Bible Reading for Children

The Bible is full of sex.

That's kind of a shocking statement but it's actually really true. When my children were little and I wanted them to start reading the Bible I had a difficult time figuring out where it was "safe" for them to read. I carefully chose books and passages after I scanned them to make sure that I wouldn't have them reading stories about sex before they were mature enough. I didn't want Bible reading to bring up the topic earlier than I was prepared to have "the talk" with them.

As I scanned the Bible for books they could read I was actually quite shocked at how much sex is in the Bible. Wow. I hadn't looked at it through those eyes before. Even with carefully chosen passages I had to do some explaining....I came up with some vague explanations so that my kids could still read Scriptures. I gave them definitions that I could later expand upon.

Mom, what's a virgin? "a girl who isn't married yet" (in the Biblical sense this is true)

Mom, what's a prostitute? "a woman who is always chasing after men and isn't faithful to have one husband."

Mom, what's an adulterer? "a person who doesn't stay faithful to their own spouse. They flirt with other men/women and don't love just their own spouse. They usually end up divorced."

There have been many questions like these that I have tried to handle with truth and care. I'm not on the bandwagon of explaining reproduction to young children just because I'm worried that other people will tell my children first. Instead I've tried to protect them from being told too soon. I think that's part of my job as a parent...to protect my children not just physically but with information as well. I don't want them to worry about something or think about something longer than they have to before actually being married. Too much information too early can cause unnecessary worry or curiosity.

Oh be careful little eyes where you go.

Single and frustrated about it.....

Pray for single men and guard against bitterness. Society hardly encourages men to take initiative. Rather, they are told to shirk responsibility. Sitcom dads act like their children, and their wives treat them as such. No man wants that kind of family, so many fail to see the benefit of marriage. Today’s world works against Christian men who want to act biblically.

As their sisters in Christ, guard against resentment and bitterness. Instead, pray for these men. Pray for strong leaders to encourage them toward godliness. They need to be inspired to think outside of themselves and provoked to care for and lead others. They need courage. Pray that the Lord will give you wisdom to show appropriate love for them that will somehow encourage that very leadership they need to exercise. Pray, pray, pray.

Remember God’s providence. It may seem typical for me to tell you to pray and trust the Lord. But there’s no escaping reality: this is where our theology is put to work, when we see if it’s made of the right stuff. Let’s be thankful that the last word on your singleness is not left to guys who have too little courage, but to the God of the universe who has planned out its beginning to its end. Your singleness does not surprise God. It’s not a dilemma he needs to work around. It’s the very means to your holiness.

Whether single, dating, or married, pray that your heart is bent on complementing God’s means for your holiness and not kicking against it. Nothing better prepares you to trust the Lord in submitting to the leadership of your future husband than to trust the Lord when you are single.

Guard what you read and watch. Lots of books and movies marketed towards single women provoke selfishness, self-pity, and emotional indulgence. Guard your heart against being swept away with unbiblical emotions. Read books that promote a big vision of God and the gospel. Read books that prompt you to service. Encourage other single women in this as well.

Above all, pray for thankful hearts, because as far as the East is from the West, so far he has removed your sins. With hearts thankful for the good news of the gospel, you will be slow to think poorly of timid, single men and trust God’s good intentions for your life. As the Lord has been gracious and patient with your sin, be patient and gracious to single men, who are battling against the world’s enticements in order to be godly and courageous.

Taken from this post by John Starke

why a daughter needs a dad

A daughter needs a dad...

1. to show her that true love is unconditional
2. to teach her that her value as a person is more than the way she looks
3. to teach her that family is more important than work
4. to show her that a man can be trustworthy
5. to be the safe spot she can always turn to
6. to teach her that a man’s strength is not the force of his hands or his voice, but the kindness of his heart
7. to be the standard against which she will judge all men
8. to help her take risks that will build her confidence
9. to hold her when she cries
10. to teach her she is important by stopping what he is doing to watch her

Why A Daughter Needs A Dad: 100 Reasons by Gregory E. Lang

your wedding dress

Don't ever get rid of your wedding dress.

What a treasure of memories. Nothing more symbolizes the day of your unity to your daughter than your wedding dress. It represents the new identity you are clothing yourself to be in your husband. Your wedding dress conveys all that is feminine and represents your role as a woman. Your wedding ceremony is a foundation of godly marriage for the generations to come after you. At the alter you repeat the vows that generations of others before you have promised. You stand with others before you who have upheld God's design for marriage. By these vows you are united not only to each other but to the institution of marriage that God designed to represent His relationship with us. Becoming one flesh you set aside your previous identity and become this one man's helpmate. You wear a white dress to present yourself spiritually pure to the new leader of the home you will diligently manage. You wear a white dress adorned with beautiful elements to display your own beauty...the gift that you are to your husband. He will treasure that image of you in your wedding dress for the rest of his life.

Treasure your dress.
Preserve it.
Bring it out from time to time to remind yourself of that momentous day.
Show it to your daughters.
Let your daughters dress up in it and imagine themselves one day taking the vows that generations before them have girded themselves up with.
If you don't have daughters you may not know what it may one day mean to your daughter-in-law...

If you can't afford to have your dress preserved, the best thing you can do is to store it in black trash bags. This way it is protected from the light. This will help it not turn yellow with age. Keep it stored in a dry place where it can not mold. Keep bugs and moths away from it by storing it in a cedar chest or by placing cedar blocks around it. If you can afford to, you should at least have it cleaned after your wedding. Take it to an experienced dry cleaner.

I wish I would have trusted God more....

Carolyn Mahaney on mothering:

“For every fearful peak into the future, I wish I had looked to Christ instead. For each imaginary trouble conjured up, I wish I had recalled the specific, unfailing faithfulness of God. In place of dismay and dread, I wish I had exhibited hope and joy. I wish I had approached mothering like the preacher Charles Spurgeon approached his job: ‘forecasting victory, not foreboding defeat.”

Partings in Marriage

"Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes" (celebrate his comings and make the least of his leavings)

I got this advice a little too late. When I was a young bride of 20 years old, I hated when my husband had to leave the house...even for work. Silly looking back on it. I would pout and make him feel guilty for leaving me. Yet, I have always excelled at making the most of his comings. Even when the children were toddlers I always rallied them into a frenzy when Daddy was returning home. We would jump up and down and shout together "Daddy is home!" and he'd walk in the front door only to get clobbered with hugs and kisses. We've kept this up and he is always greeted with a rush to the door and hugs all around...even knock-you-down-hugs as my kids affectionately call them.

Years into parenting, my husband once told me how much he loved that I made his returning to the family such a moment of celebration. It means a lot to him.

I out grew my pouting when he had to leave. Thankfully! Now I try to see him off with the same smile and kiss that greets him when he returns. Hopefully it shows him that I'm happy to hold down the fort while he is away.

Motherhood with Eternity in View

"To be a good mother, you must have eternity in view... A mother with eternity in view will see the value of relaxing with her children. Housework and schoolwork are so temporal, unless you can do them in a spirit of fellowship with others. Every day deserves a song and a dance... the dance of carefree feet skipping through the blessings and joy of just being. Dirty floors, clothes that didn't get picked up, spilled milk, and schoolwork that didn't get done will be of no consequence 100,000 years from now. Whether poor or rich, highly educated, or common laborer, the heart is cultivated to enjoy God's presence. All else is vanity and vexation of spirit.

"Write down all the things that trouble you during the day... What is the very first irritation of the morning? It may be very subtle. It may not lead to bad words. You may not even be aware that you have yielded to a bad spirit. Write it all down for one day and then review it at night. Was it worth it?

"If you find that your expectations of your spouse or your children are so high that you are angry at them for failing to comply, it is far better to lower your expectations to your smiling threshold than to scowl at them from your high perch."
Michael Pearl

Snow Tips

I typed up this list for a friend who just moved to the snow and wanted some tips....

-always shovel the driveway. If you wait, it will freeze overnight and you won't be able to scrape it up.

-don't drive on the driveway until you've shoveled because the tires will pack it down and even if you shovel you will have two stripes on your drive way of frozen ice (which makes for kids slipping and falling easily.)

-mittens are for keeping warm not for playing in snow. Once they are wet their hands will freeze. My kids came close to actually getting frostbite just while playing in our yard one year.

-water resistant gloves are for playing in snow not mittens.

-snow pants are an essential (walmart and target carry them. Have your kids where thermals underneath and then put the snow pants on.)

-snow boots are essential for playing in the snow as well....payless will carry reasonably priced ones.

-scarfs can double as ear warmers by wrapping it around your head like a headband and then secure by wrapping around your neck.

-keep a sweater hanger (you can see it here) in your entry coat closet. Each kid or person in the family gets their own cubbie for mittens, scarfs, ear muffs, snow gloves. This solves trying to find everyone's "gear" when trying to get out the door on time.

-boots and mittens dry great by the floor heater vents.

-when you go somewhere teach your kids to take off their mittens and put them into their coat pockets. That way they don't get lost.

-hang snow pants over the tub or shower to dry.

-when getting out of a car/truck, test the parking lot ground with your foot before getting out. You can slip very badly on black ice that you can't see. Trust me, I've done it and it wasn't pretty. Teach your children to do the same.

-keep a windshield scraper in your car. Preferably one with a brush and a scraper on it.

-always park in your garage if you can.

-enjoy it, have fun in it, when it snows- put down the school books and go play in it! =0)

One flesh and under his family head....

Why should you say “I do” to changing your name when you get married? I think there are six biblically-based reasons:

1. Unity: Scripture says that when you become married, you become one flesh with your husband. Changing your name to his reflects that fact. (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5)
2. Identification: Scripture teaches that it’s the man who launches out to establish a new family unit. Changing your name to his, and naming your children with the same name, identifies all of you as part of his family unit. (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5)
3. Commitment: Changing your name indicates that you are making a permanent, life-long commitment to your husband, and will henceforth be identified as being inseparably linked to him. (Rom. 7:2; Matt. 19:6)
4. Roles: Changing your name to his indicates that you affirm the biblical pattern of your husband being the head of your marriage and household. (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5)
5. Paradigm: Since the relationship between husband and wife is a paradigm of the relationship between Christ and the church, Christian women who change their name model and bear witness to the reality of Christ changing our names when we enter a relationship with Him. We—the church Bride—identify ourselves with Him and are called by His name when we become one with Him. Christ’s bride is rightly called by her Husband’s name. A woman who changes her name bears witness to this part of the gospel story. (Isa. 43:7, Acts 15:17, 2 Chron. 7:14, Rev. 3:12; 14:1)
6. Precedence: Adam named Eve. Twice. (Gen. 2:23; 3:20)

read the full article here

Sweet Sleep

When I had my first baby I had a romanticized vision of a sweet little cradle in our bedroom, beside my bed, with a precious sleeping baby in it and waking each morning after a restful nights sleep to find my little bundle looking up at me with a smile and wide eyes, well rested as well, and the birds would be chirping a pretty song out my window......

Said baby was born, sweet little cradle was strategically placed in our bedroom, and that's about all that became a reality from my hopes of a sleeping babe. Not only did the baby not sleep soundly (this baby made lots of noises in his sleep), I was not rested when I awoke in the morning (since I had awoken many times in the night to soothe a crying baby), and loud obnoxious crows and a barking dog greeted the morning out my window instead of singing robins like in Mary Poppins. Where did I go wrong? I had it all figured out and then reality sank in. This was going to be harder than I realized.

I solved some of the problems by moving my baby into his own room at only 3 weeks. My friends that were new moms at the time as well thought I was cruel but my husband and I were desperate for some shut eye. I stumbled my way through each day like a drugged zombie longing for some good deep sleep. The baby woke several times a night to be nursed. He was a good baby, always going right back to sleep after nursing but somehow the months rolled by without any improvement in sleep. I rocked him to sleep otherwise he'd cry when I put him down for bed or a nap. I knew something had to change but I didn't know how. I wondered how I would keep this up when we had more children. While I loved rocking my baby to sleep, I knew I had to teach this little one how to sleep on his own otherwise I'd be sorry in a few years...and well, still a zombie.

My friends were recommending books that seemed too cruel to implement...parent directed feedings, no contact bedtimes, no rocking, no snuggling, no soothing a crying a baby, strict and ridged feeding times that left no room for growth spurts, teething, or bonding while nursing. I couldn't embrace those methods and yet I was struggling to find a way to get my baby to sleep.

I found hope and at 9 months old my baby slept through the night for the first time.

I began reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child written by an actual expert (a pediatric sleep doctor from some children's sleep hospital in Boston). It was scientifically based on studies. These studies proved that parent-directed-feedings had no effect on sleep habits (proven by infants studied in the NICU who were fed through IVs continually). I was willing to listen to an expert.

What I learned:

-I could have the best of both worlds....a baby who went to sleep on his own like a pro and get in all my rocking and snuggling! =0)

-Babies have to learn how to sleep. It's a skill just like riding a bike. They learn how to go to sleep but they also have to learn how to soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up in the middle of the night. Like feeding himself, going potty, and riding a bike, I wanted him to be independant. I knew of parents who's 5 year olds were still dependent on them for sleep (ie, sleeping with them, or the parents holding their hand till they fell asleep, etc.)

-Snuggling, rocking, comforting, holding, and the like are NOT taboo. They have their place but they are actually very healthy. More about that in a minute.

-Bedtime routines help babies and children prepare for sleep. Babies and children need to unwind. This is where rocking, snuggling, etc comes in. Having a routine that is the same every evening (or at least similar) signals to your baby that it's time for sleep. Same for children....having a bedtime routine helps prepare them mentally, emotionally, and physically for bed. More on bedtime routines in a minute.

-Babies and children need more sleep than you think. America is a sleep deprived nation.

-ADD and ADHD are often misdiagnosed sleep deprivation.

-Sleep begets sleep. That means that overly tired babies and children have a more difficult time getting REM sleep (deep sleep) for extended hours. The flip side is that well rested babies and children will end up sleeping longer and deeper the more sleep that they get.

-Healthy sleep habits are key to a happy baby and child during awake times.

-Growing children, even elementary and teens, often need naps.

So, the good news is, I finally learned how to train my infant to go to sleep and stay asleep. The book tells you how much each age child needs (how many hours in a 24 hour period). That was really helpful since my first born took really long great naps....it helped me gauge how much sleep he needed in a full 24 hours. The book also takes you through each age group explaining their sleep needs and possible routines (not schedules- there is a difference) that may work well for each age. Routines have flexibility, schedules do not. Routines can be baby dictated, schedules are parent dictated.

The hardest part is undoing bad sleep habits. Had I only started out training my infant from the beginning, the "untraining" of bad habits wouldn't have been so tough to endure. Yes, it requires allowing your baby to cry himself to sleep in order to learn how to sleep. I didn't follow the book perfectly which is why I liked this book. It's not rigid. Any book that says there is only ONE way to do things and one way to raise your children are not realistic. Children are not robots. They are all different and you have to figure out each child and what works with them. I guess that's one of the hard things about being a mom...figuring out each child, their personalities, their make up of who they are....

After I had my first baby, baby number two was born. She was a completely different baby in every way. She took short naps and slept long through the night. I was able to implement what I had learned right from the beginning with her and wow, it paid off. She even went down for bed without crying...she loved sleep and even if she did cry at nap time it was only for about 2 min. I timed it and I'm not kidding.

So, here are the basics of what worked for us:

-breastfeeding on demand

for one baby that was every 4 hours for the other baby it was around every 2 hours. For the first baby it meant waking in the night to nurse until he was 9 months old and for the second baby that meant waking in the night to nurse until she was just under 3 months old but by 8 weeks she often slept through the night without waking to nurse (she slept from 7pm-7am by the time she was 3 months old till she was about 7 years old).

-sleep time routine

this always included rocking with their blanky
(but not rocking to the point that they fell asleep because then they'd always expect to be rocked to sleep. I laid them down in bed just when they were getting relaxed and sleepy.)

this sometimes included reading them a book, singing to them, a warm bath, baby massage, etc.
All of these things signaled to them that it was almost sleep time and it was time to relax. Once they were relaxed from these things I would lay them down in their bed.

-make a comfy place to sleep

a room painted in soft colors decorated with other soft colors

clean sheets and blankets (always provide your infant and children with a clean place to sleep-wash bedding weekly)

soft sheets and blankets (provide the best you can and make it snuggly)

proper cozy jammies (not too cold not too hot)

-sleep blanket, sleep animal, sleep binky

we let our kids have a binky and by the second child I figured out that it was best to make the binky only for sleeping. This prevented binky attachment later.

I always put the same blanket and stuffed animal in their crib so that they got attached to them. That way when I rocked them with those two items they knew it was sleep time. It also was a comfort to them when we were sleeping away from home.

-same sleep place

while training a baby to sleep we found it key to keep the place that they slept always the same. Their own quiet room in their own comfy crib instead of naps in a pack-n-play here or there or sleeping one night in the parent's bed, the next night in a pack-n-play, the next night on mom in the recliner, etc. Create a sleep place so that your baby knows where they sleep and gets comfortable with the familiarity of sleeping there.

-while the book suggest letting your baby cry till they fall asleep, I wasn't comfortable allowing it to go longer than 30 minutes. If we reached 30 minutes of crying when I was re-training our first born to sleep, then I would do as the book suggested... go in and check on him but not say a word. If he was okay, then I'd lay him back down and leave the room. He finally figured out that I wasn't going to get him back up or rock him to sleep. He eventually learned to just go to sleep.

My two babies are 11 and 9 years old now and they are both great sleepers. Our bedtime routine now consist of brushing teeth, saying bedtime prayers together, hugs, kisses, reading books in bed, and then we always say "spit spot" to each other (from Mary Poppins- just a silly tradition we started. I guess for us it kind of means "now get to sleep and I'll see you in the morning")

I've never had trouble with my kids getting out of bed. I've had other people say to me "well, you just got lucky with easy kids." HA, I don't think so! In fact I don't think there is such a thing as "easy kids". People just want to believe that since they haven't taken the pains to train their own children that you must have just gotten lucky with easy kids. I'll tell you the reason I haven't had trouble with the "I need another drink, I need to go potty again, I need to tell you something" routine that most kids pull....it's because I trained my children to sleep from the beginning. It's never crossed their minds to get back out of bed. They love sleep and they know it's good for them. When they moved from a crib to a bed there were no issues with getting out of bed.

The best part is that I have happy, rested children. They have the gift of good sleep, good health, good focus through the day with plenty of energy. They love their snugly beds and truly appreciate their bedtime.... the gift to us as parents is kids who go right to bed with ease so that we have the evening alone to unwind from our day and connect as a couple. It's also a blessing to us when we have company and our kids go down without a peep and we can continue to enjoy our company.

Do your baby a favor and teach them how to sleep. They will benefit from it for the rest of their lives. It will create a healthy and peaceful home to grow up in...where mother is rested, mother has breaks during the day during naps to refresh herself, and the whole family has sweet sleep through the nights. Balance that with lots of snuggle time and rocking when your babies and children are awake.

I know not everyone will embrace the same sleep methods and that's okay. Do what works for your family. We all parent in ways that are important to us. For me, I've wanted to give my kids the gift of good sleep habits. I didn't want them to be dependent on me for sleep. I felt it gave them a healthier lifestyle and gave my husband and I the freedom to have a more balanced marriage and family life which in turn blesses my children back.

Snuggle

Snuggle your kids. Pull them up on your lap. Rock them. Hug them. Kiss them. Massage their feet. Rub their backs. Tickle their necks. Play with their hair. Rub lotion into their legs, arms, and feet after a bath. Wrap them warm in blankets with socks on and snuggle on the couch. Pull out the sleeper sofa or blow up the air mattress and have cuddle time with popcorn and a movie in the living room. Let them climb into your bed in the morning. Climb into their bed in the morning and cuddle. Always hug hello and always hug goodbye. Shaking hands is for strangers. Kiss goodnight. Have them hug each other goodnight and goodbye.

Develop an affectionate family that has a bond strong enough to give comfort through a knowing hug. You won't regret raising an affectionate child. The human touch is a powerful communicator. When the teen years become trying, when they leave home and face their own adult life challenges, coming back "home" into a parent's embrace can give the assurance that words sometimes can't convey. It's the knowing squeeze of a hand, the crying on a shoulder, the embrace of strong loving arms that say "I'll hold you up when you can't stand up." Cultivate an affection that begins with rocking a newborn, snuggling a toddler, cuddles in bed with a child, a reassuring hug with your teen, foot massages with a young adult child.

Be an affectionate mother. Meet your child's emotional needs and fill their "affection bank" every day with the deposits of compassion. Be a compassionate mother when your toddler tumbles, when your newborn cries for comfort in a cradle, when your little one needs some rocking before bed, or your older child needs some hugs or sofa time.

I'm not talking about rocking your child to sleep every night because you've spoiled them and they can't go to sleep any other way. I'm not talking about creating a sleep environment that makes your infant or child completely dependent on you for sleep. There is a difference. We always worked hard to develop good sleep routines and habits for our children but a healthy bedtime routine (wind down) included lots of snuggle and affection. As a mother I did infant massage on my babies and have kept it up all their lives. They love back rubs and they know how to give a good one back. We have some of the best heart to heart talks when we are snuggling, massaging each others feet, talking in bed on an early morning, or cuddling on the sofa. I will always cherish rocking them every evening before bed....priceless.

Give your children the security of affection.

Questions to Reveal Idols in Our Hearts

1. What do you most highly value?
2. What do you think about by default?
3. What is your highest goal?
4. To what or whom are you most committed?
5. Who or what do you love the most?
6. Who or what do you trust or depend upon the most?
7. Who or what do you fear the most?
8. Who or what do you hope in and hope for most?
9. Who or what do you desire the most? Or, what desire makes you most angry or makes you despair when it is not satisfied?
10. Who or what do you most delight in or hold as your greatest joy and treasure?
11. Who or what captures your greatest zeal?
12. To whom or for what are you most thankful?
13. For whom or what great purpose do you work?

a complaining mother?

“A woman needs to cultivate the habitual feeling that all the events of her nursery and kitchen are brought about by the permission of our Heavenly Father, and that fretfulness or complaint in regard to these is, in fact, complaining at the appointments of God, and is really as sinful as submissive murmurs amid the sorer chastisements of His hand. And a woman who cultivates this habit of referring all the minor trials of life to the wise and benevolent agency of a heavenly Parent, and daily seeks His sympathy and aid to enable her to meet them with a quiet and cheerful spirit, will soon find it the perennial spring of abiding peace and content.”

The American Woman’s Home by Catherine and Harriet Beecher Stowe 1869

Raising Boys

If you are raising sons, a fun idea is to pick up electronics at garage sales for your boys to take apart. They can explore and learn how things work without ruining any of your gadgets that you'd like to keep using. When you are at garage sales look for items such as:

old phones
radios
type writers
fans
shower heads
remote controls
flashlights
speakers
CD players
video camera/video tapes
cell phones
toasters
and more

and then give him a pair of work goggles and hammer. =0) No really, a set of tools out in the garage or on the back patio with these items could bring hours of fun and education.

Free or Slave?

"[Feminism] is mixed up with a muddled idea that women are free when they serve their employers but slaves when they help their husbands." ". --G.K. Chesterton, The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton, vol. 4, p. 440