How To Help Your Husband When He's Criticized

this is long but really good

In early March, C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney addressed a room full of couples being trained for pastoral ministry at the Pastors College. Soon these couples will return to their home churches to begin (or resume) the public and transparent life of pastoral ministry.

A question asked by one of the wives was simple: How should a wife respond when her pastor-husband is criticized? The question was asked in the context of pastor’s families, but the answer will likely benefit all married couples.

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Question: Carolyn, as a pastor’s wife, how do you handle situations where your husband is criticized or there is grumbling in the church about your husband?

Carolyn: Obviously, it certainly isn’t easy to have your husband criticized. But as wives, we must recognize our role as our husband’s helper and make sure we don’t take up an offense, which would not be helpful to our husbands. And that does not take place without a fight. This is the person you love the most in the whole world, and if someone is criticizing him, you can be easily offended and want to defend him. Yet, I must realize that taking an offense would be a disservice to my husband. So it’s important that we as wives guard our hearts, making sure we don’t take up an offense, seeking to serve our husbands as helpers.

C.J.: Your point is an excellent one. There have been many times that I have desired Carolyn to take up an offense—“Join me in my offense against this individual.” I’m not immediately happy that she hasn’t taken an offense, but I have learned that eventually she has served me invaluably when she does not take up an offense. In no way is she defending or justifying what others have said or done, but helping me monitor my heart, and impressing upon me that a sinful reaction from me would be more serious than whatever they are saying or doing, are the most effective ways she can serve me.

Sadly, over the years we have witnessed couples in ministry where wives have taken up an offense.

And this doesn’t just apply to sinful criticism, but also to when a husband is legitimately corrected by a member of the pastoral team or a member of the church. So you need both those categories. It’s difficult when those serving with your husband correct him in a certain area or bring an unfavorable evaluation. A wife might find herself more vulnerable to taking up an offense when her husband has been corrected. I am grateful for the way Carolyn has served me by not taking up an offense. And numerous times she has agreed with the correction, protecting me from arrogantly dismissing the correction and preventing me from sowing discord among those I serve in ministry.

So, whether it’s sinful criticism or legitimate correction of me, how do you guard your heart, Carolyn?

Carolyn: Wives should carefully listen to what’s being said. If there is something legitimate, bring that lovingly and carefully to your husband. I don’t think it serves a husband for a wife to just take the side of the person bringing criticism. But if there is a degree of truth, bring that in a way that serves him.

And just helping to mirror back to him what you are hearing him say. If he is sinning in response to the criticism, where appropriate, lovingly mirror that back to him: “It seems like this is how you are responding. Is this true? Are you offended at this person? Are you bitter?” Asking skillful questions.

It takes a lot of prayer and soul-searching in our own hearts to keep our hearts free from taking up an offense. But we must have a conviction about our role as our husband’s helper and ask, “What will truly help my husband?” It will not help him if I’m adding to the temptation he’s already experiencing. If he is being corrected or criticized, he’s already got a battle he is fighting. And if I come along and agree and participate in that, it makes his battle more difficult.

My husband has gone through seasons of correction, and it’s a temptation and fight. So I find myself having to pray for those who bring criticism or correction and filling my own heart with appropriate Scriptures so I can be a true helper to him during that time.

C.J.: Yes, but where they have been accurate observations—whether critics analyzing or friends correcting—you have courageously transferred that to me. Too often I have not been grateful in the moment. Eventually, I am grateful.

Would you say that one of the biggest challenges these ladies will confront as pastors wives is will be—when they hear the criticism or correction and they find there are aspects they agree with—how to inform their husbands of that without appearing to support any sinful attitude of others?

Carolyn: Yes. And I have through the years seen wives not do that, I’ve seen the effect and the outcome, and it has put the fear of God in me. At the moment it’s not always easy to take a stand and say, “I don’t think you’re responding humbly to this situation right now.” And it takes courage. Yet we’ve seen, because we’ve been in ministry for as many as we have, some very sad situations where I think wives really could have been the difference-maker if they would have challenged or confronted their husbands.

C.J.: So wouldn’t you say that over the years that some wives misunderstood submission and honor (or so it appears)? I think that has played a role. And for some it could be fear of man—fear of husband.

I can tell you this: For any marriage, correction of the husband by the wife would be one category on my short list of most important. If I observed a wife who was reluctant to correct her husband I would be concerned with that marriage. Obviously, I’m not arguing for a contentious marriage, but correction, humbly communicated, must be part of every marriage.

Part of what Carolyn has modeled personally and taught well is what she taught at the last Leadership Conference—“Watch Your Man”—in broadening an understanding and application of “helper” to include appropriate correction. I would argue that correction is not just part of marriage but an aspect of what it means to be fellow heirs of the grace of life.

Carolyn’s encouragement has been of immeasurable benefit to me, but equally so or more, on balance, has been her correction. She has protected me when sin was deceiving me. What a gift this has been to me!

Idols in the Christian Home

Upon entering the home of an understandably tired young mother, she lamented that her house was not tidy. She also described how she had prayed to Jesus for the kids to be more organized and clean, but Jesus was of no help at all. As I looked around the house, it actually seemed quite clean and tidy for being occupied by young children. There were a few toys out on the floor, but that was about it. Later in our visit, she actually said, “Everything is perfect until the kids wreck it.”

Her home had become her idol. Whenever her children left a toy out or spilled their juice, they were not merely sinning or making a mistake. To her, they were ruining her life and vandalizing her perfect, heavenly home. Or, to say it another way, they were not worshiping her idol. So, she prayed to Jesus, asking him to turn her children into idol worshipers who never left anything out or made a mess. Her frustration with Jesus was that he did not respect her dominion in her home/kingdom and was refusing to submit to her rule and serve her idol.

Furthermore, she was making her own children miserable, with the exception of one daughter who labored to keep the house clean like her mom and berated her siblings; she was turning into a second-generation, self-righteous idol worshiper. Making matters worse, when dad got home from work, he would grab a beer, sit in his chair, watch his television, and tune out his wife and children, ignoring what was going on in the home. His idol was comfort, and his beer, chair, and flat-screen television were his functional saviors. Saviors he preferred worshiping over Jesus, who wanted him to apply the gospel to himself, his wife, and their children so they could each smash their idols and live as worshipers of God alone; waiting for the day when they get to enjoy the perfect home Jesus is preparing for us.

taken from Resurgence

the power of a woman

The Influence of a Woman

Under the influence of a woman, cities have crumbled (Joshua 2-6), and kings have caved (Mark 6). The power that a woman has to influence those around her is one of her strongest resources. And yet, some of us underestimate this influence. Scripture says differently.

The faith of a woman directly affects the atmosphere of her home and shapes the dynamics of her marriage.

We had a saying growing in our house. “If momma ain’t happy, there ain’t nobody happy.” With this one comical phrase we acknowledged the external impact a woman’s attitude had on those living around her. If she was pleasant and contented, the home was calm and happy. But if she was sputtering about something that really made her mad, the house was on edge and chaotic. Proverbs says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.” Why? Because the attitudes women have directly affect the atmosphere of their homes.

What type of environment are we creating in our homes? Our faith is being continuously influential on those around us. We can’t choose who or when our faith impacts them, but we can always choose how. How is your faith impacting your home?

The faith of a woman directly influences the direction of her children and grandchildren.

There’s no denying Rahab was a woman of great influence. Her faith in Israel’s God outshined even some of the Israelites. It was her faith that enabled her to go out on a limb and help the spies escape. It was her faith that threw the scarlet cord out her window in an effort to save her household. I don’t know about you, but I think if I knew the city walls were about to crumble I would suddenly develop an interest in camping…OUTSIDE the city limits! My stuff would be packed and I would be leaving…and I’m not so sure I would see the logic of hanging a scarlet cord outside my window in “hopes” that my house wouldn’t come toppling down with the rest of Jericho. But this is what Rahab does, and her faith is evident to all. It directly affected the nation of Israel. It eventually affected her descendent, Boaz, who is a man known for his righteousness. And ultimately, it brought a legacy of faith for the generations that came behind her to follow after (Matthew 1:5; Hebrews 11:31; James 2:25). Rahab’s faith directly influenced the direction of her children and the generations of children that followed.

The faith of a woman potentially moves a nation.

In the grand scheme of things, it is unlikely that Esther ever thought that her life would amount to much. She was an orphan. She was Jew. She was a woman. Three strikes…you know the saying. Even though she was an unlikely candidate for national fame, she did have three things going for her. She was an orphan…with a wise uncle. She was a Jew…meaning that she was part of God’s chosen people. She was a woman…and a beautiful one, to boot. And what seemed to be her pitfalls in life, turned out to be the very catalysts that propelled her to stardom: Queen of Persia.

It is evident that she had faith. She listened and obeyed the authority God had put in her life (Esther 2:20). She fasted and prayed, and called on the nation to fast and pray as well (Esther 4:16). She stepped out in faith believing in God to take an impossible situation and turn it for His people’s good (Esther 5). Her faith moved the heart of a godless king to have faith in her as well (Esther 8:8).

While it’s unlikely you or I will ever have the chance to be the Queen of Persia, we must not limit the potential our faith can have on changing a nation for Christ. The question isn’t who are you influencing. The question we must ask ourselves is HOW? How is my faith affecting those I come into contact with? In an effort to be positive influencers to the world around us, Mary Kassian offers four key ingredients that every wise woman takes to heart:

1. Choose positive and not negative influence. In other words, in order to choose what type of influence you are becoming, discern what types of influences you are letting in to your life.
2. Affecting Others through Strength of Character. Peter speaks about women using their conduct as a source of impact on an unbelieving husband, “that they may be won by the conduct of their wives.” (I Peter3:1-2)
3. Judicious with Words. Proverbs 16:23 says, “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips.” A woman’s speech holds great power to influence those around her. Be wise with your words.
4. Rely on God to Effect Change. As Mary Kassian says, “A positive influencer kn ows that ultimately it is God, and not she, who effects positive change in a person’s life. So she relies on Him and on her most potent, influential tool – prayer.”

It is true: we are all influencers. We can’t choose who we are going to influence, or when we are going to influence them. But we can always…always…choose how.

(Sarah Bubar is a frequent contributor to the Girls Gone Wise blog. This post originally appeared on that site. For more excellent articles on biblical womanhood, please see www.girlsgonewise.com)

on being a mom

“I don’t just want my kids to be moral. I don’t just want them to know all of the Biblical rules for behavior. I don’t just want them to make it through my home with good grades, no drug addiction, and no premarital sex. I want them to leave my home with a hunger and passion to know God personally and to be used by Him to accomplish great things for His kingdom.”

“As I walk honestly before God, with my children watching, they will learn how to have a real relationship with Him as well. As they see me apologize to them and pray in front of them to ask for God’s forgiveness in my own life, my children will learn that God is a God of grace who forgives me and guides me. My worshiping Him in gratitude for a beautiful sunset or a rainbow gives them a pattern for their own spontaneous worship. As my children see me in the deep waters of life, being tested to my core and still holding on to my Lord and choosing to believe the best, this observation will prepare them for their own trials which will surely come. They will know that He will guide and forgive them as they lead an imperfect but devoted life before a loving Father who has always met their mother’s needs!”

“I don’t have to be a perfect mother – just an authentic believer.”

Sally Clarkson The Mission of Motherhood

Wisdom from a Bridal Shower

• When there’s trouble, it’s not because there’s something wrong with you or with him or something wrong with your family or his–it’s because God made you different than each other.
• Marriage is for sanctification.
• Remember no one will love him like you do.
• Read the Bible together every day.
• Pray together.
• Hold onto Jesus.
• Remember that all marriages are cross-cultural.
• Laugh a whole lot, especially when things are crummy.
• Never criticize him in front of other people.
• Let your behavior be respectful even when you don’t feel like it. Politeness like “please” and “thank you” can help clear the air.
• Be patient.
• Do things together, and time alone is important too.
• Appreciate each day. Don’t let things hang over from the past and don’t worry about the future.
• If you’re not feeling well, let him comfort you, and don’t go hide under the covers.
• Keep pursuing each other and learning each other.
• Make room for silliness.
• Stay friends.
• Learn how to celebrate together. You live close to your families, but make your own celebrations too for Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.
• Be as crazy as you can at home, then when sober times come, you can be sober. I hope you’ll have more than 62 years like we have.
• Let him be head of your house, and Jesus be head over all.
• Know every day about God’s sufficiency–not just in hard times, but all the time. I pray that God will lavish future grace on you.
• Go on the mission field. That will put everything to the test.
• Pray. Hug. Laugh.
• I wasted too much time wanting my husband to be what he wasn’t. Your husband is who you’ll know best from here on out. Enjoy who he is.
• Read out loud together.
• Launch out and be your own family, but remember you can call your mother anytime–and any of these friends too.
• A threefold cord is not easily broken. Please keep Jesus as the third strand in the cord of your life together.

11 rules for marriage that you won't learn in school

Rule 1: Marriage isn't about your happiness. It's not about you getting all your needs met through another person. Practicing self-denial and self-sacrifice, patience, understanding, and forgiveness are the fundamentals of a great marriage. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there's a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Rule 2: Getting married gives a man a chance to step up and finish growing up. The best preparation for marriage for a single man is to man up now and keep on becoming the man God created him to be.

Rule 3: It's okay to have one rookie season, but it's not okay to repeat your rookie season. You will make rookie mistakes in your first year of marriage; the key is that you don't continue making those same mistakes in year five, year 10, or year 20 of your marriage.

Rule 4: It takes a real man to be satisfied with and love one woman for a lifetime. And it takes a real woman to be content with and respect one man for a lifetime.

Rule 5: Love isn't a feeling. Love is commitment. It's time to replace the "D word"--divorce--with the "C word"--commitment. Divorce may feel like a happy solution, but it results in long-term toxic baggage. You can't begin a marriage without commitment. You can't sustain one without it either. A marriage that goes the distance is really hard work. If you want something that is easy and has immediate gratification, then go shopping or play a video game.

Rule 6: Online relationships with old high school or college flames, emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and cohabiting are shallow and illegitimate substitutes for the real thing. Emotional and sexual fidelity in marriage is the real thing.

Rule 7: Women spell romance R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P. Men spell romance S-E-X. If you want to speak romance to your spouse, become a student of your spouse, enroll in a lifelong "Romantic Language School," and become fluent in your spouse's language.

Rule 8: During courtship, opposites attract. After marriage, opposites can repel each another. You married your spouse because he/she is different. Differences are God's gift to you to create new capacities in your life. Different isn't wrong, it's just different.

Rule 9: Pornography robs men of a real relationship with a real person and poisons real masculinity, replacing it with the toxic killers of shame, deceit, and isolation. Pornography siphons off a man's drive for intimacy with his wife. Marriage is not for wimps. Accept no substitutes.

Rule 10: As a home is built, it will reflect the builder. Most couples fail to consult the Master Architect and His blueprints for building a home. Instead a man and woman marry with two sets of blueprints (his and hers). As they begin building, they discover that a home can't be built from two very different sets of blueprints.

Rule 11: How you will be remembered has less to do with how much money you make or how much you accomplish and more with how you have loved and lived.

by Dennis Rainey

Praying Together

"Couples who do not pray are as badly off as those who stop sleeping together. Like lovemaking, prayer requires, in a sense, taking off the clothes, removing the shoes to touch holy ground."

Mike Mason

well meaning comments

What is it about women and giving advice? We feel the need to drop our opinion, our suggestions, our two cents whether solicited or not. I'm pointing my finger at myself. Dear daughter, do as I say, not as I do. I'm of the more opinionated out there. I struggle to hold my tongue.

As a young mother I often felt unnecessary pressure by well-meaning advice givers.... just a side comment, a quick under the breath suggestion, or a curious probing question meant to give an opinion not really looking for an answer.

• You haven't started potty training yet??? Oh, okay, well, I guess you must like changing diapers. Giggle giggle.
• You still let him have a pacifier? He's awfully old for that. He'll never learn to talk you know.
• Are you going to let her still drink out of a sippy cup?
• When are you planning on teaching him to tie his own shoes?

These are just a few pressure comments I've had said to me or over heard other mothers say to each other. I'm sure I've said them too without realizing just how much pressure it puts on the mother receiving these comments.

I remember feeling lots of guilt. Instead of feeling supported by other mothers I was made to feel like I was failing. I was failing as a mom and I was failing my children. They were going to grow up dysfunctional in some way. Then, the light bulb went on. Wait a minute! My son isn't going to still be sucking on a pacifier when he's 18 nor is my daughter going to wear diapers to high school! Why is everyone acting like just because my child has something 6 months later than their child did that mine will somehow be forever attached to it.

Looking back I'm proud to say that my son no longer carries his blanky around, my daughter doesn't drink from a sippy cup, there isn't even one pacifier in our house, and diapers are long gone and forgotten.

I had a choice. I could stress about all of these small milestones or I could just enjoy my children. I'm not encouraging waiting till they are 10 to wean them from nursing, to take the binky away, and to finally potty train them. What I am encouraging is that we don't measure our success as a parent by other people's standards and comments. I'm encouraging you to enjoy your children. It's better to create a nurturing and loving, healthy, happy, flourishing home life than it is to be high strung, up tight, stressed and in the process create more problems for your children than necessary. Yes, you may have your 2 year old potty trained but what did you have to do to get there? If it meant a year of causing anxiety and tension between you and your baby, it wasn't worth it friend. The relationship anxiety and the resulting personality issues that may come later are not worth the rigidness in your parenting.

Every child crosses milestones at different times. There is no cut and dry handbook for raising children that's accurate. If someone claims they have the book that solves it all then they are wrong. Allow your children to develop at their own speed. Help them try out new skills of course. Be sensitive to the signals that they are ready to take steps from babyhood to childhood. Be sensitive to how many things you work on at a time. Don't make it a stress issue.

One simple thing I learned to apply to every milestone.... if progress was made in one week's time then we stuck with it. If no progress was made in one week's time, we dropped it and waited a few more months for more maturity and skill to be present. This worked like a charm and helped temper our home resulting in peace.

Single or Married....idols

"There are two opposite errors about marriage into which a Christian single can fall. Idols that serve as functional saviors underlie these errors. The first idol is independence. When the idol of independence is worshiped, committed relationships, in general, and marriage, in particular, are dismissed or even disdained. Underlying this idol can be fear from a past hurt, the unhealed trauma of suffering through a parental divorce, or simply good old-fashioned selfishness, whereby someone does not want to make any life adjustments to accommodate another person. When heaven is conceived of as independence, and hell is conceived of as interdependence, then singleness is worshiped as a functional savior.

The second idol is dependence. When the idol of dependence is worshiped, then having someone to date is essential, being single is a crisis to be averted, and marriage is worshiped as the central guiding principle of life in which the longings for identity, joy, and relationship are to be satisfied. Underlying this idol can be a fear of being alone, a codependence that needs someone to lean on to an unhealthy degree, or a weak relationship with God so that it is not the primary defining and satisfying relationship in one’s life. When heaven is conceived of as a couple, and hell is conceived of as being single, then a dating partner or spouse invariably becomes the functional savior that is worshiped to get us out of our hell and into our heaven."

Religion Saves + Nine Other Misconceptions by Mark Driscoll

The calling of motherhood....

" if we reject God's design from the outset, our children, and their children, and their children will reap the consequences of our unfaithfulness."

"A whole generation of children, as a result, ends up feeling rushed, pushed, with little or no sense of the comfort and stability of a satisfying home."

"the minority of mothers who choose to devote their lives to the nurturing of a godly heritage by focusing on their home as the center of life find themselves unsupported and unaffirmed by a culture that does not value their contribution. The hard, daily repetitive work of making a home a haven, providing healthy meals, correcting and training little ones, and constantly cleaning up messes is perceived as menial labor instead of the stuff from which godliness is built. The result is that the mothers who do attempt to follow God's design for families may suffer from feelings of isolation, loneliness, and discouragement."

Quotes from The Mission of Motherhood

Housecleaning Tips

1. Start each day with a load of laundry.

2. Use the right tools and products for cleaning.

3. Use both of your hands when you clean.

4. Schedule time to clean!

5. Work in one room till it’s done.

6. Get the kitchen clean before bedtime.

7. Take a small laundry basket around the house to collect misplaced items and then deliver them to their proper place.

8. Spend a few minutes each day tidying up hot spots (places that collect clutter).

9. Learn to throw away junk AND stuff you don’t use.

10. Sort mail over the trash can and throw junk mail directly into the trash.

11. When cleaning/de-cluttering have 3 bags marked Give Away, Throw Away, Put Away.

12. Disinfectant household wipes are great for quick bathroom clean ups.

13. Keep your entry way and front room tidy for unexpected guest.

14. Put little people in your house to work. Kids love cleaning.

15. Make the bed as soon as you get out of it.

16. Spend a few minutes each day de-cluttering one area of your house.

On Being a Good Guest

Luke 14:7-11

⁷When he noticed how the guests picked the places of honor at the table, he told them this parable: ⁸“When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. ⁹If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, ‘Give this man your seat.’ Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. ¹⁰But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, ‘Friend, move up to a better place.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. ¹¹For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

Proverbs 25:6-7

⁶ Do not exalt yourself in the king's presence, and do not claim a place among great men; ⁷ it is better for him to say to you, "Come up here," than for him to humiliate you before a nobleman.

Proverbs 25:17

¹⁷ Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house- too much of you, and he will hate you.

Proverbs 23:1-3

¹ When you sit to dine with a ruler, note well what is before you, ² and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony. ³ Do not crave his delicacies, for that food is deceptive.

What I Do With The Hard Things In My Life

1. Immerse myself in the Word of God. His divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him. (2 Peter 1:3 “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” And Psalms119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”)

2. Realize:

a. He is in sovereign control of all that concerns me, His child. Everything is sifted through His fingers first. (Job 2:10 “Shall we except good from God and not trouble?”)

b. God has given each of us our own race to run. We are to keep our eyes fixed on Him and stay in our own lane, not comparing our lives or the life of someone we love to the lives of others. (1 Corinthians 7:17 “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.” And Hebrews 12:1-2 “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”)

c. God does not ask us to understand His ways but He asks us to trust Him implicitly. He sees the whole, eternal picture. (Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”)

d. My lack of faith does not nullify His faithfulness. (Romans 3:4a “What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all!”)

e. I am not the point- He is. It’s not all about me, it’s about God. It is not about me getting out of suffocating pain; it is about His Son being revealed in me, about God’s image being released in me. (Matt. 5:16 “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven.”)

3. Yield to the instrument of refinement He has chosen in my life. Instead of kicking and screaming, align yourself with God’s purposes for your life. (Philippians 4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” And James 1:4 “And let endurance have it’s perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”)

4. Confess that I don’t know how to yield, that I am helpless and angry. (Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”)

5. Confirm that I am willing to be taught in the midst of this pain and difficulty. (Romans 12:1 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.”)

6. Ask in the disappointment, loss, isolation, and pain that the Holy Spirit will teach me through the Word to trust God and understand who God is in all His mercy and love. (Zephaniah 3:17 “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”)

7. Seek to walk in obedience through the storm and not waste my energy fretting it. (Psalm 46:1,2 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.”)

8. Know that the secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances. (Galatians 2:20 “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”)

9. Remain hopeful that through all of life’s changes, we are secure in the knowledge that we will see His face and be fully satisfied. (Psalm 17:15 “As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.)

10. Press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of

us. (Philippians 3:12 “Not that I have already obtained all this,

or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold

of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” And Acts 20:24

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may

finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given

me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.”)

thoughts on suffering/trials/sin

SUFFERING

God uses suffering to:

- reveal our character

- to humble us

- to draw us to Himself

TRIALS

God uses trials to:

- show us the strength of our faith

- humble us

- wean us from earthly things

- call us to a heavenly hope

- reveal what we really love

- teach us to value God and His blessings (grace)

- enable us to help others in trials

- develop greater strength for usefulness

SIN

Dealing with our sin:

- recognize it

- ask God for help daily

- memorize scriptures that address your sin

- avoid flirting with temptation

- have a plan of attack

- find accountability and encouragement from someone

A Resource List

This is a resource list that I typed up for a women's Bible study I was teaching a few years back and while I don't want to take the time to update it or add to it right now, I thought it would still be good to post it here. Categories are in caps and then sub-categories are in bold.

Websites:

www.girltalk.com (for women) Girl Talk -conversations on Biblical womanhood

http://www.covlife.org/familyroom (for husbands) The Family Room –conversations on Biblical manhood

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts (for single women) Solo Femininity

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey Modesty Survey

http://www.seekinghim.com Devotional by Nancy DeMoss (click on Radio and then Today’s Devotional)

www.therebelution.com (for teens) The Rebelution -a teenage rebellion against the low expectations of an ungodly culture)

CDs:

Seeds Family Worship http://www.seedsmusic.com/ - scripture through music

Books:

SUBMISSION/PERSEVERANCE/CONTENTMENT

For Women in General-

Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face by Martha Peace (this book covers these topics- Gossip and Slander, Idolatrous Emotional Attachments, Manipulation, Hurt Feelings, Vanity, PMS, Legalism, The Feminist Influence, The Role of Women in the Church, Trials)

Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish (this book covers Biblical Counseling, Single Teen Mothers, Singleness, Post Abortion, Marriage, Married to Unbelievers, Adoption, Mothers of Children with Learning Disabilities, Mothers of Rebellious Teens, Divorce and Single Moms, Women Abused as Children, Addictions, Overeating and Bulimia, Sexual Sins, Women in the Afternoon of Life, Facing Dying and Death, and Medical Questions).

Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

A Woman’s High Calling by Elizabeth George

Life Management for Busy Women by Elizabeth George- managing your prioritize

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A Response to Evangelical Feminism by John Piper

Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George –anxiety, trials, worry, fear

Overcoming Fear, Worry, and Anxiety: Becoming a Woman of Faith and Confidence by Elyse Fitzpatrick

Girl Talk: Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood by Carolyn Mahaney

Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss

Biblical Womanhood in the Home edited by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot

God’s Wisdom for a Woman’s Life by Elizabeth George

Elizabeth Prentiss, More Love to Thee by Sharon James

Shopping for Time: How to Do It All and NOT Be Overwhelmed by Carolyn Mahaney and daughters

For Men-

Disciplines of a Godly Man by Kent Hughes

The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott- marriage

Contentment-

The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment by Jeremiah Burroughs

Found: God’s Will by John MacArthur

Attitudes of a Transformed Heart by Martha Peace

Spiritual Growth/Purpose-

Set Apart: Calling a Wordly Church to a Godly Life by Kent Hughes

Knowing God by J.I. Packer- attributes of God (characteristics of God)

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper

The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

Follow Me: Christ’s Call, Our Response by John MacArthur

Why One Way? Defending an Exclusive Claim in an Inclusive World by John MacArthur

Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper

SINGLENESS

Single-

Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper

Singled Out for Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss – for women

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot

Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris

MARRIAGE

For Married Women-

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

Helper By Design by Elyse Fitzpatrick

A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George –prioritizing your life

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carolyn Mahaney

When Love Dies by Judy Bodmer

Marriage-

The Fulfilled Family/God’s Design for Your Home by John MacArthur- marriage and parenting

Powerful Promises for Every Couple by Jim and Liz George- marriage study

Walking Together by Jack and Cynthia Heald- marriage study

When Love Dies/How to Save a Hopeless Marriage by Judy Bodmer

Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart by John Ensor –dating and marriage

Love Life for Every Married Couple by Dr. Ed Wheat

How to Save Your Marriage Alone by Dr. Ed Wheat

Intended For Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat

Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is) by Joshua Harris

PROPRIETY

Modesty-

Becoming a Woman of Discretion: Cultivating a Pure Heart in a Sensual World by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

And The Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit

NURTURING CHILDREN

For Children-

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name Sally Lloyd-Jones- shows Christ through the whole bible

Leading Little Ones To God by Marion M. Schoolland –great for family devotions

The Millers Family Series by Mildred A. Martin – out of print but you can get them through Rainbowresource.com- great for family devotions for little ones. Wisdom and the Millers, Proverbs and the Millers, Prudence and the Millers, Missionary Stories and the Millers, Storytime with the Millers, School Days with the Millers.

Read Aloud Bible Stories vol. 1-4 by Ella Lindvall

Window On The World put out by Operation World – teaches kids about missions in different countries

Concord Cunningham Series by Mat Halverson (kids use their bibles to help solve mysteries)

Science and the Bible series…by Donald B. Deyoung (science experiments that illustrate scripture truths)

Parenting-

Disciplines of a Godly Family by Kent and Barbara Hughes

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

Instructing a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp (CD only, soon to be in print)

Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training by Louis Priolo

Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens by Paul David Tripp

Successful Christian Parenting: Raising Your Child with Care, Compassion, and Common Sense (New title is What the Bible Says About Parenting) by John MacArthur

When Good Kids Make Bad Choices: Help and Hope for Hurting Parents by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jim Newheiser

And The Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

A Year With Your Children In The Bible by Jim Cromarty

Don’t Make Me Count To Three by Ginger Plowman

Home By Choice by Brenda Hunter

PRAYER

Prayer-

The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions by Arthur Bennett

Lord, Teach Me to Pray by John MacArthur

Power of a Praying........ by Stormie Omartian

MIND

Christian Mind-

Developing a Christian Mind by Oliver Barclay

Loving God With All Your Mind: Thinking as a Christian in the Postmodern World by Gene Edward Veith, Jr.

Renewing Your Mind: Basic Christian Beliefs You Need to Know by R. C. Sproul

The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer

The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Your Mind Matters by John Stott

Knowing God by J.I. Packer

Think Biblically by John MacArthur

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman

Let The Nations Be Glad by John Piper

Why Christians Can’t Trust Psychology by Ed Bulkley

Suffering-

When the Healing Doesn’t Come by John MacArthur (pamphlet available thru Grace To You Ministries)

Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges

Women Helping Women: A Biblical Guide to the Major Issues Women Face by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Carol Cornish

Why Christians Can’t Trust Psychology by

Kitchen Table Counseling by

Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George

The Power of Suffering by John MacArthur

CHURCH

Set Apart: Calling a Worldly Church to a Godly Life by Ken Hughes

Worship-

Amusing Ourselves to Death by Neil Postman

True Worship by Donald P Hustad

Let The Nations Be Glad by John Piper

Series On Hymns: by Joni Eareckson Tada and other authors

O Worship The King

When Morning Gilds the Skies

O Come All Ye Faithful

What Wondrous Love Is This

WITNESSING

Without a Doubt by Kenneth Richards

The God Who is Real by Henry Morris

What Jesus Demands From The World by John Piper

Why One Way by John MacArthur