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Proverbs 31:10

Did you know that Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic? Each verse begins with a successive letter of the Hebrew alphabet. How neat is that. Acrostics are usually meant to be memorized. Emilee and I are going to work on memorizing this section of Scripture together.

NIV
¹⁰ A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

NASB
¹⁰An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

NLT
¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.

KJ
¹⁰Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

Thoughts from Emilee and Mama:

We are precious to God. He loves us so much. As His daughters we are worth more than rubies or gold! A man who wants a godly wife may look for one that is pretty (takes care of her appearance), loving, kind, gentle, not lazy, a good housekeeper, loves children, is a good friend, and can cook. We both need to strive to be this woman. No woman is perfect but we can try hard to have these characteristics and skills. When we strive to be an excellent wife our husbands will cherish us in the same way God does; far above jewels.

Proverbs 31

Emilee and I have been reading God's Wisdom for Little Girls together. I've also been reading God's Wisdom for Little Boys with Jon as well. When I told Emilee that there was a whole section of scripture about how to be a Godly woman, her face lit up with joy and excitement. She and I are going to embark on a little Prov. 31 Woman study together to see what we can glean from it and how we can apply those virtues to each of our lives right now. I'll be sharing it here.

in a perfect world.....

I was a new young mom standing in the pediatrician's office concerned that things weren't going the way they were "supposed" to go with my baby to which the doctor replied, "In a perfect world, yes, you are right, but we don't live in a perfect world." There are no "supposed to"s with new babies and new mothers in the sense that they all do and act the same way.

I've had that phrase, "in a perfect world..." echoing in my mind ever since that day. Anytime I had concern about the development of one of my toddlers, illnesses I didn't know were coming my way, or life changes that I was unprepared for, I hear that pediatrician saying "in a perfect world...." No, we don't live in a perfect world.

So, why am I so surprised when life throws me a curve ball? Why, when a trial comes my way and life doesn't go according to MY plan do I act as if something strange is happening to me. It's not a perfect world so I shouldn't expect things to go the way they are "supposed to go"....whatever that is. What's normal anyway?

Realizing that the world is not perfect and that life is incredibly unpredictable, out of MY control, and lacking in "supposed to"s will help me to lower my false expectations. False expectations are something I've come to realize that we women are most susceptible to. False expectations let us down and leave us confused.

The only expectation I should have is that life is going to be hard and yet, if I let Him, God will hold me through it all. It reminds me of that song by Natalie Grant; Held. Whatever your storm is today, whatever was "supposed to" happen, whichever of your expectations are crumbling, whatever has you completely desperate.....remember that in an imperfect world, trials come and it reminds us of what it means to be held by God. This applies to every area of our lives; our marriages, our parenting, our friendships, our churches, etc.

Thanks Dr. Mendelson for opening my eyes to the fact that my expectations for a perfect world are unrealistic. I'm sure he didn't realize what an impact that one phrase made on me that day.

What is realistic? I have hope in a perfect God who holds me through every imperfection life has for me.

(Dr. Mendlelson was not only my firstborn's pediatrician but also mine. My firstborn is now 10 years old. )

Day Trip Bag

I have found through the years that it's handy to have a "day trip bag" always packed and ready to go. That way anytime my husband says "hey, let's (spontaneously) go do this or that right now!" I'm mostly ready to go. It's the common picture of the husband standing by the door, keys in hand while the wife is still "getting ready". Even if it's to throw necessary items into a bag, men hate waiting.....and I hate being under pressure to think of what we might need. A "day trip bag" solves a lot of this.

The bag we use is a hibiscus print tote that was from Hawaii. We naturally call it "the Hawaii bag". Keeping it already packed with items we might need to go out for just the day has saved time and sanity. I didn't start using a "day trip bag" until we were done with diaper bags and I felt like we still needed a diaper bag to hold all of our stuff for outings!

Our "day trip bag" actually goes with us just about everywhere....it's useful for:

• going to someone's house for dinner (I often have a few special toys in it to keep my kids occupied if there are no children there to play with)
• running errands (again, I keep some books in it that my kids are reading and snacks) to help get through shopping
  
• going to Grandma's house for the day (has anything they would need for over there)
• going to the zoo, museum, picnic, beach, lake, site seeing, road trips, short drives, etc.
• vacations
  
• concerts or performances
• on the airplane
  
• even took ours to church on Sundays when the kids were younger
• church picnic, potlucks, Bible study gatherings
• short meetings when my kids needed to be occupied for a few minutes (like signing loan paperwork, buying furniture or a car, etc.)
• doctor office visits
  
• and many more places
  

Some items that have worked well for our day trip bag are:

snacks (probably the most important item! no sooner am I somewhere with my kids and they are asking for a snack, I wish I had a snack to keep them quiet, or they need a snack because it's taken longer than I thought!)
sunblock
handy wipes
lip balm
sunglasses for the kids
hat for the kids
fresh hankies
small first-aid kit
bug spray
bottled water
camera
small toys
books
kid's sleeping blankies (if needed)
mittens
a pen

What is in our bag changes with the seasons and changes with the ages of our kids. I often clean it out and throw stuff back in. The best part is that my kids know the purpose of the Hawaii bag and so when we are getting ready to go somewhere they are old enough to think of something they might want or need and toss it in the bag as well. My husband also will throw his cap in there or his sandals for example.

Make life easier for yourself and put together a "day trip bag" that is ready to go by the door. With or without kids, this concept is a time saver.

Why is etiquette important?

Etiquette is the practice of putting others first before yourself. It's the act of denying self and giving others preference. Etiquette says "I care more about not offending you than I care about going about my own way." Etiquette acted out is manners. Manners are every day ways to act selflessly. Etiquette is the discipline by which we keep selfishness in check. It's a small way to sacrifice for others.

Christ was the best example of etiquette and manners.

updated post

I've updated this post since I have a sick one currently....

go camping

As I'm setting up a make-shift and temporary home for our family this week I was reflecting on all my years of camping. What does camping have to do with a temporary home? Everything. My situation at the moment could be incredibly stressful had I not grown up camping.

When you camp you learn the tricks of setting up a make-shift home. You learn to make do with what you have and not complain about what you don't have. Organizing a temporary kitchen with less than ideal storage is challenging but the creativity and skill that camping has developed in me helped me meet these challenges with ease.

A shoe box suddenly becomes a pantry storage box.

An old bookshelf becomes a make-shift pantry.

A toy rack stores paper goods.

Bedrooms are arranged for practicality instead of aesthetics.

Kitchen tools and gadgets are reduced to a minimum and find themselves being used for multiple purposes.

Camping has many more benefits than just this...like family bonding, team work, exploration, experiencing creation, hard work, living simply, and much more. I never realized till now though, what a practical influence it would have on my life until I was setting up a make-shift home for us this week. I can't think of many more activities that help mold us into well rounded people for life.

Is he the one?

I've been asked by other girls over the years how you know he is Mr. Right before you marry him. I struggled with that question because for myself I just knew deep down inside and I wasn't sure why I knew, I just knew. My dating story includes a time of testing that confirmed in my mind that he was the one because my heart learned during that time that it never wanted to be away from him....I had a hard time imagining what life without him would be like. While I had to answer this question "if I don't get to marry him will God be enough?" I knew in my heart that life without him would be incredibly difficult.

While I think that is key, there is also another factor that I've learned over the years really matters. It's one simple question. Do you know his character? Well, in order to know his character you must invest time in knowing him and you must take the time to meet his family and his friends. It's important to see him interact in the relationships he has around him and see how he acts in every way. Knowing his social circle and the kind of friend he is to others will tell you a lot about the kind of friend he will be to you. When you see him handle stressful situations, when you watch him respond to others who treat him poorly, when you see him honor or dishonor his parents, you will see character or the lack there of. It takes time to watch a man walk with the Lord and time will reveal his godly character.

While many a girl has taken a risk on an internet relationship or a quick marriage after only meeting a few months back, if it has worked, they have simply gotten lucky. You really have a 50% chance in that case of marrying a man of good character. In that case you can only "hope" that his walk with the Lord is sincere and deep. You have to take his word for it. If you have not spent time observing him in his other friendships and/or family relationships you may not know what you are getting. You want to know how he deals with difficult times and how he communicates in relationships. You want to know what type of leader he will be in the home. Will he lead as one responding to God's call or will he lead selfishly?

No he will not be perfect. Perfection is not the measure of a godly man. Only a heart that is teachable, honorable, honest, forgiving, humble, and striving to glorify God. Search out his character. It will take time but it's time well invested. You will either be driven away by his character or you will fall in love with it. You will measure his faults and decide if they are faults you can live with and be a source of encouragement to. If you bring each other down as individuals instead of push each other up to live to your fullest for God's sake, then don't marry. Marry a man who convicts you to be better for God. He will love you enough to tell you the things you don't want to hear but need to hear. Don't marry the man that only tells you the things you want to hear. Only marry if you know that you will be a stronger team for the living of God's will.

And pray. God will give you peace and show you if he is the one. Don't marry until you have that answer.

Love to Cook, Hate to Cook

Women today have decided that if they don't enjoy domestic work, have never learned, or don't know how that they should not be expected to do it. In an age where laziness is rampant, self-focus is encouraged, excuses are accepted, and the idea that I can make the world cater to me instead of me serving the world, believing-women have brought this thinking into their own homes. I know more and more women who "don't cook" and "don't clean" because (and I've heard it all) "I don't know how to cook," "I'm too tired," "I'd rather eat out," "it's too much work," "I can't possibly get it done so I need a maid," "I have better things to spend my time on," "I'm working a full time job," and the worst I've heard, "I don't like to cook."

Our great-grandmothers would be appalled at the excuses given and the attitudes behind them. I truly believe that. I'm sure they would wonder how so much was lost in just two generations. Is it our American wealth, or maybe the American slogan of the day that speaks of self, self, self, or maybe just laziness. The crazy thing is that we have so many more tools, products, resources, cookbooks, internet, appliances, and so forth that our great-grandmothers did NOT have. I'm sure we have never come close to working as hard as they had in one week's time just in caring for their family's basic needs.

My point, dear daughter, and dear grand-daughters of my future, is that there are plenty of days that I don't "like" to cook. I don't only cook because I like to cook. I do love to cook in general but there have been plenty of times that I wasn't in the mood or loving the experience of cooking. I cook because it is the best thing for my family. By cooking I provide my family with healthier foods, I spend my husband's paycheck with frugality, and I facilitate the training, habits, and bonding that are created at the dinner table which will be carried down for generations (the stuff that doesn't happen in a fast food joint). It may come as a shock to some but sometimes we have to do work that we don't like to do because we need to do it.

As a young pastor's wife another young pastor's wife told me that she had heard a man speak at a pastor's conference about how pastor's wives should have (are entitled to) a housekeeper. His reasoning was that the strains of ministry were so much that she would not possibly be able to care for a home and tend to the ministry. The workload would be too much and so she needs a housekeeper to take over the home so that she can be busy with ministry. I was so deeply struck by this comment. My mind wrestled with it for years.

As we began our lives in ministry I did feel overwhelmed. Yet, I took on more and more responsibility with church and my home suffered for it. My flesh kept wanting to cry out "I deserve a housekeeper!" knowing that we could not possibly afford one I began to grow bitter. Bitter at the man who had said I deserved one and bitter that the church wasn't paying my husband enough for us to have one. But there was another side to my thinking that kept nagging me. It was the side that said "no, my family and home comes first. That's my job. It belongs to no one else."

And so I wrestled with it some more...my flesh selfishly tugging me one way and the voice of reason and conviction trying to convince me that it was my job. Then I was super overwhelmed trying to take on both because it was too much. I could not do it all and something had to give. The day finally came when I realized that if I couldn't take care of my home then I had to cut back on ministry. I'm sure that seems pretty obvious but believe me it took years to figure that out. I had to learn that it was okay to not take on every ministry need just because I was the pastor's wife...that's a topic for a whole book....

My home and caring for it should be my joy. I should take pride and refuge in the job God has given me. It's a safe place to be....God's will is always a safe place to be. Cooking meals for my family is hard work and I don't always love it, but I do love being in God's will. I know it's God's will for me to serve my family, to work hard, to be frugal, to consider my family's best health, and to not be lazy. This has to do a lot with work ethic. If you believe that hard work is something to roll up your sleeves and tackle till it's done and you have no fear of hard work, this will come easy for you. If you are lazy and believe that you deserve to lay around, sit on the computer for long hours, neglect your laundry, cleaning, and cooking all the while lying to yourself that you have too much to do, that you are too tired, or that it's acceptable to say "but I don't like to do it"or "I'm no good at it" then this will be difficult for you.

If you are not good at it, then practice and get better. If you don't know how then find someone who does and ask them to teach you. If you don't like to cook then I pity you but you should still do it. I don't like grocery shopping but I do it. Think of the consequences if I just decided one day not to grocery shop any longer. Think of the consequences of a wife and mother that decides she doesn't feel like cooking very much. The majority of today's families in American are living that nightmare right now. They are oblivious to the consequences, the waste, the health crisis, and the attitude that they are passing on to the next generation.

When you are tired, rest, but then roll up your sleeves and press on.

good advice for young hearts

"Don't chase love that isn't there."

There is nothing quite so pathetic than a young girl making a fool of herself as she unashamedly flirts with a young man that shows no interest in her. I wish I had been given this advice at a young age. Do not chase love that isn't there...love that is only dreamed of or imagined. Maturity allows love to come to you. You won't have to chase it. Allow the man to show his fine chivalry by taking a risk on you. It's his manhood that is strong enough to put his heart out there and accept rejection if it is to come....it is not for the lady to expose her intentions first only to be rejected and humiliated. Obnoxious flirting never won anyone's true heart. Don't think that you have to flirt endlessly to get his attentions. Men usually notice all girls and put you into one of three categories. 1. a friend, 2. an attraction, or 3. someone to be avoided. Your excessive flirting will not move you from 1. over to 2. but it may move you from 1. or 2. into 3.

True love will come to you, you won't have to chase it.

"Men of sense, whatever you may say, do not want silly wives." Jane Austen

Super Mom and why I'm not her

I'm learning that who I am as a "mom" TODAY matters and counts. It's easy to think that once life gets less busy or stressful that I can start being the "mom" I want to be. But reality is that my kids see no defining seasons in their childhood when it comes to their impressions of me as a mother. I don't get to edit their memories of me once they are done growing up.

I know women and know of women in history that I think of as "super-moms". They seem to have it all together....and accomplish amazing things. In the most difficult of circumstances they seem to shine their very best character and focus on the most important things. I'll use a fictitious character as an example....Mrs. Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. She was a super-mom. Always having the right words, the perfect words, unmatchable strength and faith. It didn't matter how bad things got, she shined and pressed on...always making the best of bad situations....impossible situations. It's easy to compare or be jealous of these kind of women (even if it's really just our perception of them)....their strength, their calm, or their ability to do 50 things at once.

I want to be super-mom. I really do. But day after day I fail to be her. Reality is that I can not compare myself to super-moms or Mrs. Ingalls for that matter. All I can do is my best. The measure and test isn't who I can "out-do" as a mother or wife. What matters is whether or not I do these three things.

Am I growing?
Am I striving?
Am I changing?

Those are the questions that I have to ask myself. Not "am I super-mom today?"

I often think of the stories I've read about real women in history who created great memories out of bad situations. Moms during the great depression who made a pot of soup out of one pea. Moms who made up a game to help make bad times pass. Moms who made their kids think it was for fun to glean fields for food. My grandmother who had ten children to care for and yet when one of them was sick, she would take the time to cut out a paper doll chain just to make them smile.

It's how I handle the tough times that will reflect the kind of mother I am. It's been a piece of cake in the past to create fun memories with my kids when things were going well and easy. It's in the trying times that I have to work hard at putting on a smile, being an encourager, and a comforter to them.

Children look to their parents during difficult times to know how to react or respond to something. I have a choice to convince them that God is in control or to convince them that we all need to panic. I have a choice to make fun memories in the midst of trials or to wallow in self pity. Whatever I choose, they will choose. They will mimic my reactions to life's trials.

I may not be super-mom, but with God's strength, I hope I can keep a smile on even when I fall short.

Raising Children is No Big Deal

Raising Children is No Big Deal

Raising kids is no big deal
Unless you care, and show great zeal

To raise a child is not some game
To put away, Boy! What a shame

When children reach adulthood burnt
Could there be lessons never learnt?

Those little things you often do
Will have much impact, copy you

Lean to God, while on the road
Cause raising right, takes one big load

Just try your best, no guarantees
And if you slip, jump back on please

Praying for a future spouse

Be committed to praying for your children's future spouse. Praying for your children is the best gift you can give them as a mother but praying for their future spouse is the icing on the cake.

I began praying for my own future spouse when I was in about junior high. I remember specifically praying for him (whomever he was) while I would jog in the afternoons. I kept praying for him all through high school not knowing that I had already met him by the time I was 16. I remember thinking shortly after we were married, "YOU are the one! I've been praying for YOU for years!!!!!!!!!" It was as if a surprise has been revealed to me! My heart had long been endured to this person's well being and spiritual walk...my spouse.

When I pray for my children's spouse I always preface it with God's will. I also pray for my children's singleness...because they will be single at least for a little while even if they marry. Yet if God is going to give them the gift of singleness then I pray for that as well.

Things I pray for my children's possible future spouses:
-their protection
-their childhood
-that they are surrounded by others who will give them the gospel regularly
-that they will know and love God from an early age
-that God will be molding them into the godly individual He desires them to be
-their parents
-the choices they make

What better way to endure your heart as a mother-in-law to the well being and spiritual growth of the person your child will someday marry.

motives of a modest heart

modesty is an issue of the heart....

"....the most important question is not, "What do I wear?" But instead, "What is the state of my heart?" Because the real issue ladies is the heart. How you dress on the outside says a lot about who you are on the inside. Our pastor John [MacArthur] made this great statement one time in a sermon; he said this, "The train of sin runs on tracks that were laid in the heart." So you must be very honest with your self about your motives. Why do you dress like you do? What kind of reactions are you trying to get?

Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive and pleasant to the eyes of other people, but a woman must be very careful that, that does not cross a line and becomes something she craves, because that becomes a pride issue. We should never ever get secret pleasure from thinking that we are attracting attention from men. So we need to examine our motives, and I am dead serious when I say that you have to be brutally honest with yourself here, because our hearts can be deceptive.

Jeremiah 17:9 says, ""The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."

A woman can be trying to get attention from men and all the while pretending to herself that she is doing nothing of the kind. This is an area where we really need to pray the prayer of,

Psalm 139:23-24, where is says, "Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and…see if there is any wicked way in me."

In John MacArthur's commentary on 1 Timothy, he made this statement about the heart, "How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshiping God? Or, is it to call attention to herself and flaunt her beauty, or worse to attempt to lure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshiping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and her appearance."

You know sometimes the problem is not even modesty, but instead it is a pride issue. Sometimes a girl can be relatively modest but she is very focused on buying certain name brands of clothes, or she always buys very expensive clothing, and she wants other people to notice that. That is just as wrong as being immodest, because that is a heart issue. So ladies, I implore you, examine the motives of your heart.

Never forget ladies that your clothing says something about you. A person's first impression, is often, and actually, usually based on outward appearance. When you walk in a room, before you have even said one word your clothes are making a statement, and if a woman's dress is a revelation of what's in her heart; what you are actually telling others is whether you have a modest heart or an immodest heart.

And while we are talking about externals here let me caution you to guard against being legalistic in this area. Legalism is an overemphasis on external things in the belief that, that is what produces spirituality, and unfortunately this mindset often leads to becoming self-righteous and judging other people by those same external standards.

Do you know what? You can be very modestly dressed and still have a wicked heart, or you can be immodestly dressed and just be naïve and need someone to come along side and help you. I cannot stress it enough ladies: it is all about your heart! It's not just about what you wear."

Pam Hardy