spend my husband's paycheck with frugality, and I facilitate the training, habits, and bonding that are created at the dinner table which will be carried down for generations (the stuff that doesn't happen in a fast food joint). It may come as a shock to some but sometimes we have to do work that we don't like to do because we need to do it.

As a young pastor's wife another young pastor's wife told me that she had heard a man speak at a pastor's conference about how pastor's wives should have (are entitled to) a housekeeper. His reasoning was that the strains of ministry were so much that she would not possibly be able to care for a home and tend to the ministry. The workload would be too much and so she needs a housekeeper to take over the home so that she can be busy with ministry. I was so deeply struck by this comment. My mind wrestled with it for years.

As we began our lives in ministry I did feel overwhelmed. Yet, I took on more and more responsibility with church and my home suffered for it. My flesh kept wanting to cry out "I deserve a housekeeper!" knowing that we could not possibly afford one I began to grow bitter. Bitter at the man who had said I deserved one and bitter that the church wasn't paying my husband enough for us to have one. But there was another side to my thinking that kept nagging me. It was the side that said "no, my family and home comes first. That's my job. It belongs to no one else."

And so I wrestled with it some more...my flesh selfishly tugging me one way and the voice of reason and conviction trying to convince me that it was my job. Then I was super overwhelmed trying to take on both because it was too much. I could not do it all and something had to give. The day finally came when I realized that if I couldn't take care of my home then I had to cut back on ministry. I'm sure that seems pretty obvious but believe me it took years to figure that out. I had to learn that it was okay to not take on every ministry need just because I was the pastor's wife...that's a topic for a whole book....

My home and caring for it should be my joy. I should take pride and refuge in the job God has given me. It's a safe place to be....God's will is always a safe place to be. Cooking meals for my family is hard work and I don't always love it, but I do love being in God's will. I know it's God's will for me to serve my family, to work hard, to be frugal, to consider my family's best health, and to not be lazy. This has to do a lot with work ethic. If you believe that hard work is something to roll up your sleeves and tackle till it's done and you have no fear of hard work, this will come easy for you. If you are lazy and believe that you deserve to lay around, sit on the computer for long hours, neglect your laundry, cleaning, and cooking all the while lying to yourself that you have too much to do, that you are too tired, or that it's acceptable to say "but I don't like to do it"or "I'm no good at it" then this will be difficult for you.

If you are not good at it, then practice and get better. If you don't know how then find someone who does and ask them to teach you. If you don't like to cook then I pity you but you should still do it. I don't like grocery shopping but I do it. Think of the consequences if I just decided one day not to grocery shop any longer. Think of the consequences of a wife and mother that decides she doesn't feel like cooking very much. The majority of today's families in American are living that nightmare right now. They are oblivious to the consequences, the waste, the health crisis, and the attitude that they are passing on to the next generation.

When you are tired, rest, but then roll up your sleeves and press on.